![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
belle-lestrange.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
vigorliTitle: Waking Nightmare
Author: Greenleaf
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: OB/VM
Summary: Strange things are happening to Orlando. At first he thinks it is just a joke of his friends, but things start to get even scarier with time and he painfully experiences, that this weren't jokes.......
Will Viggo be able to help him after his waking nightmare?
*Warnings* Angst, Violence, Rape
Feedback: Yes pleaaaaaaaaaaaase *holds up starving author sign* I love feedback even more than getting presents
Disclaimer: None of them belongs to me (sadly), nothing of this did really happen
Beta: The wonderful and awesome![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
slashfairy. Thank you *hug*
I want to take his eyes out
Just for looking at you
Yes I do
I want to take his hands off
Just for touching you
Yes I do
And I want to rip his heart out
Just for hurting you
And I want to break his mind down
Yes I do
And I want to make him
Regret life since the day he met you
Yes I do
And I want to make him
Take back all that he took from you
Yes I do
Chapter Twelve – Take me home
Orlando had spent the last day in sleeping or napping on the couch. Not only his body but his mind was exhausted and he let this exhaustion finally wash over him. But Orlando made always sure that Viggo would stay with him or not go to far away. Fear still lingered deep within him. It was not the fear of Jeff returning but fear of the future and fear of rejection. Now that he sat on the couch in the office of the therapist the fear of this appointment was the most present one. He wanted to forget, not to live through all of it again.
“I heard they caught Jeff. You must be happy about that Orlando.” Harry smiled at the young man but Orlando didn’t look up or react in any way. Happy? No, he wasn’t happy at all. His emotions seemed limited ever since his nightmare had begun. Happiness was just a word he knew but not an emotion he felt. Orlando stared at the cup of tea on the table in front of him without saying a word.
“Orlando? Viggo can’t answer all of your questions or do everything for you. You are not a child that’s not capable of answering questions, are you?”
Viggo raised an eyebrow. Harry had appeared like a nice man to him so this change in his behaviour was more than weird. His eyes shifted to Orlando who tensed even more.
“Orlando you are not mute so it would be nice if you’d say something. You can’t always play the poor victim and hide from the world because you are afraid. That would really make you weak. You let someone like Jeff defeat you and ruin your life. That’s pathetic and childish.”
Viggo looked back at Harry anger visible in his eyes.
“What are you-“
Harry silenced him with a wave of his hand, nodding in Orlando’s direction. When Viggo looked at the brunette again he could see that the tension had grown and Orlando’s body was nearly trembling as if to hold something back.
“Come on Orlando, what happened to you is not that bad. You are alive; many victims don’t survive. You have Viggo who supports you and does everything for you but all you do is to make things harder for you and for him. You are sitting in your dark world, waiting for a hero to rescue you and at the same time you push that hero away. It’s so ridiculous, Orlando. You are using what Jeff did as an excuse for your weakness. The poor, poor victim Orlando, hiding from the truth and pitying himself. You are-“
“Shut up. Shut the fuck up!”
Viggo nearly jumped when Orlando rose from the couch and started to scream.
“Sod off! You know nothing! You have no idea how it feels so don’t you judge me! You do not know how it feels when your body is used against your will or when the last bit of hope vanishes with each second you have to spend with a monster next to you until you find yourself in complete darkness. When he laughs at you and mocks you and hurts you over and over again! You have no idea how much it hurts and how dirty you feel, how the memories won’t go away! It is so easy to sit there and judge me, isn’t it?! You have NO FUCKING IDEA!” Orlando could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. Tears of anger. This man knew nothing of him or of what he had gone through so how dared he to say such things? He wasn’t using all of this as an excuse.
Orlando hadn’t noticed that his whole body was shaking and that tears were streaming freely over his cheeks. Viggo had followed all this with amazement but now it was enough. He didn’t know what Harry wanted to attain and he didn’t care. Orlando was upset and that was something Viggo disliked.
“Orlando? Orli?” Viggo embraced Orlando and tried to soothe him. Orlando was still trembling and some inner wall seemed to crumble inside the young man. His eyes were squeezed shut while hot tears dampened his face.
“I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.”
Viggo could barely understand the words Orlando spoke between sobs.
“H-he had n-n-no right to d-do that. I h-hate him!”
“I know angel. I know.” Viggo cast a helpless look over at Harry. To his surprise the therapist looked satisfied.
“That’s okay Orlando, just let it out. You have every right to be angry.” Harry nodded in Viggo’s direction, assuring him that this was the reaction he had wanted to achieve with his words. Viggo wasn’t too sure that he understood the reasons but decided to trust Harry. He sat down on the couch again, pulling Orlando on his lap and let the brunette cry. It was silent in the room except for Orlando’s sobs and the distant sounds from outside. After a few minutes Orlando calmed a bit and the shaking of his body lessened. Orlando tried to breathe in a steady rhythm again. He felt weird. Without knowing it he had bolted through the door which had been opened for him. He had left the darkness behind and found himself at a loss and blinded by the light. He couldn’t place what had just happened.
“Orlando?”
This time brown eyes looked up when Harry spoke.
