Mea Culpa - repost ch 4
Aug. 5th, 2006 03:21 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
imogen-lily.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
vigorliTitle: Mea Culpa
Author: Imogen
Disclaimer: I don't know these men - or women. It's complete fiction, no money made
Pairing: VigOrli, Orlando/OC. Possibly others later, not sure yet.
Summary: Abuse wreaks everyone's lives. Who picks up the pieces?
Warnings: referance to domestic abuse, rape, attempted suicide and violence. It's not as depressing as it sounds but I'm aiming for realistic portrayals.
Feedback: Oh yes!!!! Please!!
Archive: sure just let me know where.
beta: the amazing Littlegreenleaf. Love you!
FYI: 'mea culpa' is latin and is used in Catholic prayers of confession. Translated it means "my fault", or "my own fault". In order to emphasize the message, the adjective "maxima" may be inserted, resulting in "mea maxima culpa," which would translate as "my most [grievous] fault." Also sharpes_hussy has pointed out "it also it is also used in the Latin rite mass during the offertory as a plea to God to forgive sin in preparation for communion". So thanks for that extra bit of info!
Also thank you to everyone who's given reviews and feedback, it's really helpful
***~~~***
The party had been winding down for some time now. Despite Viggo’s initial reservations, he was glad Orlando had persuaded him to invite everyone round. Everyone seemed to have had a good time. Sean and Miranda having left a while ago, and Beanie along with Karl, Liv and Craig having just taken off. As usual there were some stranglers, and three hobbits, an elf, a ranger and a wizard that still lingered.
Orlando was resting against Viggo's chest, clearly dozing off, while Ian was quietly chatting with Viggo. Elijah was leaning against Dom under the pretext of `manly companionship'. Billy seemed to find this highly amusing and even more so when Dom gave him an `evil eye'. Viggo unconsciously ran his hands through Orlando's hair, careful not to wake him. "You really love him," smiled Ian. It wasn't a question.
"More than I thought possible," whispered Viggo as he placed a gentle kiss on Orlando's forehead.
“It’s about fucking time!”
"Why thank you, Elijah. Glad to know we have your blessing, but shut the fuck up. The Elf's tired," Viggo whispered. Ian grinned at Elijah; the young man did have a point. They did make a rather striking couple, polar opposites that were perfectly aligned.
There was no doubt of Orlando's love for Viggo; that had been rather obvious since the latter had arrived. True, it had begun as admiration, a touch of hero-worship, maybe even awe, but it quickly changed as Orlando got to know Viggo, the man behind the actor, seeing him as flesh and blood rather than some mythical god-like figure. As soon as he’d seen Viggo as human, there had been no hope for Orlando.
Bets had been placed among several members of the cast as to who would make the first move. Orlando was infatuated but clearly shy while Viggo was trying desperately to reign in his emotions. It had been an interesting first few months on set to say the least. Indeed Billy and Dom had claimed it was the best romantic comedy film they had ever seen. Luckily, Viggo didn't hear them.
Ian had watched as Viggo had quickly become infatuated with Orlando and his struggle to make his feelings go unnoticed, but Ian was nothing if not observant. He remembered how nervous Viggo had looked when the two had hesitantly confessed their relationship to the cast. Everyone adored Orlando; the boy was made to be loved. And Viggo… it was hard to not admire the man. To Ian’s why of thinking, if people could put up with an old queen like him on set, they should have no problems with two incredibly handsome men together.
Now that was a truly beautiful image. Light and dark, a beautiful contrast. He remembered how at first Viggo and Orlando had attempted to disguise their new-found love, which proved a futile task. Anyone who’d been in love knew the looks. He remembered watching the little touches, smiles and jokes both on and off set; yes, it was building up into a very beautiful love story and Ian couldn't be happier for his friends. Ian told Viggo that they reminded him of Romeo and Juliet.
"Gee thanks Ian. All we need now is to be sworn enemies and kill ourselves, not to mention taking down half dozen others with us in the process. How terribly romantic," Viggo dead-paned. Ian chuckled slightly.
"My dear boy, are you forgetting the depths of passion and despair they went through for each other? What is that if not true love? To die for love is no small feat. I've seen you together; rarely have I seen two people so committed to each other as you are. I have no doubt that you would give up your lives for each other, or go to extreme lengths to protect each other. That's a rare thing, very similar to a pair of star crossed lovers, if I recall."
"They didn't exactly have a happy ending Ian," Viggo sighed slightly.
For some reason, he occasionally became terrified that he would lose Orlando, in some way. Things were too good, too perfect. Surely happiness, or love like this, wasn't meant to last.
"Not every love story ends in tragedy, Viggo. Most of the great ones end in tragedy caused by forces outside their control. It was never their love that was the problem; it was other's interpretations of that love. Surely, you as an artist, can appreciate that?" he smiled gently.
The long forgotten memory temporarily jarred Viggo...an eternal love, yeah right, sorry Ian, that only exists in Hollywood. There would be no turning back the clock or possibly even second chances with this, if Orlando couldn’t, or wouldn’t hang on.
Shaking his head, trying to rid himself of the clawing thoughts while taking a deep breath, Viggo walked into Orlando's hospital room. Dominic was still there, his eyelids drooping. He wasn't sure where Elijah was, probably having a cigarette. The way the kid was going, he'd end up with lung cancer by the age of thirty, which considering it was only two years away chilled him. He frowned at the morbid thought, suddenly craving a cigarette himself, just one, or several, to help him and take his mind of the grim reality. Orlando had helped him give up cigarettes years ago, but he'd slipped up in moments of weakness. He seemed to have a lot of those recently.
Besides, who was he to criticize Elijah? There was no way he could be dismissed as `a kid' any longer- not after what he'd gone through, what he'd seen and had to deal with. Maybe he'd gone home. He hoped so but had to admit it was unlikely. Elijah undoubtedly would stay until Orlando woke up, or at least something changed ... either way.
Viggo couldn't help but be amazed and awed by the friend's dedication. He wondered what the rest of the Fellowship would do when they heard the news. Viggo hadn't phoned anyone yet, and he knew he would put it off for as long as possible. How do you tell someone that his or her friend has been abused for several years now and subsequently tried to kill himself as a means of escape?
That wasn't even taking into account Sonia and Samantha Bloom. They probably had no idea what was going on and that made Viggo feel really low. He knew he'd never forgive someone if they didn't tell him something was wrong with Henry.
They, more than anyone, had a right to know. But they'd also be the hardest to tell. Viggo didn't really know the Bloom women. Orlando had never gotten around to introducing them properly before they'd broken up. How would it look for Orlando's ex, who hadn’t been in contact with Orlando for years, to suddenly ring up and inform them Orlando had been trapped in an abusive relationship for four years and just tried to kill himself and because of said ex, his heart had been irreparably shattered? What a wonderful introduction. No, he didn't think he could face that yet. Not right now. Probably not ever, in truth. Yep, Viggo `the spineless coward’ Mortensen, at your service. Walking over to Dom, Viggo nudged him gently, tying to rouse the younger man.
He and Dom hadn't really had a proper conversation since he arrived. Viggo swallowed his nerves. He was a grown man, for God sake, with a severely hurt ex-lover… friend and he had to clear the air with Dominic ... and Elijah too, if need be. There couldn't be any uneasiness between them, for everyone's sake. Dom and Elijah could still be angry with him - that he could deal with – but first he had to open up the lines of communication.
He shook Dom gently, not wanting to scare him. Dom moaned slightly, clearly not happy about being woken up, but after reluctantly cracking an eye open and seeing Viggo, Dom quickly found himself waking up fully. Neither said anything while Dom stretched, trying to work out all the kinks that had accumulated in his body from napping in a hospital chair.
"Where's Elijah?" Viggo asked at last, breaking the silence. Easy question to start off with.
"Hmm? Oh, fag time," Dom mumbled, and then found himself embarrassed by the connotations of the sentence. "Cigarette, I mean," he added hastily. For the first time in what seemed an age, Viggo felt a smile hover on his lips, but it soon faded. There wasn't really much to smile about. The reason was lying unconscious between them.
"I sent him out for some fresh air and to clear his head. What did the doc tell you?" Dom asked as he lifted himself out of the chair that seemed to have moulded to his shape. Viggo paused for a second, wondering if he should he mention what Dr. McCoy had said. Could Dom handle it, but more to the point, could he? To tell Dom would be to admit those acts had taken place. While it was stored in his head, it somehow seemed less real, less frightening. The doc said she wasn't sure how much Dom could take and he had little doubt she was right.
