FIC: Big Bird Must Die!

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Complete silly-fic. Nothing against Big Bird. ^_^ Just a light-hearted moment to end the week.

Title:  Big Bird Must Die!
Author: 

ranmaru

 

Rating: PG
Summary:  The lengths Viggo will go to...is kind of scary.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, just playing.

“Agh!” Orli wished he had hair so he could pull at it in frustration. “That’s it. I’m going to hurt you.”

 

“Now Orlando-“

 

“No.” Orli exhaled and tried for calm. “I really think it’s the only way to get through your thick skull.”

 

“I’m not-“

 

“I mean, I’ve never been keen on that whole S&M thing but really, you’ve pissed me off to the point that smacking your ass with a stick is looking pretty good right now.”

 

“Would you just-“

 

“It really does.” Orli rubbed his hands together, clearly warming to his thoughts. “Maybe one of those paddles, like they use in those nasty boarding school movies.”

 

“I don’t-“

 

“I’d like to see Aragorn sit on a horse with a red ass,” Orli snickered, absently patting his own behind. “All of the women would swoon over your pained expression. ‘Oh Viggo!’” he said in a near screeching falsetto. “‘The anguish and heartache is so real!’ And little will they know it’s because you’ve been spanked by your incredibly brassed off boyfriend!”

 

Viggo slumped into the couch and covered his eyes. “Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic here?”

 

“I’m an actor,” Orli huffed, throwing himself on the opposite end of the couch and glaring at his lover.

 

“You’re a drama queen.”

 

“Oh so it doesn’t end with simple home desecration! You’ve resorted to insulting me!”

 

“You threatened to spank me for Christ’s sake! With a paddle!” Viggo thumped his fist on the arm of the couch.

 

“You painted the walls,” Orli cried arms flailing as he jumped up to stand in the middle of the room. “The walls! Viggo! They’re red and yellow for fuck’s sake!”

 

And indeed they were. A blood red with angry splashes of yellow that made the room look like a sea of blood and sunshine. It was disturbing and it was Orlando’s livingroom and it made the Brit so angry he’d lost the ability to speak for several minutes upon entering the room.

 

“There’s red and yellow in your furniture,” Viggo pointed out, tapping the fabric of the cushion beside him.”

 

“I don’t care, I really don’t.” Orli walked over and smacked one of the offending walls, his hand coming away red with wet paint. “It looks like someone murdered fucking Big Bird in here!”

 

“I was going to call it-“

 

“Shut up shut up shut up!” Orli looked at hand and nearly wiped it on his jeans before growling and holding it out to his side. “I don’t care Viggo. I love you and I don’t want to see you until the walls are back to white. White dammit! And if there’s a hint of red anywhere I’m making your ass the same. Fucking. Color!” He began to storm out of the room.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“I’m going to stay at your place.”

 

“But-“

 

“And I’m stopping to buy a paddle on the way.”

 

Viggo bit his lip to stop from laughing. The front door slammed and he collapsed on the couch in a fit of maniac giggles. Orlando had been so depressed lately with Bean and Ian leaving and the true breaking up of the Fellowship as the Hobbits scattered to film their separate footage, Viggo had been at a loss as to how to put that spark back into Orli’s eyes. The sex was great, as always, but Orlando had begun submitting instead of eagerly participating in their little skirmishes for top and seemed fragile in the aftermath, preferring to be held instead of holding. Happy blue eyes scanned the walls. Off of a regular canvas, the color scheme really was hideous.

 

He got up and went into the spare bedroom where he’d hidden three cans of white paint. The walls wouldn’t be completely dried until the next day but he might as well get everything ready in case…

 

The front door opened and slammed again. Viggo waited in the mouth of the hall until Orli was in sight. He didn’t speak, letting his young friend fill the silence.

 

“Paint tomorrow. I’m horny.”

 

If whooping in glee wouldn’t have made Orlando suspicious there would have been a very loud Dane in the house. Viggo obediently followed his lover, letting a small smile curve his lips. It was nice to have his Orli back.

 

The End

Did I use "brassed off" correctly??

Comments

[eenoogje.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

I've no idea about the "brassed off", but the rest of the story made me laugh! Viggo's right , angry Orlando is much more fun than sad Orlando.

[laura-iskra.livejournal.com]

ahahahah
lovd it!

[aflon.livejournal.com]

'brassed-off' sounds good to me as does the whole story :)

[nverland]

Oh I loved this!

[estels-artemis.livejournal.com]

LOVE IT!

[sitaray.livejournal.com]

That was hillarious! I'd kill Vig if he painted my walls Red/Yellow!

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

My BF is a white walls man. I'd been speculating on painting the walls in the bedroom something other than white and I thought he'd have heart failure. That's what brought on this idea. ^_^

[namarielorien.livejournal.com]

This is too funny!!!!! My favorite line, "Paint tomorrow. I'm horny." Thank you for the much-needed giggles!!

[lost4aname.livejournal.com]

this was funny. great way to start the weekend! xx

[anobtuselife.livejournal.com]

*grins*

[littlegreenleaf.livejournal.com]

That's it...I'm printing out and saving everything you write! This was really cute! Can't wait for more of your excellent work! ♥

[maiwen05.livejournal.com]

Oh so funny! Wonderful post. Looking forward to more!

[truly-tazi.livejournal.com]

lol, that was great. :)

[lalover-lalover.livejournal.com]

Aawww! Angry, top!Orlando ... the best!!!

[simply-rubbish.livejournal.com]

*lmao!* Brilliant. :-D

[willys-digs.livejournal.com]

*snorts* Well done!

hugs

Jo

[ireth06.livejournal.com]

Lovely! Couldnt stop laughing when I read this: “It looks like someone murdered fucking Big Bird in here!”

I can just see it.....***wipes eyes!!***


I don't know about the term "brassed off", but I know exactly what you wanted it to say!!
Thanks for sharing, hugs and kisses!!

[gypsy-wonderer.livejournal.com]

loved it funny and sweet.

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Just opened my email and my New Mail box was filled with replies to my posts from you. Did you go back and read them all today?! Each time I read another comment I started to giggle. Thank you!!!!!

[lee-ashburn.livejournal.com]

*gigglesnorts* this is so good! i love the part on “It looks like someone murdered fucking Big Bird in here!”... had me in tears. thanks for the laughs, needed it. *hugs*