(no subject)

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

When I was lurking here before I began posting I saw an icon of OB with Sexy Bitch written on it. I cracked up laughing because I wrote this so long ago and there was the perfect pic for it! So I added an ending, had lenalovepolish it up for me, and now give it to you. Ta daaa! Friday's Silly Fic! I figure I'll post - Monday Happy Fics, Wednesday Angst Fic, Friday Silly Fic. I think I have enough to fit each category! ^_^ With 6 new fics waiting in the wings!
THANK YOU to everyone who enjoyed "Photographic Memory" and commented with such awesome and inspiring words!!!!!

Title:  Sexy Bitch
Author:   ranmaru
Rating:  PG
Summary:  Orlando online. (*note: Let me say here that this was inspired by my own image searching, and that to do the same now only a few years later? There are soooooo many more pics to drool over look at.)
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, just playing.
Beta'd by the lovely and talented lenalove!

“Fuck. I am a sexy bitch.”

 

Viggo looked up from his notebook for a moment not sure if he’d heard right. He saw the gleeful look on Orlando’s face and knew he had. “Surfing the web again?” For the longest time Orli had proclaimed the computer to be the number one evil in the world but somehow Henry had changed his mind. Viggo suspected it was finding all of the websites about himself and the other former cast members of the Rings movies.

 

“Looking at the photos of me. Trying to find some of us.”

 

“Sounds fun.” He said it dryly but knew from experience that it wasn’t all that bad. After all, how hard was it to make himself look at pictures of Orli for hours on end? That could rate as stupidest question ever if said aloud.

 

“It is. Damn, Vig. How can you live with me? I am fucking gorgeous!” Orli leaned back in his seat and laughed.

 

Viggo grinned. “It’s hell on the ego.” He supposed it was, in a way. Women of all ages, shapes and sizes, and not to mention the men, loved and accepted Orlando in a way he would never be, purely on aesthetics. Viggo knew he wasn’t an ugly man but his facial features were rougher than Orli’s, not as smoothly arranged as the Brit’s - but since the Brit in question happened to think Viggo was worth the time of day, and night, who was Viggo to complain?

 

“Must be.” Orlando was silent for a few seconds. “Oh. Oh wow. Just look at me.”

 

“I am.”

 

“Heh.” Orli glanced over and winked. “I’ll give you a private showing later.”

 

Viggo looked around. “I didn’t realize we had an audience.”

 

“Never know, man. Never know.” Orlando nodded sagely but ruined it by snickering. “I’m both flattered and frightened that there is one site on the web that has so many shots of me. And articles. And games. Games Viggo. Like “Pin the tail on the Orli” games except I think it’s “Take the shorts off the Orli” games.”

 

“What?” Viggo started to stand but a look at Orli’s shining eyes had him plonking back down. “Very funny.” He’d actually been concerned because really, it was entirely possible to stumble across things like that. He’d hate to have to use Anduril to draw blood. Well, more blood.

 

“I should get my own website. Put up pictures of myself and make like I’m my personal friend. Make up stories. Create a “Take the shorts of the Orli” game.” He chuckled, and it sounded a little too evil for Viggo to let go unnoted.

 

“As long as there is a censor bar over your crotch that says "Property of Viggo", what the hell.”

 

Orlando tapped his fingers on the edge of the keyboard as he stared at the monitor screen. “Property of Viggo,” he murmured. He grinned and looked at his lover. “Make a nice tattoo.”

 

“No, Orlando.”

 

“Property of Orlando Bloom. See, I’d want it all written out. Nice script. Oh! Maybe we can have it translated into Elvish!” Orli frowned. “No. The only person who could read it would be Chris Lee and he’s not seeing your ass.”

 

“My ass?”

 

“That’s where the tat would be, of course.”

 

Viggo sighed. “Of course.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. “I think a t-shirt would suffice.”

 

Orlando laughed. “You’d wear a t-shirt that said “Property of Orlando Bloom” on the front?”

 

Viggo shrugged. “Why not. You’d have yours, I’d have mine.”

 

“We could get S’blomie and Billy to have a couple made up too and they could wear them out…” Orlando was looking speculative. “Think Lij and Astin would?”

 

“No.”

 

“Probably right.” Orli stretched, arms over his head, raising the thin cotton t-shirt he wore so Viggo got a glimpse of belly and tattoo. “I have this urge to have sex.”

 

“Well, you are a sexy bitch.”

 

“Yeah.” Orlando gave Viggo a grin that was a little self-depreciating and a lot embarrassed. “It’s all such crap.”

 

“Not from where I’m sitting.” Viggo held out his hand. “I’m feeling the need to prove it to you.”

 

“Please do…”

 

So he did.

 

 

The End

Comments

[roomfor2.livejournal.com]

*laughs* They should definitely get tattoos!
Someone's made that game, right? *grins*

Am I the first again? The internet is so distracting from doing other things. It's a great place for a procrastinator!

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Isn't it? And I absolutely agree with your icon! Oh and the game? I saw something about a dress the Viggo game somewhere just the other day...I didn't look, it scared me too much...

[roomfor2.livejournal.com]

It's a bit like that paper doll Orlando thing that one of the sites used to have. lol

[gypsy-wonderer.livejournal.com]

LOL, i love it, very witty and charming. you make orlando so adorable and viggo so darn sexy. i love your writing.
:)

[lenalove.livejournal.com]

*points up* What Gypsy said. *nods*

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Thank you both!

[nverland]

That was so cute.

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

*grin*

[galor5.livejournal.com]

lmao at all the games they thought up!!

This was alot of fun to read first thing in the morning :0)

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

I love the great feedback early in the morning! Starts me day off right! Thank you!

[sitaray.livejournal.com]

I love silly Fridays!!!! I want a tat that says: Property of Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortesen...though I'm sure my hubby wouldn't like that one bit...rotfl. Once again...I love your work, and it always makes me smile :)

-Nita

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

I LOVE your icon! *giggle*

[queen-mean-jean.livejournal.com]

Well he is a sexy bitch....great fic!!!

[tularia.livejournal.com]

The fact that the whole world (okay almost all my friends and several thousand others) considers him to be one sexy bitch, and the immensity of that count of people, seems to have eluded Orlando. *snort* But yeah, Property of Viggo indeed!

[invisible-dream.livejournal.com]

“I have this urge to have sex.”
bluntness is awesome LOL!!

[littlegreenleaf.livejournal.com]

I don't know how you can pack so much good stuff into such few words, but you manage to do it, each and every time! Thank you SO MUCH for all of these!

*hugs*

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Well, your comments always turn me into a giggling dork each and every time! *grin* Hee! *hugs back*

[namarielorien.livejournal.com]

I adore this! He IS one sexy bitch! The t-shirts and tattoos would be so much fun to see, too! Thank you for sharing all these lovely stories with us!

Ginger

[simply-rubbish.livejournal.com]

*lol* Adorable! Would love to see those two with those shirts or tattoos. *g*

[ireth06.livejournal.com]

The tattoos had me in stitches!! Although the t-shirts would be a lot more fun....we'd be able to see!!

And well, he is a sexy bitch, isn't he?

Thanks for sharing, hugs and kisses!!

[rifleman-s.livejournal.com]

"Orlando laughed. “You’d wear a t-shirt that said “Property of Orlando Bloom” on the front?”
Viggo shrugged. “Why not. You’d have yours, I’d have mine.”"

Waits patiently for the photos of this day . . .

Lovely!! :))

[vatulele.livejournal.com]

a sexy bitch icon like this *points up*

great story! i love it when orlando finds his way onto the internet.

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Yes! That's it!!! ^_^