The lack of sleep and sheer worry was evidently taking its toll on Dominic, and Elijah. This would destroy them, of that he was certain. While Viggo internally debated the issue, Dominic looked carefully at the older man. He was hiding something. Something had definitely happened in the doctor's room. Just how far had the doc gone with details? How much detail did they need?
Viggo felt like he’d aged considerably since he came out of that room, and now Dominic was feeling bad. He felt sick from lack of food and sleep, sick from the worry and terror he'd been through, sick for himself, his friend and Orlando. Maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh with Viggo.
Yes, it was Viggo who broke Orlando's heart, but he couldn't control Mark's actions. He didn't know that Orlando still loved him, and in all honesty, Viggo couldn't control that either. Viggo had been foolish, cowardly and to a degree, selfish, but he'd also had Orlando's welfare genuinely in mind. He'd never hurt Orlando when they were together. He never controlled Orlando.
It was Mark who'd done all of that; Viggo was just a viable target for Dom to channel his anger. Mark wasn't here so Viggo had to take the brunt of Dominic's rage, and he knew that was wrong. His anger was directed at the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
"Dominic," Viggo began, and then paused. Oh. Viggo had used his full name. That almost hurt. It had been so long since they’d spoken. Dominic was tired. He wanted to have Viggo as a friend again, to use their stupid nicknames and forget that Mark ever existed. He still held anger towards Viggo, futile though it was, yet the anger had diminished over the years due to Mark, but now resurfaced upon seeing his estranged friend.
He wanted to blame Viggo for Orlando’s abuse. If Orlando hadn’t still loved Viggo, this never would have happened. Of course, such thoughts were ludicrous and didn’t lead anywhere, but he needed someone to blame. He had to have a target to vent his anger, or he felt he would explode. Slowly, Dom looked up at him. The older man looked lost as his gaze moved to Orlando for a moment as if his reason for living had been destroyed, which in some ways, Dom reasoned, it had been.
"I ... I need to ask you something, and you have to be honest." That annoyed Dom.
"Oh, you want to talk about honesty? That’s rich coming from you! I'm not the one who lied to Orlando, pretending the break up was for his own good, pretending I didn't want to see Orlando, pretending that Orlando couldn't cope with the outside world. Orlando isn't a child Viggo. He hasn't been for a long time. He was young when you guys were together, yes, but even then he wasn't a child. He was an adult. He knew his mind-"
"Look, I didn't come here to fight, I came because I was asked. I was wrong, stupid, cruel ... call me whatever you want. I deserve that. But I know I can’t change it, no matter how much I want to, and I wish to God I could. No amount of wishing will change that."
Dom growled sarcastically. He didn’t want to hear Viggo trying to justify leaving Orlando. He’d heard the reasons before, and they were old. As far as he was concerned, there was no way Viggo could ever justify that, for ripping Orlando's heart out. But he also knew that Viggo was trying. He wasn’t running away, Dom had to give him credit for that at least.
"I was scared, ok? Scared shitless. Orlando was young and going to be a star. Everyone wanted him ... he was getting so many offers. I keeping thinking he might meet someone ... younger, or I don't know ..., I couldn’t bare to lose Orlando like that. I didn't want to go through that, nor did I want the whole `gay bashing' thing if we came out, I didn’t want to deal with it, I didn’t want to face the petty mindedness some people can carry. It would have affected Orli and Henry, no matter what they said. It would have hurt them, Orlando always looked for the good in people, I didn’t want him to loose that. I didn't want to be responsible for stopping his career before it took off. So yeah, I was dishonest; I was cowardly because I couldn't see any other way to stop myself or Orli from being hurt," Viggo admitted quietly.
Dom didn't say anything, but nodded in acceptance. He knew that must have been hard for Viggo to say and he appreciated it.
"Look, I've been giving you a hard time, I'm aware of that. I'm angry with everyone, including myself. I know I shouldn’t blame you for Orlando's abuse. You can't control how Mark thinks, or how Orlando feels, and I accept that. I hate that you walked away from him; that you didn’t fight for what you had, I hate that you caused Orlando so much hurt and made him feel unloved, I hate that you felt forced into doing that. I hate that I didn't stop things sooner ... that I didn't get Orlando away.
“I'm his best friend; I promised I'd always look out for him, just like he’d look out for one of us. I'm angry with Orlando for giving up, for not doing ... something ... to stop Mark. I want to rip Mark's heart out with my bare hands. I ... don't think I've ever truly hated anyone before, Viggo. But I hate Mark; I hate him with every fibre of my being. I know I could kill him right now, and never regret it for the rest of my life," Dominic whispered, looking up at Viggo for a moment.
It was close to how Viggo was feeling. Undoubtedly, Dominic and Elijah carried their own guilt, however unreasonable it was, for `failing' to protect their friend. His heart ached for the younger man before him. God how Viggo could relate to Dom’s feelings, the guilt and anger were swimming inside him. Dom was right, at that moment he too could murder and feel no remorse, but he choked the feelings down.
No matter how much he abhorred the man, how much he wished for his suffering, he could let these thoughts consume him. He couldn’t afford to loose focus here, Orlando was the only thing that mattered right now and he had to keep reminding himself of it. "Dom ... what happened, with Mark. I have to know everything, please," Viggo whispered, looking imploringly at him. He had to know how much they knew, silently praying they already knew, that he wouldn’t have to tell them.
"I don't know when it started exactly, things just crept up. Elijah noticed earlier, he never liked Mark so I thought it was just Elijah being unfair to Mark. But I noticed things changed after the reunion party. It was slow, really slow, but Orli was withdrawn and tired a lot. I thought he was working too hard, just the usual stuff. No one, apart from Lij, seemed to think anything was wrong at that point. Mark wanted him to stop acting. I thought he was worried about Orlando’s health, but then he started getting annoyed around Orli’s co-stars; he got jealous when Orli made friends with them. It was weird…he could just about handle the girls, like Liv and Kirsten didn’t bother him too much. He didn’t like Orlando around them but he tolerated it. I actually think he almost liked Keira, but it was really the guys, any guys. It used to drive Mark crazy whenever Orlando even hugged someone. Orlando was affectionate, yes, but he wasn’t a player or anything. Despite his age and free, loving personality, Orlando had surprisingly strong views on monogamy.
He got really pissed off around Johnny-the way they hugged each other and stuff. Along with Beanie and Eric, those were the three that really pissed Mark off because they’d all worked with Orli more than once…I think, or maybe he thought they fancied Orli or something, God knows what went through his head. At first it was just those three, but he started just hating all of Orli’s co-stars. First there was us guys, then Heath, Ewan, Brad. After that it was Liam, Ed Norton, ... the list was just fucking endless… they all came under his firing line too - never mind that they’re all straight; he really saw them as a threat," Dom snorted, shaking his head.
"When did Orlando tell you? About the abuse?"
"...He didn't. I just ... knew something was wrong, I can't even remember when I realized it, I just remember seeing Orli in the bedroom one day. He had a massive black eye and was trying to cover it up. Then I noticed all the long sleeves, the sunglasses, the no-going-out.... It didn't take a genius to work it out once it slapped me in the face, so to speak. I couldn't believe it, that he'd kept it from us. God, I felt betrayed in some way, hurt that he wouldn't, or couldn't tell us – I was really hurt. God, I was almost angry at Lij for seeing what I couldn’t. When I asked him, Orli wouldn't talk about it, pretended everything was fine ... a stunt accident or something like that. I believed him at first, he seemed OK. Then more bruises came, sometimes cuts, and these weren't just small bruises and scrapes, they were nasty fuckers. But he kept saying they were on-set accidents, tripping over things - his clumsiness, always his fault. Same excuse every time; it began to really piss me off but I couldn't do anything. He wouldn't let me. When Elijah's filming wrapped, he called Orlando and immediately knew something was wrong. It took him all of three hours to discover what it was," Dom paused, his gaze drifting back to Orlando.