“This was a good beginning. You are able to feel something you just have to allow it. Don’t succumb to numbness. You have to allow your feelings and you have to take things into your hands. We all can help you but you are the only one who is able to decide that you want to live again.”
Orlando looked away again.
“That’s so hard.”
“I know. But do you want it?”
After a few seconds in silence that seemed to scream in his ears Orlando nodded.
“Yes. I want my life back.”
“If you really want it you will get your life back. Don’t kill every emotion inside yourself attempting to kill the pain. Allow the pain and every other feeling and let it out. Don’t keep it inside you because it will get too much. You can talk to me and you can talk to Viggo.”
Orlando nodded again, his head resting against Viggo’s shoulder. He felt exhausted all of a sudden. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed now and let warmth wash over him and lull him to sleep.
“Well, this was a lot for the first appointment. I’d like to see you on Monday again, same time. Is that alright with you?”
It was Viggo’s turn to nod.
“Okay. And Orlando you can call me any time if you need to talk. I’ll give you my phone number.” Harry scribbled the number down on a piece of paper and gave it to Orlando who took it with a slightly trembling hand.
“Well, have a nice weekend then.” Harry smiled at them before Viggo pulled Orlando up with him and led him out into the hallway. Thoughts were racing through his mind. This had been so weird and still Viggo could feel that it helped Orlando. A surprised sound bubbled over Viggo’s lips when he found himself with an armful of Orlando as soon as they stood in the corridor.
“Vig?” Brown eyes looked up at Viggo, tears still shimmering in them.
“Hm?”
“Take me home?”
A smile crept onto Viggo’s face.
“Anytime angel.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“But I don’t want to see them.”
“Orlando they are your friends.” Viggo sighed; his eyes followed Orlando who was pacing through the room. He really couldn’t understand him. Yesterday everything had been okay…well as okay as it could be. Orlando had been exhausted after the appointment at the therapist and they had spent the afternoon watching TV. Orlando hadn’t talked much but also hadn’t isolated himself from his surroundings anymore. The night and morning had been alright as well until Dom had called. They had all heard that Jeff had been arrested (Viggo was very grateful that the PR agents of New Line Cinema had managed to keep the whole thing out of the media) and now the Hobbits, Sean Bean, and Liv wanted to come over. They hadn’t seen Orlando since he had been kidnapped and the Brit had refused to talk to them or answer the phone calls.
“They are worried Orlando.” Viggo could see the growing tension of Orlando. Yesterday he had been relaxed for the first time but it occurred to Viggo that each time they took one step forward they did two in return.
“Viggo I-I …I can’t. I’m…tired, okay? I’m not in the mood to see them.” Orlando played nervously with the hem of his jumper. In truth he wasn’t ready to face them. Would they still be his friends after all? Did they want someone so broken? He didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes.
Viggo sighed again. He wouldn’t force Orlando, hell he just wanted him to be well again, but at the same time he knew that sparing him everything wouldn’t be helpful on the long run.
“Orlando, you can’t hide from the world forever.”
“I am not hiding!” Orlando snapped, giving Viggo an angry glare. He wasn’t hiding; he just didn’t want to see them yet. Orlando had thought that Viggo would understand him but obviously this wasn’t the case anymore. All of a sudden Orlando felt like crying.
“Vig please…”
Viggo swallowed hard. This was so hard because he wanted to protect Orlando from the world but he couldn’t lock him up forever. It would be like taking away the wings of a bird, hindering him to fly.
“Alright. But you have to tell them yourself.” Viggo took the phone and held it out to Orlando. The brunette looked at the phone for a few seconds before he pressed his lips together, turned around and left the room.
Viggo placed the phone on the table again suppressing another sigh. When had things become so difficult? He could not understand Orlando but couldn’t blame him either.
Orlando locked the bedroom door behind him and leaned against it for a few seconds, closing his eyes. He could barely suppress the tears. He was annoyed and fed-up with his own behaviour. He bawled like a girl over every little thing. No wonder Viggo thought that he was weak and stupid. He couldn’t even make a simple phone call.
Orlando rubbed his eyes before he went over to the bed and crawled under the blanket. Somehow Viggo’s bed had become his hideout. The sheets held the smell of Viggo and Orlando buried his face deeper in the pillow as if to replace Viggo’s embrace with the familiar scent.
A few lonely tears were streaming over Orlando’s cheeks, falling onto the pillow and drying there, unseen. He couldn’t face his friends. He couldn’t look into their eyes, afraid of what he might find there. They wouldn’t want him back anyways. They were not coming to see him but to see some exotic animal, disgusting and fascinating all the same.
Orlando finally closed his eyes. No he didn’t want to be the new attraction.
Nearly an hour later a knock at the door startled Orlando from his restless sleep. He hadn’t even realized that he had fallen asleep and blinked a few times until his vision cleared.
Another knock.
“Orlando?”
Orlando swallowed hard when it was not Viggo’s voice he heard but Sean’s. Without realizing it he pulled the blanket tighter around himself and tried to ignore the murmurs before the door.
“Is he alright?”
“I don’t know, he doesn’t answer and the door is locked.”
“Fuck.”
“Let me speak with him.”
There were sounds of people moving.
“Orli?” This time it was Liv’s concerned voice.
