FIC: Morning Observations

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

This one could sort of be seen as a post-Lifeline fic. Remember that one? Anyway, Happy Friday! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Title:  Morning Observations
Author:  ranmaru
Rating:  PG-13
Summary:  At a morning meeting, Billy Boyd watches his castmates.
Disclaimer:  Don't know, don't own, just playing
Beta'd by the Great and Wonderful lenalove!

Morning meetings were designed to make even the most affable of people as miserable as a Scot in a kilt in winter, Billy decided as he slouched in his chair. The sleepy, grouchy, insolent lack of posture was too childish for someone his age but it served two purposes:  it gave half-arsed concealment to the fact that even sitting up straight he was too short for the damn table and gave him the appearance of not paying attention to his surroundings when he really was.

 

No, he wasn’t completely awake by any stretch of the imagination, but he was interested in watching his fellow cast-mates in their weakest moments. Except for Ian McKellen who, damn his eyes, looked fresh as the morning sun and was smiling just as brightly.

 

Billy squinted. Maybe he was actually sleeping with his eyes open. That didn’t explain the smile. Too chipper for sleep. Grr.

 

Elijah, bless his young heart, was sleeping with his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand. Astin was leaning back in his chair and watching his friend with a fond grin. Billy knew the moment Elijah twitched, Astin would be there to make sure his face didn’t connect with the table. Always the faithful “Sam” to his “Frodo”.

 

Beside Billy, Dom was painstakingly drawing a very awful picture of Elijah, complete with drool and much nakedness. Every once in a while, hunched shoulders would shake as the artist snickered. Billy knew he’d have to keep track of that soon-to-be obscene picture or else it would be photocopied and sent to everyone involved in the film. And maybe even a few townspeople. “S’blomie” had a twisted sense of humor. Billy loved it.

 

John sat next to Ian and seemed to be ignoring whatever the older man was saying. It actually looked as though the dark-haired man was trying to use The Force to move a paper cup filled with coffee closer to his hand, which lay slack on the table, without moving a muscle. Billy looked from the cup to John’s brown eyes and back again. Nothing moved. Disappointed, the Scot spared a glance for Ian who was still smiling.

 

Grr.

 

Bean was sitting next to Viggo, both men in a hushed conversation about something that involved sharp hand gestures and stiff postures. Billy looked closer. Viggo was only gesturing with one hand. The other hand was under the table. The shoulder connected to the arm connected to that absent hand was positioned funny, as if he was pointing at the ground behind him, an aggressive pointing since his arm would move every couple of seconds. And behind him, well technically to the side but still, was Orlando.

 

Young Mr. Bloom was slouched in his seat not unlike Billy, his eyes almost closed, staring down into his lap. Each time he blinked, Billy wondered if he’d open his eyes again. It looked like a struggle. The Scot sympathized.

 

Billy was about to look away when Orlando frowned and looked over at Viggo. The older actor’s shoulder had righted itself and he was now using both hands to show Bean what Billy assumed was a grip for a sword. At least he hoped it was. To grip anything else like that might hurt. He shifted in his chair.

 

Then Viggo stopped talking and looked over at Orli who was still frowning. Billy frowned himself. Some kind of look passed between the two men that was strange and yet…not. Billy couldn’t put his finger on it. After a beat, Viggo turned back to Bean and continued talking.

 

Gesturing again with one hand.

 

Billy studied Orli with narrowed eyes. What was he missing? Though the younger man looked a bit more awake, he was still looking down at his lap. What was so important down there? Billy grinned. Except for the obvious. He looked over at Viggo. His arm was…

 

If smacking himself on the forehead wouldn’t have attracted too much attention, he would have. As it was, Billy felt disgusted with himself for not understanding what was going on in the first place. He blamed it on the inconsiderate scheduling of the meeting, as opposed to the lack of sleep from staying out too late with his fellow Hobbits.

 

Orlando was getting a handjob under the table.