"I've never seen Lij so mad. I didn't think he could get really angry, y'know? Everyone always thinks he’s so sweet and cute but then ... I was really scared of him, and for him, scared of what he'd do. Christ, Lij wanted to kill Mark, I mean really kill him and he looked like he'd do it ... like he'd do it and not care. And that's what scared me. He was going to go right over and do it without a second's thought...God the number of times I wanted to do that myself. I’d kill him now if I could, I swear I would...I tried to reason with him but he was just...he didn't listen, said I wasn't Orlando's friend if I stopped him. But Orlando stopped him. He just grabbed his arm and pleaded with him to stay. He ... he didn't want Mark hurt!" Dom bit out, his eyes clouding over. His mouth took on a bitter smirk and he looked up at Orlando and then to Viggo.
He shouldn't be surprised. That was Orlando; he never wanted anyone hurt, even the bastard that had hurt him so badly. Was that why he didn't fight back? "He ... he just wouldn't talk about it, clammed up or changed the subject. I just remember him looking so ... haunted, so lost. He was being destroyed and I couldn't stand that."
"It wasn't your fault, Dom. You couldn't make Orlando leave, short of kidnapping him," Viggo said, his voice gentle and soothing. Dom shook his head vigorously.
"He did leave once," Dom sighed, as he looked at Viggo for a moment. "I practically forced him to. I was so scared that he'd end up dead," he admitted, as his mind drifted back to that day.
*** flashback ***
Dom stood with his arms folded, a scowl marring his usually cheerful face. He hadn't smiled much recently. Orlando didn't look at him, as he busied himself tidying the room. "You've got to leave. I can’t keep doing this I don’t want to pick up the pieces when this is all over. I can’t take it any more Orlando" he said, a harsh note in his voice. Orlando didn't look up or give any sign he'd heard, but Dom knew he had, he knew Orlando listened, Mark had made sure Orlando knew how important listening was.
He knew the bruises were there, no matter if Orlando hid his face or not, he knew there were probably worse injuries hidden by the jumpers. Even the well-placed blots of concealer couldn’t hide the injuries because Dom always knew where to look, Orlando couldn’t hide from him no matter how hard he tried. That's all Orlando did nowadays ... hide. It was frustrating to say the least; all Dom wanted to do was help, but for every wall Dom managed to partially knock down, there was another barrier immediately springing up; another fake smile masking the all too obvious sadness and the pain. Nothing changed.
Sighing he tried again. "He did it again, didn't he." It wasn't a question and both knew the answer.
"Where was it? The jaw, a rib, your back? Did he kick you this time instead? Got to have variety haven’t we? I’d hate to think things got boring for Mark, but then it doesn't really matter does it? As long as he hits you, he's happy and you just fucking take it! You can’t even admit to me or Lij what’s happening. We know Orlando, OK? WE KNOW – we’ve seen the bruises, the cuts, the fucking boot imprints...so stop acting like it’s nothing! Why do you keep hiding, keep pretending?? Why can't you accept what's happening? Fuck, Orlando, he's abusing you, he has been for years! Why the fuck won't you leave?!"
"He doesn't mean to," Orlando sighed, not looking up. "He gets so angry he just can't control himself. You don’t understand…" the voice was quiet, almost accepting of his treatment.
While part of Dom’s heart cried for his friend’s pain, he felt another swell of anger rise up. For a moment, Dom didn’t recognise the person in front of him. He was a stranger. This wasn’t his friend, not the Orlando he knew. Orlando had never given up, not when he broke his back or when Viggo left him, or even when he came out. He kept fighting. Why wouldn’t he fight now? What had changed?
"Oh, how sad, poor Mark. Forgive me if my heart's made of stone. He never means to, does he Orli? He never means to punch you in the gut, or slam your head against a wall. I'm sure it's an accident when he kicks you – oops, his foot slipped. He's a grown man; he should control himself," Dom said, his voice harsh and unforgiving. He had no sympathy for Mark. No one deserved to be hit, no matter what.
"I've seen what he does to you; don't you dare tell me it was a mistake, or that he loves you. If he loved you, he’d get counselling or stay away. Look at everything he does to you! He controls everything in your life, tells you who to talk to, how to dress, accuses you of sleeping with every man on God’s green earth, and then when he's bored, he kicks the crap out of you because something pisses him off. Well, I'm pissed off now, maybe I should take out my frustration on Mark, think he'd like that?"
"He doesn't...it's not like that" Orlando could meet Dom's eyes when he spoke, but his shouldered shuddered as if he was about to cry. Dom fought every instinct to cradle his friend
"It's exactly like that. You're my friend and I’m not going to let this carry on. I want to keep you safe but I can't do anything if you don't admit what's going on, you have to let me help you. That’s all I want, just let me in" Dom pleaded his voice softening, looking at Orlando, desperation clear in his eyes, he didn’t know how many more chances he’d get at this, he could feel Orlando slipping away each time and he was terrified if he didn’t help Orlando now, there wouldn’t be a next time... He was tidying the bedside table; no doubt that was something else Mark could punch him for. Not that he even needed an excuse these days.
Dominic ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. This wasn't working; he needed a response, or some sign of recognition from Orlando. He needed to see he was getting through. "How much longer is this gonna go on, huh? How often am I going to have this same conversation with you, why the hell won’t you TALK to me?? What will it take? Maybe a shattered skull, or a coma - would that change you’re mind? Oh I know, how about your funeral?" he growled, fury welling up inside him.
"Have any preferences on funeral arrangements – flowers, music? Because that's how this whole thing's going to end, Orlando. You dead in a box. and Mark ... well, one day Mark could be lying gutted in a ditch somewhere, and I doubt anyone will mourn him. That’ll be it, you’ll be dead and we’ll all be there hating ourselves because you wouldn’t listen, and it’ll be too late, because one day he’ll step over the line Orlando, and we won’t be here to stop him because you pushed us all away. I hate Mark, I hate him for what he’s done to you – what he’s still doing, but for the love of God Orlando, stop pretending everything’s OK! It’s going to kill you. People love you Orli, we all care about you; just let us help you please ... please."
Orlando stiffened for a moment and Dom was hopeful, maybe he'd managed to reach Orlando, but after a pause he continued his tidying, albeit slower than before. This was impossible; nothing he said would make a difference. He'd become a zombie and that scared Dom more than anything.
Had Orlando truly given up? Did he think he was that worthless, that he didn't deserve saving? If only he could get a spark of anger ... something, anything ... from Orlando. Couldn't he see this was killing him, that Mark was killing him slowly? Orlando would shake his head, try to smile, convince the world there was nothing wrong, but the press had picked up on something.
Gossip columns had talked of Orlando, their own ‘golden boy’ being `over worked' which caused his `tired, drawn appearance'. One had even suggested Orlando was bulimic, Dom had thrown the papers away in disgust.
"Orlando ... I ... I'm worried. I don't want to lose you, I’m scared…I…I can’t keep doing this Orlando, it’s getting too much " Dom whispered, a note of desperation in his voice, seemingly not noticing the tears that were gathering in his eyes. How far were things going to go before they all cracked?
To his relief, Orlando stopped his mechanical tidying. He slowly turned to Dom, tears in his eyes. God, he hated to see his friend so upset, but tears were good, even better than that smile. He didn't even try to smile at Dom as he slowly sat down on the bed. "I can't leave," he whispered.
"He needs me Dommie. He’s sick, I’ve got to stay."
Yeah, no shit ... sick in the head, Dom thought to himself. Tears began to roll down Orlando's cheeks and the bruised jaw was more prominent than ever. The cut above his eye would need some a good few stitches as well. Drawing his knees up to his chest, Orlando finally allowed the tears to fall. He hated hurting his friends so much - that's why he didn't look up anymore, why he tried not to answer them. He didn't want to see the anger and sorrow in their faces, didn't want to know he was causing their worry.
He was so selfish; Mark was his boyfriend, his problem. He should deal with it, not drag his friends into the sorry mess his life had become. They didn't need the worry or hassle. He hated himself for being so weak, so vulnerable. He tried not to cry anymore. It never did him any good. It wouldn't stop the pain he felt, or Mark's anger, in fact, it'd make matters worse. Mark hated it when he cried, it made him mad.
Dominic immediately went onto the bed and gathered Orlando in his arms as he began to gently rock him. Neither spoke for a while as Orlando cried quietly, all the fear pouring out of him as Dominic stroked Orlando's head gently. He couldn't be angry with Orlando, not really. How could he when Orlando was suffering so much? Frustration was the word.