“Orli are you alright? Please say something, you scare me.”
Orlando stared at the door as if all his demons were locked up behind it.
“I…I’m fine.” He finally choked out knowing that the chance that they’d go was even less when he didn’t answer.
“Good.” Liv let go a relieved breath.
“Would you let us in then?”
Orlando’s thoughts were racing, searching for an excuse they would believe. His hands were clutching the blanket so tightly that the knuckles of his fingers were white.
“I’m…I’m so tired and…everything. I’m really not in the mood Liv.”
“Bollocks. Come on Orli, we won’t stay for long, I promise. We even brought you the chocolate you like so much.”
Orlando rolled his eyes. What did she think? That she could bribe him as if he was nothing more than a pouting child? He felt anger welling up inside him.
“Please leave.” With that Orlando turned his back to the door and pulled the blanket over his head, ignoring any further pleading. He heard them talk outside for some time and then there was silence. Orlando sighed in relief. He didn’t know why he had gotten so angry. Some days ago he would’ve laughed about Liv’s try to bribe him with chocolate but now he felt as if she was messing around with him. Orlando closed his eyes again, groaning in frustration when someone knocked at the door again.
“Sod off!” Was it so difficult to understand that he wanted to be left alone?
“Landooo?”
Orlando’s eyes snapped open at once when he heard Ally’s voice. Guilt rose within him. He hadn’t meant to be so rude towards her.
“Ally? I’m sorry…I didn’t know it was you.” Slowly Orlando rolled over again, now facing the door.
“But now you know.”
Orlando couldn’t help a tiny smile at the innocent statement.
“Yeah now I know.”
“Can I come in? I don’t want to stay downstairs, Dommie has been mean to me and it is more fun with you anyways.”
Orlando raised an eyebrow. Maybe they had just sent Ally here so that he would open they door and they all could come in. After thinking about it twice he decided that it was bullshit. Ally never lied to him. He entangled from the blanket before he lumbered towards the door, unlocked it, and opened it only a little bit to see if there was someone else outside. The corridor was empty but before he could open the door further Ally had already forced it open a bit more and made her way into the room. Orlando closed the door again and raised the child kissing her on the cheek.
“What did Dommie do, Princess?”
Ally looked at Orlando, her short arms trying to embrace him.
“He said that I can’t be an elf because I am too small and that I can only be a stupid hobbit.” Ally pouted.
“Dom’s an idiot.” Orlando carried her over to the bed where he sat down and leaned against the headboard, Ally on his lap.
“Dom is a stupid hobbit that’s why he doesn’t see that you are an elf princess.”
Ally beamed up at Orlando before she snuggled closer, her small fingers tracing an invisible pattern on his jumper.
“Like Arwen?”
“Better than Arwen.”
Orlando did not know why but somehow Ally’s presence calmed him and he could relax. Maybe because she didn’t know what happened or could not understand it and behaved like she always had. She was still the same not acting as if he was a broken toy or pitying him.
“Why are you not coming down? Daddy said you don’t feel well.” Ally looked up at Orlando, innocence and trust shining in her blue eyes. Orlando tucked one strand of blonde hair behind her ear before he slowly answered.
“No, I am not feeling to well today, Princess, that’s why I won’t come down. There are just days where you feel so sick that you don’t want so many people around, you know?”
Ally nodded before she crawled up and placed a kiss on Orlando’s cheek.
“Are you sick? When I am sick momma makes tea for me and tells me stories and I always feel better afterwards. I am sure she could do the same for you.”
Orlando smiled and hugged the girl.
“I am not really sick, don’t worry. How could I anyways, now that you are here?”
Ally giggled and nuzzled against his shoulder.
“But I could tell you a story, even if you are not sick.”
“That’s a great idea, Princess.” Orlando sank further into the pillows and pulled the blanket over Ally and himself. Ally made herself comfortable half draped over Orlando’s chest, still playing with his pullover.
“Once upon a time there lived a princess…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Half an hour later when Viggo wanted to look after Orlando he found the bedroom door open and Orlando half asleep. Ally had just finished her story and was tracing invisible patterns on Orlando’s cheek with her finger.
Viggo stopped in the doorway and took in the peaceful picture. Orlando seemed so calm and relaxed as if able to completely let go for the first time and the reason for it was definitely Ally. Viggo walked to the bed and carefully sat down on the edge.
“I’m sorry to disturb you both but Christine made sandwiches for everyone and wants Ally to come down. I figured you might be hungry too.”
Orlando opened his eyes lazily and blinked for a few times.
“Nah, no’ really hungry.” He murmured voice heavy and hoarse from dozing. In fact he was hungry but didn’t want to go down. He didn’t notice the pout on Ally’s face.
“You can’t let me go alone, Landoooo. Please come down with me. Please, please, please, please.” Ally was bouncing on the bed next to Orlando.
“Please.”
“Ally I don’t –“
“Pleseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.”
“But I-“
“Pleseeeeeeeeeease.”
“Alright, alright.” Orlando grumbled his hands raised in defeat. He truly didn’t want to go and felt panic tickling in his stomach already but he couldn’t stand Ally’s begging either.