 

Billy directed all of his offended ire at the elf. It was completely unfair, not to mention rude. If it hadn’t been for him, Orli would be wanking himself and not enjoying the pleasures of Viggo’s hand. If Billy hadn’t stepped in and literally pushed Orli at Viggo, they’d still be mooning over each other like lovesick cows and if there was something that annoyed Billy, it was the eyes of lovesick cows. And so, if anyone deserved a morning wank it was himself, Billy concluded.

 

The Scot slouched even deeper into his chair. He was tempted to look under the table but that might make it a little obvious that he knew what was going on the opposite side of the table. So he just watched Orli. It occurred to him, as Peter entered the trailer a few minutes later, that either the young Englishman wasn’t into what Billy imagined was happening or it really wasn’t happening.

 

Now that was tragic.

 

Billy felt sorry for him. Orli should be getting a handjob. It was the least Viggo could do since he’d kept Orli up half the night. Billy knew they’d been up half the night because he’d taken a piss outside of their trailer just after midnight and had heard them going at it. Well, more like he’d heard Orli moaning about swords and deeper and a bunch of right there’s and it hadn’t ended by the time he’d zipped up and continued on his merry way.

 

Merry.

 

Billy snickered.

 

So what really was going on over there? Boring old handholding? While on one hand it was kind of romantic, on the other it was disgustingly sappy and Billy had hoped his friends would be a bit more dignified in that all-male relationship of theirs.

 

And of course one shouldn’t discount how unprofessional it was to be holding hands at a very important meeting regarding script changes and whatnot. Billy nodded to himself as he sat up in his chair. He was going to have a word with them about this.

 

A nudge in his side had him looking at Dom and ignoring Peter who had begun talking about Moria and trying not to electrocute Ian which made absolutely no sense to Billy that early in the morning, but what did make sense was the pornographic picture his best mate Dom had drawn that now included Astin doing some naughty things to poor, sleeping Elijah. Yes, he definitely had to make sure this one did not go to the printers.

 

Right after he had that talk with Viggo and Orli.

 

Some people. Really.

 

END

Comments

[tularia.livejournal.com]

*snorts*
Okay, now I REALLY want to know just exactly what WAS happening with that hand and Orlando! LOL
Lovely morning wake-up ficlet!

[laura-iskra.livejournal.com]

oh your billy is priceless!

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

I just like staring at your icon. I think, maybe, somehow, you're the one who has gotten me back into QaF again. Some kind of Jedi-Icon mindtrick. *sigh* My god Gale Harold is hot...

[laura-iskra.livejournal.com]

I think, maybe, somehow, you're the one who has gotten me back into QaF again

now, that would be an accomplishment I would be proud of!

gale harold as brian will always be one of the hottest man ever, the way he walks, his way of looking at people..

*sighs dreamily*

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I don't think I've ever seen another actor who can pull off that level of sexiness. It's like, you can't breathe sometimes when he gets all... *sigh* And honestly, I wasn't all that into him at first, and then it was like WHAM! I've been re-reading a bunch of fan fics for QaF lately. You know, I stopped watching after the 3rd season. I know how it ends but... Heh, maybe the smax scenes will influence some VigOrli porn! Ha ha!

[ireth06.livejournal.com]

Billy's cute, especially so early in the morning!! Dom's an idiot and I not only want to know what Sir Ian's grinning at but also what's going on underneath the table....!!!!

Thanks for sharing, your fics are like cookies!! A very welcome snack, day or night!!!

[simply-rubbish.livejournal.com]

No fair! I want to know what they were doing under the table! :p I'm leaning towards something more tame, because Orlando's reaction doesn't seem to be all that ooh ah about it. :p Either that or Viggo's lost his touch, lol.

[stormatdusk.livejournal.com]

complete with drool and much nakedness

trying to use The Force to move a paper cup filled with coffee closer to his hand

To grip anything else like that might hurt. He shifted in his chair

moaning about swords and deeper and a bunch of right there’s

this was hugely, hugely enjoyable. thank you!

[vatulele.livejournal.com]

This was GREAT. :D