He didn't understand why Orlando stayed; it couldn't be love, surely? There was no way this was love, not on Mark's part ... not proper love.
So why was Mark so terribly possessive? Even as he asked the question, he knew. It always came back to the same reason. Viggo. Ever since that reunion party, things had been tense between Mark and Orlando.
Of course Viggo had been there, he was part of the cast, but Orlando had kept his distance. Even Dominic had noticed that. He didn't blame Orlando; he didn't want to imagine how hard it must've been for Orlando to be confronted with Viggo again. Mark had been like thunder after that and had taken Orlando home early. Was that when he started hitting Orlando? Dom felt sick. Someone had made a joke that Orlando was definitely going to get lucky tonight; he hadn't seen Viggo's face, but Dom had been worried. By now Orlando's sobs had stopped and he was simply curled up to Dom, barely moving.
"Orli? You've got to leave," Dom whispered, threading his figures through Orlando's unruly curls. It wasn't a romantic gesture, it was solely comfort. Despite their easy, affectionate manner, there was no romance in their relationship. Similar to Elijah, their relationship was a bond like a cross between friends, brothers and confidents. It would never be romantic love and people seemed to find that hard to believe. So did Mark, it seemed. He'd accused Orlando of cheating on him with both Elijah and Dom. By this time though, Mark had already accused him of sleeping with several co-stars, especially Johnny, who Mark had developed an intense dislike for.
Of course, this was based solely on Orlando's friendship with him. He didn't like Johnny's compliments of Orlando, or them laughing together. He certainly didn't like them hugging. He also seemed to overlook the fact that Johnny was happily married with two kids. Fortunately, Johnny had shrugged off Mark's behaviour, at least in public. Privately it quickly became clear to Dom that Johnny was definitely apprehensive about Mark. It had been obvious that the feeling was mutual from the way Johnny had glared and hovered rather protectively over Orlando each time Mark visited the sets. He'd warned Dom and Elijah to keep an eye on him. Johnny, it seemed, had met people like Mark before. But by then Orlando had ceased to correct Mark over his supposed 'affairs', saying Mark wouldn't believe him anyway. It pained Dom to see Orlando so beaten, in both senses of the word. He waited for a response, a sign that Orlando had heard him.
"I know," he whispered, pulling back from Dom slightly.
That was unexpected, to say the least. Orlando had never admitted his abuse, he never talked about it. Dom's heart soared. Would Orlando let himself be helped? Orlando looked up at Dom for a moment and beneath the tear stained, tired face he saw his friend, and Dom wanted to cry himself. It'd been so long since he'd seen any glimpse of his friend. He was beginning to think Orlando would be forever lost. "I ... I ... I'm scared, Dominic. I want Mark to get better. I just keep thinking, if he can get help then things will get better ... he ... he'll stop and realise what's going on." Orlando paused for a moment.
"But it's not going to happen, I've tried so hard. I love him but ... he won't listen. He thinks I'm cheating on him again. I'm sick of pretending, of fighting. I just want it to stop. Everything hurts so much." Tears began to fill his eyes again, but he brushed them away.
"Just ... let me get you out of here Orlando, please. We can figure everything else out later. But right now, we need to leave," Dom begged, getting off the bed. He wasn't sure when Mark would be back and he wanted Orlando long gone before that happened. Orlando nodded, not speaking. Without speaking, Orlando took a bag from the wardrobe and quickly threw some clothes in it, not really paying much attention to what he was taking. It didn't matter anyway, who would care? Reaching up on the top of the wardrobe, suddenly he stopped. "What's wrong?" Dom asked. He really didn't want to hang around, and he was beginning to feel anxious and wouldn't relax until he had Orli far away from this place.
"Viggo" he whispered.
Dom stopped dead. Oh God. Not now, please. Not when he was so close. They had to get out of here. Dom had no idea when Mark would be back and the desire to get out was over-powering. Orlando passed him a worn photo of himself and Viggo cuddled together, their faces beaming, love and happiness radiating from every pore. Dom felt his throat catch. Where had that come from? It must've been taken years ago, several creases making it look rather worn, the colour faded. Of course this is what had started the whole thing off ... Viggo.
Even now, Dom was amazed at how Viggo had gotten into Orlando's heart and stayed there. There was a time when Dominic would’ve understood that; the devotion a man like Viggo could inspire had been astonishing on the Rings set. Dom had loved Viggo then. He was someone to look up to. His love for Orlando had been so obvious to him, it was a wonder he hadn’t jumped Orlando on their first day together, and when it had finally happened, they had worked so well together. So why had the stupid man ruined it? He couldn’t fathom how Viggo could be so in love with Orlando to only let him go, to force him away. He just couldn’t understand it.
Orli never talked about Viggo anymore because it `upset' Mark. Of course Mark never considered it was painful for Orlando to talk about, no of course not, because Mark felt things mere mortals weren’t capable of. He had to be the most self-obsessed person Dominic had ever met. It was strange, to many Mark appeared confident, out-going...he got on well with people, so where did the paranoia, the innate anger come from? It was sickening to think that Dominic had actually once liked Mark, considered him ‘good’ for Orlando, that he proved a nice contrast to Viggo.
He’d never seemed to hold the artistic insecurities that Viggo had, never gone to lengths to conceal their relationship. If anything Mark had sought to display Orlando to the world. Dom had thought that was good at first. Everyone saw how Mark had made Orlando open up again.
It was difficult to pinpoint when things had noticeably changed. Orlando’s withdrawal had been so gradual, so carefully crafted by Mark they never noticed. People lost contact, conflicting schedules, photoshoots and globe trotting were all too easy. No wonder Mark had gained such control over Orlando. Everyone knew Orlando suffered from over-work. He’d push himself to the limits before he relaxed, so not seeing him for months at a time had not been unusual for the Fellowship. It was Elijah who noticed first, how Orlando’s eyes began to dim, a slow silence creeping over him, how the clothes slowly changed, bright colours locked away, hiding himself in swathes of dark shapeless fabrics. Elijah had noticed all of this.
He knew how much it hurt Orlando. He hadn't meant to cut them out of his life and even though he still kept in contact with them, it wasn't the same, and frankly it wasn't worth the grief Mark would give Orlando afterwards. They'd all been concerned over Orlando's appearance. He thought Ian definitely suspected something; he was sharp and knew what to look for, but hadn't said anything except to tell Dom to take care of him. Beanie had asked Dom outright what was wrong, but he'd just shrugged; what could he say? Orlando would only deny it. Of course, it didn't convince Beanie, but there wasn't much he could do. He briefly wondered if Beanie had told Viggo about Orlando. He wasn't sure whose idea it had been or who started it, but Viggo and Orlando didn't communicate anymore. Not since that party.
He was somewhat amazed that Mark had allowed Orlando `access' to the outside world. This really pissed Dominic off more than anything - the manic controlling. It was as if he viewed Orlando as his possession, his toy to mould into whatever he saw fit, and he would be punished if Orlando did not conform. He hated Orlando’s acting, his clothes, and his co-stars. He hated his friends, and he absolutely loathed anyone remotely connected with Viggo, or more specifically, anyone who liked Viggo.
When he'd read an interview where Viggo mentioned Orlando, he'd flown into such a rage that it had taken Orlando two hours to calm him down and convince him that he wasn't have a secret affair or plotting to get back with Viggo. He marvelled that Mark could be so blind, Viggo didn’t want Orlando. He’d made that painfully obvious and any sort of reunion between the two was out of the question, although that would be a million times more preferable than staying with Mark. ANYTHING would be preferable to this
His mind briefly turned to the media. How they were going to keep this secret was a worry; the last thing Orlando needed was the sodding Paparazzi hounding him. Usually Orlando managed to keep away when he had bruises, but on the rare occasions that the vultures did catch him out and about, he had pretended it had been a stunt gone wrong. It had worked at first, but some of the tabloids were already making speculations, some of which Dom didn't want to know about. No, scratch that. He didn't want to know about any of them.
As an actor, he was still as popular as ever, but Orlando had grown to cherish his privacy. He didn't court publicity, despite what Mark thought. To have proof of his abuse splashed across the tabloids, or even worse, in England where his mum and sister could read it, would tear Orlando apart. He'd figure something out with Elijah; do some recon or plan a diversion of some kind. "That's what love's supposed to be, right?" Orlando asked as he carried on packing, searching for various items.