“But only for a few minutes.” Orlando added quickly. Now he was the one pouting while Ally hugged him happily and Viggo smiled.
“Only for a few minutes.” The Dane reassured before he got up and waited for Orlando and Ally at the door. Ally jumped out of bed before she took Orlando’s bigger hand with her small ones and tried to pull him out of bed. Orlando groaned before he stood up. He didn’t have much time to worry or be scared though; Ally pulled him out of the bedroom and down the stairs without hesitation. He had to concentrate so that he wouldn’t trip over his own feet. As soon as he stood in the living room panic kicked in again, crushing his body. The talking had stop immediately and Orlando felt eyes looking at him. He swallowed hard his eyes fixed to the floor. Ally didn’t seem to notice the Brit’s distress and walked towards the couch, her hands still holding Orlando’s.
“Dommie, Lando said you are an idiot and that I am no stupid hobbit!” Ally stated when no one spoke while she forced Orlando to sit down so she could crawl onto his lap again and make herself comfortable. Her words seemed to wake everybody from the frozen state and all of a sudden everyone was talking again.
Orlando relaxed a bit when the heavy silence ended though he did not look up. He felt uncomfortable enough without seeing the expression on everyone’s face. He nearly jumped when a plate with two sandwiches was placed on the table in front of him.
“It’s good to see you, Orlando.” Christine smiled and placed her hand on Orlando’s shoulder for a few seconds. Orlando resisted the urge to flinch away. His gaze flickered up before he looked away again, nodding shyly.
“Ally and you got to eat something. I saved the two sandwiches for you because I doubt that the hobbits would’ve left something.”
“Thanks.” Orlando’s voice sounded oddly faint in his own ears.
“No problem, dear.” Christine gently patted Orlando’s back before she left again. Orlando was grateful for it. She had been nothing but kind but he felt ill-at-ease. He wanted to vanish or become invisible. He was distracted though when Ally leaned forward and tried to reach the sandwiches. Her arms were to short so Orlando leaned forward and took the plate. He held it for her so she could pick up one of the sandwiches. Ally beamed up at him, snuggling closer. Orlando’s lips curled into a smile before he took the second sandwich.
“Are you still feeling sick?” The concern in the voice of the child raised a warm feeling in Orlando’s stomach.
“Only a little bit.” Orlando smiled reassuringly at Ally but it didn’t seem to ease her. She nibbled at her sandwich, eyes fixed on him.
“I could mix you some medicine and stay here so that I can care for you! Daddy always says that I would be a very good nurse.” Ally’s blue eyes shone with pride.
“That’s sweet Princess but I guess I don’t need medicine, just some rest. Although I am sure that your daddy is right and you are the best nurse ever.” Orlando placed a gentle kiss on Ally’s forehead before his eyes drifted to the side. He felt the couch dip when Sean Bean took a seat next to him.
“Oh Ally is a very good nurse indeed. She made tea for me when I had a cold and it was the best tea ever. The cold was instantly gone afterwards.”
Ally giggled and nuzzled into Orlando’s jumper.
“Really? Well you have to make some tea for me sometime then, Princess.” Orlando swallowed hard and tried to calm his nerves. He was feeling nervous and unable to breathe now that Sean sat there.
“I’m sure she’ll do that.” Sean smiled before he murmured “It’s nice to see you, lad.”
Orlando looked up for some seconds and met Sean’s green eyes which held nothing but concern and kindness. Still he couldn’t stand it for long and looked away again.
“It’s…it’s nice to see you too.” Orlando finally managed to whisper. His fingers were playing with strands of Ally’s blonde hair absent-mindedly. There was silence for some seconds before Sean spoke again.
“We really missed you, elfboy. Let me know if I can help you in any way, yeah? Like beating the hobbits off with a stick and such you know?” Sean’s serious voice held the hint of a smile at the end. The corners of Orlando’s mouth twitched lightly before he smiled.
“Thanks Seanie.” The once familiar nickname sounded odd as if it hadn’t been spoken in ages. All the same it seemed to bring back memories of a time that hadn’t been too long ago and yet was still so far away.
“No problem, elfboy.” Sean’s eyes locked with Viggo’s and they seemed to understand each other without words.
“Hey, how about watching a movie?” Elijah’s voice drowned out the other voices in the room. There were murmurs of agreement before Orlando found himself surrounded with people all of a sudden while Elijah looked over Viggo’s DVD’s. He shifted around uncomfortably and his arms tightened around Ally. Viggo sensed Orlando’s distress and made Sean move a bit so that he was able to sit next to Orlando. He gathered the young man in his arms carefully without saying a word.
Orlando didn’t have to look up to know it was Viggo next to him. He let himself be pulled into the other’s arms and started to relax when Elijah had found something he liked and everyone looked at the TV screen. He wasn’t the centre of attention anymore and very glad for it. After some time Orlando was even able to relax completely and soon drifted off to sleep while surrounded by the people he loved and who cared for him. He had yet taken another step towards the light, which was hope.
TBC
some parts of this chapter were inspired by this picture
Author: Greenleaf
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: OB/VM
Summary: Strange things are happening to Orlando. At first he thinks it is just a joke of his friends, but things start to get even scarier with time and he painfully experiences, that this weren't jokes.......
