FIC: When Girl Scouts Attack
Oct. 17th, 2007 06:18 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
ranmaru.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
vigorliTitle: When Girl Scouts Attack
Author: Ranmaru
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Like animals, they surround their prey...
Disclaimer: Don't know them, don't own anything they've been in, just playing.
Note: I was a brownie and a Scout and I mean the Girl Scouts no harm. And I do buy the cookies...
Viggo wasn’t sure if taking both his son and lover to the grocery store was such a good idea, but since they were already walking towards the building, it would seem ridiculous to suggest getting back in the truck and returning home. Also, there would be questions that would demand answers he couldn’t give and still respect himself in the morning.
Maybe he wouldn’t have such reservations about this little adventure if the two people who meant the most to him in the world weren’t a few feet ahead, heads close, furious whispers passing back and forth between them. Once, just outside of the automatic doors,
He was doomed.
The grocery wasn’t one of those big chain stores, but a small independently owned one where most of the employees were either family or friends of family and no one wore a name tag. The carts were small enough to fit through the narrow aisles and had just enough room to stock what he needed. Sam’s Grocery carried the necessities and oddities that Viggo found appealing, plus the fresh fruits and vegetables came straight from a few of the local farmers. He wished they had a store like this near his home in
He wasn’t a famous face here because he was a familiar one. He’d been shopping at Sam’s long before “Lord of the Rings” and one of the things that kept him coming back was that no one ever treated him any differently. At least, not after the initial wave of giggles from the young girls working there.
The young girls…oh no…
Henry was a teenager, still shy around girls but desperately wanting a girlfriend of his own. Viggo knew that he was his son’s idol, but when it came to teenaged girls? Not so much the expert.
Was a chick magnet.
Viggo could hear phantom squeals of the female employees as he examined a loaf of bread as if it held the answers to the universe. Then he realized they weren’t phantom squeals. He sighed, took a moment to feel really, really old, and dropped the bread into the cart.
He found his son and lover surrounded by a gaggle of girls in the cereal and juice aisle and parked his cart next to the single row of Kashi boxes because eventually Orlando was going to want his Cinnamon Harvest and Viggo planned on using the time the Brit stretched to reach the cereal to tell him that his fame was not supposed to be used for Henry’s gain.
Even if his son looked so happy he was glowing.
The kid didn’t understand that those girls would more than likely only be interested in him because of his association with
Viggo sighed again. Really, really old.
Was it really that long ago that he’d been panting after any girl who’d give him the time of day? When he’d written poetry to get laid, not send a message? The Dane chewed a little on the inside of his bottom lip as he watched
In
It had been fantastic.
And here he was, scoffing at his son’s clever if not clichéd use of his famous friend. And if Orli was Dad’s lover, well, no one needed to hear about that connection. If that came out Henry would be getting hit on by vicious, gossip-hungry blab rag hags who probably smoked too much and could drink Billy Boyd under the table and not mess up her lipstick.
No bitterness there whatsoever.
When Viggo saw
Orlando looked up and caught his eye and Viggo wasn’t sure if he should point to his wrist and remind Orlando that they were due back at the farm soon if they wanted to get in that ride before dark or just smile and pretend he wasn’t feeling like a killjoy for wanting to just go home and be with his lover and son without the fangirls. Fangirls who would never be good enough for his son anyway.
He chose to smile and Orlando smiled back, and then six heads turned all at the same time which was a little creepy, and then Viggo found himself the focus of twelve very wide and star-struck eyes and that’s when he realized that these girls were not employees of the store but were each wearing green sashes and two had on little caps and good lord they were Girl Scouts.
Viggo gripped the handle of the cart and told himself that real men were not afraid of Girl Scouts and that running would knock him right off that pedestal Henry kept him on.
And
He should have listened to the voice earlier and turned around before they’d even entered the store. He should have never even mentioned shopping to Orli and Henry. They hadn’t been that low on food. He should have…
Brought ear plugs because it seemed that though the girls were in awe of
“Oh my God you’re Viggo Mortensen!”
That wasn’t a tween-aged voice. Viggo glanced to his left and there stood a middle-aged Girl Scout, complete with a heavily decorated sash and a beanie. A fucking beanie. Viggo decided right then and there that Henry was going to have to suck it up and admit his father was a hypocrite for telling his son to say no to marijuana when he lit up as soon as they returned to the farm. Fuck responsibility. He wouldn’t give any to Orli and make him play the adult. There were times to be sober and this was not one of them.
“And
Viggo inched backwards until he felt the edge of the shelf dig into his back. “We have to go.”
“Girls! Who has a camera? Imagine how jealous the other troops will be!”
“Other troops?!” The Dane’s blood ran cold. There were more of them. He looked left and right and felt for the sword that he hadn’t worn at his hip for years.
“There are three other troops staying at the Lakawana Campground. We’re stocking up on supplies.” The leader smiled brilliantly as she rummaged in her purse. “I never dreamed…I mean, I’d read that you had a home here but…” She pulled out a tiny notebook with a mini pen stuck in the spiral binding. “Could you sign this please?” She opened to a blank page and held out the pad.
“Of course.” There were more of them, they were at Lakawana, only five miles from the house and three miles from his property line on the east side. They knew he lived in the area. Occasionally. “I’m selling the house,” he mentioned casually as he scribbled his name on the paper.
“What?” yelped Henry.
“Viggo?” Orli was giving him that “Are you mad?” stare that was usually followed up with the…there it was…the understanding grin. It was annoying that someone knew him so well. Everyone else thought he was a fucking mystery, why didn’t that English brat?