"All smiles and hearts. What a lie," he muttered not looking up.
"Why does love hurt so much? I don't get it. Do I have a `hurt me' sticker on my forehead?" he whispered, pausing slightly. Dom didn't respond. What could he say? It was true after all. Both Viggo and Mark had severely hurt Orlando, although in very different ways. And Dom didn't understand either.
"I want you to stay with me or Lij for a bit. No arguments. I don't care which, OK? I just want you to be safe," Dom said, his voice authoritative. Orlando nodded as he grabbed his bag and took a last look in the mirror, cracking a wry smile.
"You think people will notice this?" he asked, motioning to his eye before he looked back at Dom.
"Yep. Which is why we're out of here," Dom said, as he navigated Orlando out the door to his car ... and to safety. Only then did Dom allow himself to breathe easily. "He'll know I've gone," Orlando whispered, looking back at the house.
"Maybe he could beat himself up instead, would make a nice change," muttered Dom. After all, who else would Mark have to target his anger at if Orli wasn't available? Dom didn't know and frankly didn't care. For all he cared, Mark could destroy the whole bloody place, hopefully killing himself in the process. Orlando was away from there and that was all that mattered. Right now their main focus was keeping Orlando safe and as far away from Mark as possible.
"Look, none of this was your fault Orli, ok?" Dom said, as they stopped at a traffic light. Orli didn't respond at first, he appeared lost in a world of his own. He hoped it was nicer than his current world, but then again, Mount Doom would have been a more pleasant environment. The room, the entire house, had taken on a sickening appearance to Dom.
When Boromir had described the air of Mordor as poison, he finally understood what was meant by that. He felt a knot in his stomach whenever he entered the house. Feelings of disgust, sympathy and anger welling up uncontrollably when he thought about Orlando’s imprisonment here. There was something about the way Mark branded things, Orlando, the entire house seemed to permeate Mark’s possessiveness. It was a sickening thought. It almost reeked of it.
Things had come to a head yesterday when Elijah had tried to persuade Orlando to visit him and Billy, who was up for the week in between shooting. Being able to read between the lines, Billy had known something was wrong, and his worry for his friend was palpable. It was only towards the end of the week that Orlando had caved into Elijah’s begging and had agreed to meet up with him and Billy. Obviously Mark had not approved as Orlando had suddenly declined, pleading a stomach bug a note of near fear in his voice.
Elijah had been more than a little pissed off at that, and against Billy’s entreats had dragged his fellow hobbit round to see Orlando and ‘shake some sense’ into him (although Elijah himself winced at the choice of words.) Upon arriving, they discovered Orlando, for once, alone, tear tracks visible down his face, several bruises on his too-thin wrists and one hell of a black eye that no amount of concealor would hide. His face was almost white, lip bleeding slightly from where Orlando had bitten too hard. To see their once vibrant friend sitting on the floor, shaking and trying desperately to wipe his tears away had terrified the two men.
Billy had been horrified at the state of his friend-all his worst fears confirmed and wrapping his desolate friend in his arms, pleaded with Orlando to come back with them, which Orlando had naturally declined, a look of over-whelming fear and misery on his face.
Elijah had finally lost patience and grabbed the phone to ring the police and forcibly remove Orlando if necessary. Then things had taken an ugly turn. Orlando had gotten mad, demanding Elijah to put down the phone, to the astonishment of both men, and warned Elijah if he wanted their friendship to remain, to stay the hell out of his relationships. Billy, knowing better than to force Orlando’s hand, had said his goodbyes to Orlando and dragged the fuming Elijah away.
When Dom had received a furious phone-call from Elijah consisting mainly consisting of, but not limited to: ‘fucking bastard…kill him…doesn’t deserve to live….sodding git…. rat-face arse-weasel and killing the bastard motherfuking cunt’ exasperated and not a little worried, he’d turned to Billy for a translation.
Billy had warned, with a note of obvious fear, that unless something was done, they would loose Orlando, one way or another. That chilled Dominic, and he decided drastic action had to be taken. This time he wouldn’t take no for an answer, Orlando was coming with him, willingly or not.
"Maybe it was ... maybe I didn't love him enough," Orli whispered, tears forming in his eyes again. Mark hated it when he cried. Mark hated him period; he told him often enough, but then Mark didn't leave him, he never abandoned him. He told Orlando he was weak, and maybe he was.
He'd never be strong, not really, regardless what others thought. He thought he could be happy with Mark. Sure he had a temper, but no one was perfect, right? Maybe Mark did love him, after all. `You always hurt the one you love'. Yes, Mark hurt him, but perhaps with that hurt came love. Could it be possible?
"Bullshit!" Dom snarled.
"He's a sick fucking bastard who gets off on controlling you! All you did was love him beyond the call of duty. The cunt doesn't deserve you, especially not your fucking sympathy. For fuck's sake Orlando, you did everything you could. Please tell me how you failed him, because I sure as hell can't!" he yelled.
Normally he didn't swear that much, but God damn it! How could Orli even think of blaming himself for this? And for sympathy, forget it! Dom would never forgive Mark for what he’d done, and he sure as hell wouldn’t forget either. If only he could get Orli to ring the police that would be something.
The bastard deserved to rot in the seven circles of hell for his crimes, but failing that a nice cold jail cell would satisfy Dom for now. Hell, maybe Mark would even be on the receiving end of his own treatment. After all, prisons didn’t exactly maintain a…sterling reputation, did they? Mark would make a great bitch for someone. He knew he should be ashamed of his thoughts, he had never wished a person harm, but right then, he didn’t care. If Mark had been in front of him, he could have shot the man with no remorse and that terrified him. He was glad Mark wasn’t here
"Look, sorry Orli, I'm not mad at you, no one is. We'll sort this out, I promise. Lij is waiting for us. Think you can manage some pizza with two hobbits?" he grinned. For the first time, Orlando smiled. It might have been small and slightly uncertain, but it was there. As far as Dom was concerned, that right there was worthy of a celebration.
"Thanks Dommie," he said as he bent down to tune the radio, a lingering sadness still hovering about him. So much went unsaid in those two words, both knew it was more than a simple thank you. Dom felt more encouraged.
They had a long way to go yet. It would take a long time for Orli to recover, but now they had a chance, a real one, to help Orli mend, and he'd be there for his friend every step of the way. Both he and Lij would.
"No worries Orli. That's what friends are for, mate," Dom smiled. Orlando laughed and Dom felt himself chuckle as well.
*** end flashback ***
"So why ..." began Viggo, gazing at Orlando's battered form. Dom shook his head. Viggo really didn't understand.
"Mark forced him back," Dom sighed. "He knew Orlando wouldn't go back willingly. He still had enough self-respect not to do that. Besides, he knew me or Lij would kill him if came anywhere near our house. So he used a little ... leverage. Us." At that, Viggo's brow knitted in confusion.
"Hang on. Mark abuses Orlando, so he leaves-"
"He wouldn't leave at first, he wanted to try and get Mark help," Dom snorted, disgust clear in his voice. How Orlando thought that someone like Mark could ever be helped was beyond him.
"You have no idea how long it took me and Lij to get Orlando to leave. Every time I saw Orli, he had more bruises or cuts, and every time he refused to leave. I took him to Elijah's and told Lij not to leave Orli on his own, no matter what. I wanted to call the police but Orlando refused. He was too embarrassed, said no one would believe him, and since there was no restraining order, there was nothing to stop Mark from coming round here, which he did." Viggo said nothing but he felt his blood boiling, remembering Dr. McCoy's words before. He definitely did not like the way this was going.
"He knew that Orli would be round at one of our places. He ... he thought Orlando was sleeping with us," Dominic laughed caustically. It was a hollow laugh, with no humour, no warmth. It chilled Viggo.
"I was so stupid. I should've taken Orlando somewhere else, anywhere else. You'd think I'd realise it would be the first place he'd come, but at the time I just wanted to get Orlando away. I didn't think." Dom sounded angry with himself. Something that Viggo found he could identify with over the last few hours.
"Look, you were just trying to help, don't beat yourself up over it," Viggo sighed, and then cringed at his choice of words. Considering he was a poet, there were times that he could be so dumb when it came to using them.
"I mean, you did what you thought was best at the time. End of story. You got Orlando away from Mark, which sounds like a Herculean task in itself. You were there for Orlando, don't forget that. You can't take into account everyone's actions and thoughts. There's always going to be unforeseen circumstances-"
"But I should've seen that one coming! It was so obvious."