Will Viggo be able to help him after his waking nightmare?
*Warnings* Angst, Violence, Rape
Feedback: Yes pleaaaaaaaaaaaase *holds up starving author sign* I love feedback even more than getting presents
Disclaimer: None of them belongs to me (sadly), nothing of this did really happen
Beta: The wonderful and awesome
slashfairy. Thank you *hug*I want to take his eyes out
Just for looking at you
Yes I do
I want to take his hands off
Just for touching you
Yes I do
And I want to rip his heart out
Just for hurting you
And I want to break his mind down
Yes I do
And I want to make him
Regret life since the day he met you
Yes I do
And I want to make him
Take back all that he took from you
Yes I do
Chapter Twelve – Take me home
Orlando had spent the last day in sleeping or napping on the couch. Not only his body but his mind was exhausted and he let this exhaustion finally wash over him. But Orlando made always sure that Viggo would stay with him or not go to far away. Fear still lingered deep within him. It was not the fear of Jeff returning but fear of the future and fear of rejection. Now that he sat on the couch in the office of the therapist the fear of this appointment was the most present one. He wanted to forget, not to live through all of it again.
“I heard they caught Jeff. You must be happy about that Orlando.” Harry smiled at the young man but Orlando didn’t look up or react in any way. Happy? No, he wasn’t happy at all. His emotions seemed limited ever since his nightmare had begun. Happiness was just a word he knew but not an emotion he felt. Orlando stared at the cup of tea on the table in front of him without saying a word.
“Orlando? Viggo can’t answer all of your questions or do everything for you. You are not a child that’s not capable of answering questions, are you?”
Viggo raised an eyebrow. Harry had appeared like a nice man to him so this change in his behaviour was more than weird. His eyes shifted to Orlando who tensed even more.
“Orlando you are not mute so it would be nice if you’d say something. You can’t always play the poor victim and hide from the world because you are afraid. That would really make you weak. You let someone like Jeff defeat you and ruin your life. That’s pathetic and childish.”
Viggo looked back at Harry anger visible in his eyes.
“What are you-“
Harry silenced him with a wave of his hand, nodding in Orlando’s direction. When Viggo looked at the brunette again he could see that the tension had grown and Orlando’s body was nearly trembling as if to hold something back.
“Come on Orlando, what happened to you is not that bad. You are alive; many victims don’t survive. You have Viggo who supports you and does everything for you but all you do is to make things harder for you and for him. You are sitting in your dark world, waiting for a hero to rescue you and at the same time you push that hero away. It’s so ridiculous, Orlando. You are using what Jeff did as an excuse for your weakness. The poor, poor victim Orlando, hiding from the truth and pitying himself. You are-“
“Shut up. Shut the fuck up!”
Viggo nearly jumped when Orlando rose from the couch and started to scream.
“Sod off! You know nothing! You have no idea how it feels so don’t you judge me! You do not know how it feels when your body is used against your will or when the last bit of hope vanishes with each second you have to spend with a monster next to you until you find yourself in complete darkness. When he laughs at you and mocks you and hurts you over and over again! You have no idea how much it hurts and how dirty you feel, how the memories won’t go away! It is so easy to sit there and judge me, isn’t it?! You have NO FUCKING IDEA!” Orlando could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. Tears of anger. This man knew nothing of him or of what he had gone through so how dared he to say such things? He wasn’t using all of this as an excuse.
Orlando hadn’t noticed that his whole body was shaking and that tears were streaming freely over his cheeks. Viggo had followed all this with amazement but now it was enough. He didn’t know what Harry wanted to attain and he didn’t care. Orlando was upset and that was something Viggo disliked.
“Orlando? Orli?” Viggo embraced Orlando and tried to soothe him. Orlando was still trembling and some inner wall seemed to crumble inside the young man. His eyes were squeezed shut while hot tears dampened his face.
“I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.”
Viggo could barely understand the words Orlando spoke between sobs.
“H-he had n-n-no right to d-do that. I h-hate him!”
“I know angel. I know.” Viggo cast a helpless look over at Harry. To his surprise the therapist looked satisfied.
“That’s okay Orlando, just let it out. You have every right to be angry.” Harry nodded in Viggo’s direction, assuring him that this was the reaction he had wanted to achieve with his words. Viggo wasn’t too sure that he understood the reasons but decided to trust Harry. He sat down on the couch again, pulling Orlando on his lap and let the brunette cry. It was silent in the room except for Orlando’s sobs and the distant sounds from outside. After a few minutes Orlando calmed a bit and the shaking of his body lessened. Orlando tried to breathe in a steady rhythm again. He felt weird. Without knowing it he had bolted through the door which had been opened for him. He had left the darkness behind and found himself at a loss and blinded by the light. He couldn’t place what had just happened.
“Orlando?”
This time brown eyes looked up when Harry spoke.
“This was a good beginning. You are able to feel something you just have to allow it. Don’t succumb to numbness. You have to allow your feelings and you have to take things into your hands. We all can help you but you are the only one who is able to decide that you want to live again.”
Orlando looked away again.
“That’s so hard.”
“I know. But do you want it?”
After a few seconds in silence that seemed to scream in his ears Orlando nodded.