“I’m Linda Dickerson and this is Troop 129 from
Viggo wanted to write “Leave me alone you scary assed girls in green” but instead he wished the troop luck and to be safe while camping. He was a good man, an understanding man, and a Girl Scout phobia could not erase his inner gentleman. At least that’s what he kept telling himself while hoping he didn’t look as freaked out as he was. He could feel his grey hairs being turned white the longer those tween girls kept looking at him with wide-eyes.
“We really have to go,” Orli said, the beautiful and wonderful lover that he was. He grabbed the woman’s notebook, scribbled something and handed it back. He gripped Henry’s shoulder and steered him down the aisle. “Coming Vig?”
“Yes! Yes, I’m coming.” Viggo tried for an apologetic look. “We have to go,” he parroted to Linda Dickerson from
He started running once he was clear of the doors. He had the truck running and in drive, foot holding down the break when Orlando and Henry finally climbed in, the Brit sitting next to Viggo on the long bench seat. His legs were much too long to be there but Henry had some thing about sitting there and keeping his pride and manhood intact so Orli suffered and did things like rub his hand over Viggo’s thigh and breath in Viggo’s ear. Things he wasn’t doing at the moment, or if he was Viggo wasn’t aware of it. He was too busy driving and putting as much distance between himself and the Girl Scouts as possible.
“This is weird even for you,” Orli said a few minutes later. Viggo glanced to his side and saw Orli sigh and relax back, his hands falling from the dash that he’d been gripping tightly. The Dane slowed down a bit more. “And he’s not selling the house,”
“Mom told me there had been an…Incident involving Girl Scouts,” Henry revealed and Viggo sent a mental bitch slap to his ex-wife.
“An Incident?” Orli hummed. “Get attacked by a roving band of Girl Scouts one lonely evening?”
“Shut up,” Viggo muttered. “You have no idea what they’re capable of.”
“Do tell.”
“I didn’t want any of their damned cookies!” Viggo swung into the driveway, feeling uncharacteristically satisfied to hear Orli squawk when the momentum caused the Brit to slide into Henry. “They…got revenge.”
“Did they egg your house?” Orli righted himself and braced himself against the dash as Viggo braked in front of the farmhouse. “Because I’m beginning to understand why.”
“It was the eighties. Things were different back then.” Viggo got out of the truck and slammed the door behind him. The passenger door was slammed shut as Orli and Henry followed him.
“Right, back in the day the Scouts were packing heat and not afraid to use it,” Orli drawled and Viggo heard Henry snicker.
“There were seven of them. One of me. I have scars!” Viggo pulled down the collar of his shirt where there was a thin line about two inches running along his clavicle. Orli liked to trace it with his tongue.
“You’re taking the piss.” Orli stepped forward and touched the scar and Viggo batted his hand away. “Girl Scouts do not attack people.”
“I think they dropped acid or something.” Viggo shivered. “I barely escaped with my life.”
Henry started laughing and Viggo cursed Exene. “Shut it, Henry!”
“You’re such a liar!” Henry wiped at his eyes. “Mom said they were walking past a troop selling cookies near a store in
“What did your mother do?” Orli asked with a grin.
“She bought four fucking boxes of those fucking cookies!” Viggo pointed at Henry. “You’re grounded forever.” He stalked towards the house.
“Destroying the fabric of time?” Orli asked, and covered his mouth to hold in a laugh.
“That’s not what I said.” Viggo unlocked the door.
“What did you say?”
Viggo snorted and tossed his keys on the table beside the door.
“Viggo!”
“Call Mom,” Henry offered.
“Go to your room.”
“Yeah, right Dad. I’ll be out in the barn. Call me for dinner, or when you regain your sanity, whichever comes first.” He waved to Orli and continued through the house to the kitchen and the backdoor. Viggo seethed.
“God, you’re so cute and utterly infuriating when you’re embarrassed.” Orli came over and put his arms around Viggo’s neck. “What did you say to the evil Girl Scouts?” he whispered in Viggo’s ear.
“I can’t remember,” Viggo confessed. “Christ, I was high. I think I made comparisons between the Girl Scout founder and Hitler.”
Orli hung off Viggo as he laughed. Viggo sighed and slid his arms around Orli’s waist and held him up. “They really threw cookies at you?”
“I had bruises on my back and a headache for days.”
“Where’d you get the scar?”
“Fell out of a tree when I was eight.”
“I love you, old man,” Orli said. He kissed Viggo for a while, using his tongue to make the Dane a little crazier than he already was. When he pulled away, he sighed and patted Viggo on the chest. “Let’s go for a ride, we’ll see if that woman is really stalking you or if this camping trip is on the up and up.”
“You caught that?” Viggo followed his lover to the kitchen. “I thought it was my paranoia.”
“Are you kidding? She looked like she was about to start drooling. Ten to one says we see the girls in green walking along the roads this week to see which house is yours.”
Viggo froze. “What?”
“I’m thinking the
“Henry should be sent back to his mother,” Viggo decided. “Little traitor.”
Orli’s laughter echoed after the screen door banged closed behind him.
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Date: 2007-10-17 11:32 am (UTC)I love that Henry ratted him out! :oD
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Date: 2007-10-19 01:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 12:04 pm (UTC)Thanks for sharing, hugs and kisses, lots of kisses!!
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Date: 2007-10-19 01:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-19 10:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 12:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-19 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 01:14 pm (UTC)Cute from start to finish and I just loved the way all three guys interacted with each other. Perfect! :o)
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Date: 2007-10-19 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 02:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-19 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 02:39 pm (UTC)ha. this made going to my sociology class better....did that make sense? oh well!
loved this! <3
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Date: 2007-10-19 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-19 01:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 11:50 pm (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2007-10-19 01:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 04:10 am (UTC)Great job! This put a smile on my face after sitting in my spanish class all evening!
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Date: 2007-10-19 01:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 06:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-19 01:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-27 07:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-29 11:03 am (UTC)