"Most things are, in hindsight," Viggo said gently. "God, the amount of stuff I'd change if I had the chance. At least you had Orlando's well-being at heart; you took the only viable option. I doubt Orlando had anywhere else to go at that time."
"He said he was going to go back to England. He really meant it, I think. I really thought things would get better. Mark couldn't follow him to England, but he didn't need to. He used his best weapon against Orlando, his love. He threatened Elijah, me, anyone he could think of. His idea was that Orlando would do anything to keep us safe-"
"Even go back to him," Viggo finished. Shaking his head, he clenched his fist, resisting the urge to punch the wall. "And guess what? It worked. Orlando went back to Mark and the beatings started again. He refused to leave again - didn't want us getting hurt." There was silence between the two men. Viggo's mind began to reel. How long had Mark kept this enforced relationship with Orlando? Dom went to sit down by Orlando.
"Fuck! He stayed with Mark because of me! Me and Elijah, we were supposed to protect him ... he's our friend. I should've known something like this would happen. He was dead already. I suppose he thought killing his body wouldn't make a difference, since he'd already died inside. Perhaps it was an act of rebellion against Mark?" he asked looking up at Viggo, his eyes pleading.
"Maybe it was Orlando's way of fighting Mark," Viggo offered as he moved over to Dom, pausing for a moment. He wanted to offer Dominic comfort but he wasn't sure how, or even if it would be welcome. He settled for putting a hand on Dominic's shoulder. It wasn't shrugged off. For a long while the only sounds in the room were the quiet beeps and whirls of the breathing equipment.
"I called you because I know Orlando needs you. He still loves you Viggo, and you love him. He needs you to recover." The admission was greeted with silence at first, as Viggo processed the words and the truth that surrounded them.
"I'll stay here, as long as Orlando needs me. I ... I'm here if either of you need me," he added, slightly more quiet. He doubted Dom would be willing to accept his offer. He felt he had used up all his credit in Dom's eyes and was only putting up with him for Orlando's sake.
"Thank you," Dom said quietly, which surprised Viggo, but he said nothing at the moment.
"Thank you for coming, for just being here. I know how much it hurts you. I've been really harsh with you and I'm sorry. You don't deserve that, you didn't put Orlando here. I'm just so scared. Scared that even if Orlando wakes up we'll still have lost him," Dom admitted. "What if he's never the same again?"
"He can't be the same, Dom. Not after this, nor can we. Everything's changed. We just have to be there for Orlando, let him know we still love him, no matter what." There was a pause for a moment.
"I can do that," Dom declared.
"Things will get better, Dom. I'm not leaving, not now. I've run away too many times."
"Time to seize your destiny, oh King of Men?" Dom grinned. Viggo smiled at that. He missed Dom's humour.
"Something like that," he answered honestly. He'd ask Dom about the injuries later.
"I…I'm glad you're here Viggo. We both are," Dom sighed quietly. He knew how much the events had taken their toll on Elijah and Dom himself was tired. He needed someone else to help, someone he could confine his fears in. He needed reassurance that Orlando was going to be alright, even if it was a lie. For the first time since Viggo had arrived, he was truly glad of his company.
"Hey, Vigs?" Dom asked, realizing it'd been the first time since his arrival that he'd used Viggo's Orli-inspired nickname. It felt good. Viggo smiled slightly. Orlando had always called him that, knowing how much it irritated him but a flash of that charming smile had melted that... Orlando had been able to get away with a lot with that smile...Dom grinned back, for a brief second everything was right.
"Think you can get Beanie and Eric to help us dismember Mark?" Us? Was Dom including Viggo in that? The smile on Dom's face confirmed it.
"That, you can count on," Viggo said, and he meant every word. And from the look on Dom's face, so did he.
Author: Imogen
Disclaimer: I don't know these men - or women. It's complete fiction, no money made
Pairing: VigOrli, Orlando/OC. Possibly others later, not sure yet.
Summary: Abuse wreaks everyone's lives. Who picks up the pieces?
Warnings: referance to domestic abuse, rape, attempted suicide and violence. It's not as depressing as it sounds but I'm aiming for realistic portrayals.
Feedback: Oh yes!!!! Please!!
Archive: sure just let me know where.
beta: the amazing Littlegreenleaf. Love you!
FYI: 'mea culpa' is latin and is used in Catholic prayers of confession. Translated it means "my fault", or "my own fault". In order to emphasize the message, the adjective "maxima" may be inserted, resulting in "mea maxima culpa," which would translate as "my most [grievous] fault." Also sharpes_hussy has pointed out "it also it is also used in the Latin rite mass during the offertory as a plea to God to forgive sin in preparation for communion". So thanks for that extra bit of info!
Also thank you to everyone who's given reviews and feedback, it's really helpful
***~~~***
The party had been winding down for some time now. Despite Viggo’s initial reservations, he was glad Orlando had persuaded him to invite everyone round. Everyone seemed to have had a good time. Sean and Miranda having left a while ago, and Beanie along with Karl, Liv and Craig having just taken off. As usual there were some stranglers, and three hobbits, an elf, a ranger and a wizard that still lingered.
Orlando was resting against Viggo's chest, clearly dozing off, while Ian was quietly chatting with Viggo. Elijah was leaning against Dom under the pretext of `manly companionship'. Billy seemed to find this highly amusing and even more so when Dom gave him an `evil eye'. Viggo unconsciously ran his hands through Orlando's hair, careful not to wake him. "You really love him," smiled Ian. It wasn't a question.
"More than I thought possible," whispered Viggo as he placed a gentle kiss on Orlando's forehead.
“It’s about fucking time!”
"Why thank you, Elijah. Glad to know we have your blessing, but shut the fuck up. The Elf's tired," Viggo whispered. Ian grinned at Elijah; the young man did have a point. They did make a rather striking couple, polar opposites that were perfectly aligned.
There was no doubt of Orlando's love for Viggo; that had been rather obvious since the latter had arrived. True, it had begun as admiration, a touch of hero-worship, maybe even awe, but it quickly changed as Orlando got to know Viggo, the man behind the actor, seeing him as flesh and blood rather than some mythical god-like figure. As soon as he’d seen Viggo as human, there had been no hope for Orlando.
Bets had been placed among several members of the cast as to who would make the first move. Orlando was infatuated but clearly shy while Viggo was trying desperately to reign in his emotions. It had been an interesting first few months on set to say the least. Indeed Billy and Dom had claimed it was the best romantic comedy film they had ever seen. Luckily, Viggo didn't hear them.
Ian had watched as Viggo had quickly become infatuated with Orlando and his struggle to make his feelings go unnoticed, but Ian was nothing if not observant. He remembered how nervous Viggo had looked when the two had hesitantly confessed their relationship to the cast. Everyone adored Orlando; the boy was made to be loved. And Viggo… it was hard to not admire the man. To Ian’s why of thinking, if people could put up with an old queen like him on set, they should have no problems with two incredibly handsome men together.
Now that was a truly beautiful image. Light and dark, a beautiful contrast. He remembered how at first Viggo and Orlando had attempted to disguise their new-found love, which proved a futile task. Anyone who’d been in love knew the looks. He remembered watching the little touches, smiles and jokes both on and off set; yes, it was building up into a very beautiful love story and Ian couldn't be happier for his friends. Ian told Viggo that they reminded him of Romeo and Juliet.
"Gee thanks Ian. All we need now is to be sworn enemies and kill ourselves, not to mention taking down half dozen others with us in the process. How terribly romantic," Viggo dead-paned. Ian chuckled slightly.
"My dear boy, are you forgetting the depths of passion and despair they went through for each other? What is that if not true love? To die for love is no small feat. I've seen you together; rarely have I seen two people so committed to each other as you are. I have no doubt that you would give up your lives for each other, or go to extreme lengths to protect each other. That's a rare thing, very similar to a pair of star crossed lovers, if I recall."
"They didn't exactly have a happy ending Ian," Viggo sighed slightly.
For some reason, he occasionally became terrified that he would lose Orlando, in some way. Things were too good, too perfect. Surely happiness, or love like this, wasn't meant to last.
"Not every love story ends in tragedy, Viggo. Most of the great ones end in tragedy caused by forces outside their control. It was never their love that was the problem; it was other's interpretations of that love. Surely, you as an artist, can appreciate that?" he smiled gently.