“Yes. I want my life back.”
“If you really want it you will get your life back. Don’t kill every emotion inside yourself attempting to kill the pain. Allow the pain and every other feeling and let it out. Don’t keep it inside you because it will get too much. You can talk to me and you can talk to Viggo.”
Orlando nodded again, his head resting against Viggo’s shoulder. He felt exhausted all of a sudden. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed now and let warmth wash over him and lull him to sleep.
“Well, this was a lot for the first appointment. I’d like to see you on Monday again, same time. Is that alright with you?”
It was Viggo’s turn to nod.
“Okay. And Orlando you can call me any time if you need to talk. I’ll give you my phone number.” Harry scribbled the number down on a piece of paper and gave it to Orlando who took it with a slightly trembling hand.
“Well, have a nice weekend then.” Harry smiled at them before Viggo pulled Orlando up with him and led him out into the hallway. Thoughts were racing through his mind. This had been so weird and still Viggo could feel that it helped Orlando. A surprised sound bubbled over Viggo’s lips when he found himself with an armful of Orlando as soon as they stood in the corridor.
“Vig?” Brown eyes looked up at Viggo, tears still shimmering in them.
“Hm?”
“Take me home?”
A smile crept onto Viggo’s face.
“Anytime angel.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“But I don’t want to see them.”
“Orlando they are your friends.” Viggo sighed; his eyes followed Orlando who was pacing through the room. He really couldn’t understand him. Yesterday everything had been okay…well as okay as it could be. Orlando had been exhausted after the appointment at the therapist and they had spent the afternoon watching TV. Orlando hadn’t talked much but also hadn’t isolated himself from his surroundings anymore. The night and morning had been alright as well until Dom had called. They had all heard that Jeff had been arrested (Viggo was very grateful that the PR agents of New Line Cinema had managed to keep the whole thing out of the media) and now the Hobbits, Sean Bean, and Liv wanted to come over. They hadn’t seen Orlando since he had been kidnapped and the Brit had refused to talk to them or answer the phone calls.
“They are worried Orlando.” Viggo could see the growing tension of Orlando. Yesterday he had been relaxed for the first time but it occurred to Viggo that each time they took one step forward they did two in return.
“Viggo I-I …I can’t. I’m…tired, okay? I’m not in the mood to see them.” Orlando played nervously with the hem of his jumper. In truth he wasn’t ready to face them. Would they still be his friends after all? Did they want someone so broken? He didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes.
Viggo sighed again. He wouldn’t force Orlando, hell he just wanted him to be well again, but at the same time he knew that sparing him everything wouldn’t be helpful on the long run.
“Orlando, you can’t hide from the world forever.”
“I am not hiding!” Orlando snapped, giving Viggo an angry glare. He wasn’t hiding; he just didn’t want to see them yet. Orlando had thought that Viggo would understand him but obviously this wasn’t the case anymore. All of a sudden Orlando felt like crying.
“Vig please…”
Viggo swallowed hard. This was so hard because he wanted to protect Orlando from the world but he couldn’t lock him up forever. It would be like taking away the wings of a bird, hindering him to fly.
“Alright. But you have to tell them yourself.” Viggo took the phone and held it out to Orlando. The brunette looked at the phone for a few seconds before he pressed his lips together, turned around and left the room.
Viggo placed the phone on the table again suppressing another sigh. When had things become so difficult? He could not understand Orlando but couldn’t blame him either.
Orlando locked the bedroom door behind him and leaned against it for a few seconds, closing his eyes. He could barely suppress the tears. He was annoyed and fed-up with his own behaviour. He bawled like a girl over every little thing. No wonder Viggo thought that he was weak and stupid. He couldn’t even make a simple phone call.
Orlando rubbed his eyes before he went over to the bed and crawled under the blanket. Somehow Viggo’s bed had become his hideout. The sheets held the smell of Viggo and Orlando buried his face deeper in the pillow as if to replace Viggo’s embrace with the familiar scent.
A few lonely tears were streaming over Orlando’s cheeks, falling onto the pillow and drying there, unseen. He couldn’t face his friends. He couldn’t look into their eyes, afraid of what he might find there. They wouldn’t want him back anyways. They were not coming to see him but to see some exotic animal, disgusting and fascinating all the same.
Orlando finally closed his eyes. No he didn’t want to be the new attraction.
Nearly an hour later a knock at the door startled Orlando from his restless sleep. He hadn’t even realized that he had fallen asleep and blinked a few times until his vision cleared.
Another knock.
“Orlando?”
Orlando swallowed hard when it was not Viggo’s voice he heard but Sean’s. Without realizing it he pulled the blanket tighter around himself and tried to ignore the murmurs before the door.
“Is he alright?”
“I don’t know, he doesn’t answer and the door is locked.”
“Fuck.”
“Let me speak with him.”
There were sounds of people moving.
“Orli?” This time it was Liv’s concerned voice.
“Orli are you alright? Please say something, you scare me.”
Orlando stared at the door as if all his demons were locked up behind it.
“I…I’m fine.” He finally choked out knowing that the chance that they’d go was even less when he didn’t answer.
“Good.” Liv let go a relieved breath.