The long forgotten memory temporarily jarred Viggo...an eternal love, yeah right, sorry Ian, that only exists in Hollywood. There would be no turning back the clock or possibly even second chances with this, if Orlando couldn’t, or wouldn’t hang on.
Shaking his head, trying to rid himself of the clawing thoughts while taking a deep breath, Viggo walked into Orlando's hospital room. Dominic was still there, his eyelids drooping. He wasn't sure where Elijah was, probably having a cigarette. The way the kid was going, he'd end up with lung cancer by the age of thirty, which considering it was only two years away chilled him. He frowned at the morbid thought, suddenly craving a cigarette himself, just one, or several, to help him and take his mind of the grim reality. Orlando had helped him give up cigarettes years ago, but he'd slipped up in moments of weakness. He seemed to have a lot of those recently.
Besides, who was he to criticize Elijah? There was no way he could be dismissed as `a kid' any longer- not after what he'd gone through, what he'd seen and had to deal with. Maybe he'd gone home. He hoped so but had to admit it was unlikely. Elijah undoubtedly would stay until Orlando woke up, or at least something changed ... either way.
Viggo couldn't help but be amazed and awed by the friend's dedication. He wondered what the rest of the Fellowship would do when they heard the news. Viggo hadn't phoned anyone yet, and he knew he would put it off for as long as possible. How do you tell someone that his or her friend has been abused for several years now and subsequently tried to kill himself as a means of escape?
That wasn't even taking into account Sonia and Samantha Bloom. They probably had no idea what was going on and that made Viggo feel really low. He knew he'd never forgive someone if they didn't tell him something was wrong with Henry.
They, more than anyone, had a right to know. But they'd also be the hardest to tell. Viggo didn't really know the Bloom women. Orlando had never gotten around to introducing them properly before they'd broken up. How would it look for Orlando's ex, who hadn’t been in contact with Orlando for years, to suddenly ring up and inform them Orlando had been trapped in an abusive relationship for four years and just tried to kill himself and because of said ex, his heart had been irreparably shattered? What a wonderful introduction. No, he didn't think he could face that yet. Not right now. Probably not ever, in truth. Yep, Viggo `the spineless coward’ Mortensen, at your service. Walking over to Dom, Viggo nudged him gently, tying to rouse the younger man.
He and Dom hadn't really had a proper conversation since he arrived. Viggo swallowed his nerves. He was a grown man, for God sake, with a severely hurt ex-lover… friend and he had to clear the air with Dominic ... and Elijah too, if need be. There couldn't be any uneasiness between them, for everyone's sake. Dom and Elijah could still be angry with him - that he could deal with – but first he had to open up the lines of communication.
He shook Dom gently, not wanting to scare him. Dom moaned slightly, clearly not happy about being woken up, but after reluctantly cracking an eye open and seeing Viggo, Dom quickly found himself waking up fully. Neither said anything while Dom stretched, trying to work out all the kinks that had accumulated in his body from napping in a hospital chair.
"Where's Elijah?" Viggo asked at last, breaking the silence. Easy question to start off with.
"Hmm? Oh, fag time," Dom mumbled, and then found himself embarrassed by the connotations of the sentence. "Cigarette, I mean," he added hastily. For the first time in what seemed an age, Viggo felt a smile hover on his lips, but it soon faded. There wasn't really much to smile about. The reason was lying unconscious between them.
"I sent him out for some fresh air and to clear his head. What did the doc tell you?" Dom asked as he lifted himself out of the chair that seemed to have moulded to his shape. Viggo paused for a second, wondering if he should he mention what Dr. McCoy had said. Could Dom handle it, but more to the point, could he? To tell Dom would be to admit those acts had taken place. While it was stored in his head, it somehow seemed less real, less frightening. The doc said she wasn't sure how much Dom could take and he had little doubt she was right.
The lack of sleep and sheer worry was evidently taking its toll on Dominic, and Elijah. This would destroy them, of that he was certain. While Viggo internally debated the issue, Dominic looked carefully at the older man. He was hiding something. Something had definitely happened in the doctor's room. Just how far had the doc gone with details? How much detail did they need?
Viggo felt like he’d aged considerably since he came out of that room, and now Dominic was feeling bad. He felt sick from lack of food and sleep, sick from the worry and terror he'd been through, sick for himself, his friend and Orlando. Maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh with Viggo.
Yes, it was Viggo who broke Orlando's heart, but he couldn't control Mark's actions. He didn't know that Orlando still loved him, and in all honesty, Viggo couldn't control that either. Viggo had been foolish, cowardly and to a degree, selfish, but he'd also had Orlando's welfare genuinely in mind. He'd never hurt Orlando when they were together. He never controlled Orlando.
It was Mark who'd done all of that; Viggo was just a viable target for Dom to channel his anger. Mark wasn't here so Viggo had to take the brunt of Dominic's rage, and he knew that was wrong. His anger was directed at the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
"Dominic," Viggo began, and then paused. Oh. Viggo had used his full name. That almost hurt. It had been so long since they’d spoken. Dominic was tired. He wanted to have Viggo as a friend again, to use their stupid nicknames and forget that Mark ever existed. He still held anger towards Viggo, futile though it was, yet the anger had diminished over the years due to Mark, but now resurfaced upon seeing his estranged friend.
He wanted to blame Viggo for Orlando’s abuse. If Orlando hadn’t still loved Viggo, this never would have happened. Of course, such thoughts were ludicrous and didn’t lead anywhere, but he needed someone to blame. He had to have a target to vent his anger, or he felt he would explode. Slowly, Dom looked up at him. The older man looked lost as his gaze moved to Orlando for a moment as if his reason for living had been destroyed, which in some ways, Dom reasoned, it had been.
"I ... I need to ask you something, and you have to be honest." That annoyed Dom.
"Oh, you want to talk about honesty? That’s rich coming from you! I'm not the one who lied to Orlando, pretending the break up was for his own good, pretending I didn't want to see Orlando, pretending that Orlando couldn't cope with the outside world. Orlando isn't a child Viggo. He hasn't been for a long time. He was young when you guys were together, yes, but even then he wasn't a child. He was an adult. He knew his mind-"
"Look, I didn't come here to fight, I came because I was asked. I was wrong, stupid, cruel ... call me whatever you want. I deserve that. But I know I can’t change it, no matter how much I want to, and I wish to God I could. No amount of wishing will change that."
Dom growled sarcastically. He didn’t want to hear Viggo trying to justify leaving Orlando. He’d heard the reasons before, and they were old. As far as he was concerned, there was no way Viggo could ever justify that, for ripping Orlando's heart out. But he also knew that Viggo was trying. He wasn’t running away, Dom had to give him credit for that at least.
"I was scared, ok? Scared shitless. Orlando was young and going to be a star. Everyone wanted him ... he was getting so many offers. I keeping thinking he might meet someone ... younger, or I don't know ..., I couldn’t bare to lose Orlando like that. I didn't want to go through that, nor did I want the whole `gay bashing' thing if we came out, I didn’t want to deal with it, I didn’t want to face the petty mindedness some people can carry. It would have affected Orli and Henry, no matter what they said. It would have hurt them, Orlando always looked for the good in people, I didn’t want him to loose that. I didn't want to be responsible for stopping his career before it took off. So yeah, I was dishonest; I was cowardly because I couldn't see any other way to stop myself or Orli from being hurt," Viggo admitted quietly.
Dom didn't say anything, but nodded in acceptance. He knew that must have been hard for Viggo to say and he appreciated it.
"Look, I've been giving you a hard time, I'm aware of that. I'm angry with everyone, including myself. I know I shouldn’t blame you for Orlando's abuse. You can't control how Mark thinks, or how Orlando feels, and I accept that. I hate that you walked away from him; that you didn’t fight for what you had, I hate that you caused Orlando so much hurt and made him feel unloved, I hate that you felt forced into doing that. I hate that I didn't stop things sooner ... that I didn't get Orlando away.
“I'm his best friend; I promised I'd always look out for him, just like he’d look out for one of us. I'm angry with Orlando for giving up, for not doing ... something ... to stop Mark. I want to rip Mark's heart out with my bare hands. I ... don't think I've ever truly hated anyone before, Viggo. But I hate Mark; I hate him with every fibre of my being. I know I could kill him right now, and never regret it for the rest of my life," Dominic whispered, looking up at Viggo for a moment.