“Would you let us in then?”
Orlando’s thoughts were racing, searching for an excuse they would believe. His hands were clutching the blanket so tightly that the knuckles of his fingers were white.
“I’m…I’m so tired and…everything. I’m really not in the mood Liv.”
“Bollocks. Come on Orli, we won’t stay for long, I promise. We even brought you the chocolate you like so much.”
Orlando rolled his eyes. What did she think? That she could bribe him as if he was nothing more than a pouting child? He felt anger welling up inside him.
“Please leave.” With that Orlando turned his back to the door and pulled the blanket over his head, ignoring any further pleading. He heard them talk outside for some time and then there was silence. Orlando sighed in relief. He didn’t know why he had gotten so angry. Some days ago he would’ve laughed about Liv’s try to bribe him with chocolate but now he felt as if she was messing around with him. Orlando closed his eyes again, groaning in frustration when someone knocked at the door again.
“Sod off!” Was it so difficult to understand that he wanted to be left alone?
“Landooo?”
Orlando’s eyes snapped open at once when he heard Ally’s voice. Guilt rose within him. He hadn’t meant to be so rude towards her.
“Ally? I’m sorry…I didn’t know it was you.” Slowly Orlando rolled over again, now facing the door.
“But now you know.”
Orlando couldn’t help a tiny smile at the innocent statement.
“Yeah now I know.”
“Can I come in? I don’t want to stay downstairs, Dommie has been mean to me and it is more fun with you anyways.”
Orlando raised an eyebrow. Maybe they had just sent Ally here so that he would open they door and they all could come in. After thinking about it twice he decided that it was bullshit. Ally never lied to him. He entangled from the blanket before he lumbered towards the door, unlocked it, and opened it only a little bit to see if there was someone else outside. The corridor was empty but before he could open the door further Ally had already forced it open a bit more and made her way into the room. Orlando closed the door again and raised the child kissing her on the cheek.
“What did Dommie do, Princess?”
Ally looked at Orlando, her short arms trying to embrace him.
“He said that I can’t be an elf because I am too small and that I can only be a stupid hobbit.” Ally pouted.
“Dom’s an idiot.” Orlando carried her over to the bed where he sat down and leaned against the headboard, Ally on his lap.
“Dom is a stupid hobbit that’s why he doesn’t see that you are an elf princess.”
Ally beamed up at Orlando before she snuggled closer, her small fingers tracing an invisible pattern on his jumper.
“Like Arwen?”
“Better than Arwen.”
Orlando did not know why but somehow Ally’s presence calmed him and he could relax. Maybe because she didn’t know what happened or could not understand it and behaved like she always had. She was still the same not acting as if he was a broken toy or pitying him.
“Why are you not coming down? Daddy said you don’t feel well.” Ally looked up at Orlando, innocence and trust shining in her blue eyes. Orlando tucked one strand of blonde hair behind her ear before he slowly answered.
“No, I am not feeling to well today, Princess, that’s why I won’t come down. There are just days where you feel so sick that you don’t want so many people around, you know?”
Ally nodded before she crawled up and placed a kiss on Orlando’s cheek.
“Are you sick? When I am sick momma makes tea for me and tells me stories and I always feel better afterwards. I am sure she could do the same for you.”
Orlando smiled and hugged the girl.
“I am not really sick, don’t worry. How could I anyways, now that you are here?”
Ally giggled and nuzzled against his shoulder.
“But I could tell you a story, even if you are not sick.”
“That’s a great idea, Princess.” Orlando sank further into the pillows and pulled the blanket over Ally and himself. Ally made herself comfortable half draped over Orlando’s chest, still playing with his pullover.
“Once upon a time there lived a princess…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Half an hour later when Viggo wanted to look after Orlando he found the bedroom door open and Orlando half asleep. Ally had just finished her story and was tracing invisible patterns on Orlando’s cheek with her finger.
Viggo stopped in the doorway and took in the peaceful picture. Orlando seemed so calm and relaxed as if able to completely let go for the first time and the reason for it was definitely Ally. Viggo walked to the bed and carefully sat down on the edge.
“I’m sorry to disturb you both but Christine made sandwiches for everyone and wants Ally to come down. I figured you might be hungry too.”
Orlando opened his eyes lazily and blinked for a few times.
“Nah, no’ really hungry.” He murmured voice heavy and hoarse from dozing. In fact he was hungry but didn’t want to go down. He didn’t notice the pout on Ally’s face.
“You can’t let me go alone, Landoooo. Please come down with me. Please, please, please, please.” Ally was bouncing on the bed next to Orlando.
“Please.”
“Ally I don’t –“
“Pleseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.”
“But I-“
“Pleseeeeeeeeeease.”
“Alright, alright.” Orlando grumbled his hands raised in defeat. He truly didn’t want to go and felt panic tickling in his stomach already but he couldn’t stand Ally’s begging either.
“But only for a few minutes.” Orlando added quickly. Now he was the one pouting while Ally hugged him happily and Viggo smiled.
“Only for a few minutes.” The Dane reassured before he got up and waited for Orlando and Ally at the door. Ally jumped out of bed before she took Orlando’s bigger hand with her small ones and tried to pull him out of bed. Orlando groaned before he stood up. He didn’t have much time to worry or be scared though; Ally pulled him out of the bedroom and down the stairs without hesitation. He had to concentrate so that he wouldn’t trip over his own feet. As soon as he stood in the living room panic kicked in again, crushing his body. The talking had stop immediately and Orlando felt eyes looking at him. He swallowed hard his eyes fixed to the floor. Ally didn’t seem to notice the Brit’s distress and walked towards the couch, her hands still holding Orlando’s.
“Dommie, Lando said you are an idiot and that I am no stupid hobbit!” Ally stated when no one spoke while she forced Orlando to sit down so she could crawl onto his lap again and make herself comfortable. Her words seemed to wake everybody from the frozen state and all of a sudden everyone was talking again.
Orlando relaxed a bit when the heavy silence ended though he did not look up. He felt uncomfortable enough without seeing the expression on everyone’s face. He nearly jumped when a plate with two sandwiches was placed on the table in front of him.
“It’s good to see you, Orlando.” Christine smiled and placed her hand on Orlando’s shoulder for a few seconds. Orlando resisted the urge to flinch away. His gaze flickered up before he looked away again, nodding shyly.
“Ally and you got to eat something. I saved the two sandwiches for you because I doubt that the hobbits would’ve left something.”
“Thanks.” Orlando’s voice sounded oddly faint in his own ears.
“No problem, dear.” Christine gently patted Orlando’s back before she left again. Orlando was grateful for it. She had been nothing but kind but he felt ill-at-ease. He wanted to vanish or become invisible. He was distracted though when Ally leaned forward and tried to reach the sandwiches. Her arms were to short so Orlando leaned forward and took the plate. He held it for her so she could pick up one of the sandwiches. Ally beamed up at him, snuggling closer. Orlando’s lips curled into a smile before he took the second sandwich.
“Are you still feeling sick?” The concern in the voice of the child raised a warm feeling in Orlando’s stomach.
“Only a little bit.” Orlando smiled reassuringly at Ally but it didn’t seem to ease her. She nibbled at her sandwich, eyes fixed on him.
“I could mix you some medicine and stay here so that I can care for you! Daddy always says that I would be a very good nurse.” Ally’s blue eyes shone with pride.
“That’s sweet Princess but I guess I don’t need medicine, just some rest. Although I am sure that your daddy is right and you are the best nurse ever.” Orlando placed a gentle kiss on Ally’s forehead before his eyes drifted to the side. He felt the couch dip when Sean Bean took a seat next to him.
“Oh Ally is a very good nurse indeed. She made tea for me when I had a cold and it was the best tea ever. The cold was instantly gone afterwards.”
Ally giggled and nuzzled into Orlando’s jumper.
“Really? Well you have to make some tea for me sometime then, Princess.” Orlando swallowed hard and tried to calm his nerves. He was feeling nervous and unable to breathe now that Sean sat there.
“I’m sure she’ll do that.” Sean smiled before he murmured “It’s nice to see you, lad.”
Orlando looked up for some seconds and met Sean’s green eyes which held nothing but concern and kindness. Still he couldn’t stand it for long and looked away again.
“It’s…it’s nice to see you too.” Orlando finally managed to whisper. His fingers were playing with strands of Ally’s blonde hair absent-mindedly. There was silence for some seconds before Sean spoke again.
“We really missed you, elfboy. Let me know if I can help you in any way, yeah? Like beating the hobbits off with a stick and such you know?” Sean’s serious voice held the hint of a smile at the end. The corners of Orlando’s mouth twitched lightly before he smiled.
“Thanks Seanie.” The once familiar nickname sounded odd as if it hadn’t been spoken in ages. All the same it seemed to bring back memories of a time that hadn’t been too long ago and yet was still so far away.
“No problem, elfboy.” Sean’s eyes locked with Viggo’s and they seemed to understand each other without words.
“Hey, how about watching a movie?” Elijah’s voice drowned out the other voices in the room. There were murmurs of agreement before Orlando found himself surrounded with people all of a sudden while Elijah looked over Viggo’s DVD’s. He shifted around uncomfortably and his arms tightened around Ally. Viggo sensed Orlando’s distress and made Sean move a bit so that he was able to sit next to Orlando. He gathered the young man in his arms carefully without saying a word.
Orlando didn’t have to look up to know it was Viggo next to him. He let himself be pulled into the other’s arms and started to relax when Elijah had found something he liked and everyone looked at the TV screen. He wasn’t the centre of attention anymore and very glad for it. After some time Orlando was even able to relax completely and soon drifted off to sleep while surrounded by the people he loved and who cared for him. He had yet taken another step towards the light, which was hope.
TBC
some parts of this chapter were inspired by this picture
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-01 06:36 pm (UTC)and loved Viggo's comforting
sometimes you gotta puch a bit
no subject
Date: 2007-01-01 07:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-01 07:03 pm (UTC)"He had yet taken another step towards the light, which was hope." What a beautiful way to end this chapter. Even though I am still crying I feel hopeful! Bravo! *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2007-01-01 07:18 pm (UTC)so glad that you liked it ^^
no subject
Date: 2007-01-01 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-02 10:04 am (UTC)