It was close to how Viggo was feeling. Undoubtedly, Dominic and Elijah carried their own guilt, however unreasonable it was, for `failing' to protect their friend. His heart ached for the younger man before him. God how Viggo could relate to Dom’s feelings, the guilt and anger were swimming inside him. Dom was right, at that moment he too could murder and feel no remorse, but he choked the feelings down.
No matter how much he abhorred the man, how much he wished for his suffering, he could let these thoughts consume him. He couldn’t afford to loose focus here, Orlando was the only thing that mattered right now and he had to keep reminding himself of it. "Dom ... what happened, with Mark. I have to know everything, please," Viggo whispered, looking imploringly at him. He had to know how much they knew, silently praying they already knew, that he wouldn’t have to tell them.
"I don't know when it started exactly, things just crept up. Elijah noticed earlier, he never liked Mark so I thought it was just Elijah being unfair to Mark. But I noticed things changed after the reunion party. It was slow, really slow, but Orli was withdrawn and tired a lot. I thought he was working too hard, just the usual stuff. No one, apart from Lij, seemed to think anything was wrong at that point. Mark wanted him to stop acting. I thought he was worried about Orlando’s health, but then he started getting annoyed around Orli’s co-stars; he got jealous when Orli made friends with them. It was weird…he could just about handle the girls, like Liv and Kirsten didn’t bother him too much. He didn’t like Orlando around them but he tolerated it. I actually think he almost liked Keira, but it was really the guys, any guys. It used to drive Mark crazy whenever Orlando even hugged someone. Orlando was affectionate, yes, but he wasn’t a player or anything. Despite his age and free, loving personality, Orlando had surprisingly strong views on monogamy.
He got really pissed off around Johnny-the way they hugged each other and stuff. Along with Beanie and Eric, those were the three that really pissed Mark off because they’d all worked with Orli more than once…I think, or maybe he thought they fancied Orli or something, God knows what went through his head. At first it was just those three, but he started just hating all of Orli’s co-stars. First there was us guys, then Heath, Ewan, Brad. After that it was Liam, Ed Norton, ... the list was just fucking endless… they all came under his firing line too - never mind that they’re all straight; he really saw them as a threat," Dom snorted, shaking his head.
"When did Orlando tell you? About the abuse?"
"...He didn't. I just ... knew something was wrong, I can't even remember when I realized it, I just remember seeing Orli in the bedroom one day. He had a massive black eye and was trying to cover it up. Then I noticed all the long sleeves, the sunglasses, the no-going-out.... It didn't take a genius to work it out once it slapped me in the face, so to speak. I couldn't believe it, that he'd kept it from us. God, I felt betrayed in some way, hurt that he wouldn't, or couldn't tell us – I was really hurt. God, I was almost angry at Lij for seeing what I couldn’t. When I asked him, Orli wouldn't talk about it, pretended everything was fine ... a stunt accident or something like that. I believed him at first, he seemed OK. Then more bruises came, sometimes cuts, and these weren't just small bruises and scrapes, they were nasty fuckers. But he kept saying they were on-set accidents, tripping over things - his clumsiness, always his fault. Same excuse every time; it began to really piss me off but I couldn't do anything. He wouldn't let me. When Elijah's filming wrapped, he called Orlando and immediately knew something was wrong. It took him all of three hours to discover what it was," Dom paused, his gaze drifting back to Orlando.
"I've never seen Lij so mad. I didn't think he could get really angry, y'know? Everyone always thinks he’s so sweet and cute but then ... I was really scared of him, and for him, scared of what he'd do. Christ, Lij wanted to kill Mark, I mean really kill him and he looked like he'd do it ... like he'd do it and not care. And that's what scared me. He was going to go right over and do it without a second's thought...God the number of times I wanted to do that myself. I’d kill him now if I could, I swear I would...I tried to reason with him but he was just...he didn't listen, said I wasn't Orlando's friend if I stopped him. But Orlando stopped him. He just grabbed his arm and pleaded with him to stay. He ... he didn't want Mark hurt!" Dom bit out, his eyes clouding over. His mouth took on a bitter smirk and he looked up at Orlando and then to Viggo.
He shouldn't be surprised. That was Orlando; he never wanted anyone hurt, even the bastard that had hurt him so badly. Was that why he didn't fight back? "He ... he just wouldn't talk about it, clammed up or changed the subject. I just remember him looking so ... haunted, so lost. He was being destroyed and I couldn't stand that."
"It wasn't your fault, Dom. You couldn't make Orlando leave, short of kidnapping him," Viggo said, his voice gentle and soothing. Dom shook his head vigorously.
"He did leave once," Dom sighed, as he looked at Viggo for a moment. "I practically forced him to. I was so scared that he'd end up dead," he admitted, as his mind drifted back to that day.
*** flashback ***
Dom stood with his arms folded, a scowl marring his usually cheerful face. He hadn't smiled much recently. Orlando didn't look at him, as he busied himself tidying the room. "You've got to leave. I can’t keep doing this I don’t want to pick up the pieces when this is all over. I can’t take it any more Orlando" he said, a harsh note in his voice. Orlando didn't look up or give any sign he'd heard, but Dom knew he had, he knew Orlando listened, Mark had made sure Orlando knew how important listening was.
He knew the bruises were there, no matter if Orlando hid his face or not, he knew there were probably worse injuries hidden by the jumpers. Even the well-placed blots of concealer couldn’t hide the injuries because Dom always knew where to look, Orlando couldn’t hide from him no matter how hard he tried. That's all Orlando did nowadays ... hide. It was frustrating to say the least; all Dom wanted to do was help, but for every wall Dom managed to partially knock down, there was another barrier immediately springing up; another fake smile masking the all too obvious sadness and the pain. Nothing changed.
Sighing he tried again. "He did it again, didn't he." It wasn't a question and both knew the answer.
"Where was it? The jaw, a rib, your back? Did he kick you this time instead? Got to have variety haven’t we? I’d hate to think things got boring for Mark, but then it doesn't really matter does it? As long as he hits you, he's happy and you just fucking take it! You can’t even admit to me or Lij what’s happening. We know Orlando, OK? WE KNOW – we’ve seen the bruises, the cuts, the fucking boot imprints...so stop acting like it’s nothing! Why do you keep hiding, keep pretending?? Why can't you accept what's happening? Fuck, Orlando, he's abusing you, he has been for years! Why the fuck won't you leave?!"
"He doesn't mean to," Orlando sighed, not looking up. "He gets so angry he just can't control himself. You don’t understand…" the voice was quiet, almost accepting of his treatment.
While part of Dom’s heart cried for his friend’s pain, he felt another swell of anger rise up. For a moment, Dom didn’t recognise the person in front of him. He was a stranger. This wasn’t his friend, not the Orlando he knew. Orlando had never given up, not when he broke his back or when Viggo left him, or even when he came out. He kept fighting. Why wouldn’t he fight now? What had changed?
"Oh, how sad, poor Mark. Forgive me if my heart's made of stone. He never means to, does he Orli? He never means to punch you in the gut, or slam your head against a wall. I'm sure it's an accident when he kicks you – oops, his foot slipped. He's a grown man; he should control himself," Dom said, his voice harsh and unforgiving. He had no sympathy for Mark. No one deserved to be hit, no matter what.
"I've seen what he does to you; don't you dare tell me it was a mistake, or that he loves you. If he loved you, he’d get counselling or stay away. Look at everything he does to you! He controls everything in your life, tells you who to talk to, how to dress, accuses you of sleeping with every man on God’s green earth, and then when he's bored, he kicks the crap out of you because something pisses him off. Well, I'm pissed off now, maybe I should take out my frustration on Mark, think he'd like that?"
"He doesn't...it's not like that" Orlando could meet Dom's eyes when he spoke, but his shouldered shuddered as if he was about to cry. Dom fought every instinct to cradle his friend
"It's exactly like that. You're my friend and I’m not going to let this carry on. I want to keep you safe but I can't do anything if you don't admit what's going on, you have to let me help you. That’s all I want, just let me in" Dom pleaded his voice softening, looking at Orlando, desperation clear in his eyes, he didn’t know how many more chances he’d get at this, he could feel Orlando slipping away each time and he was terrified if he didn’t help Orlando now, there wouldn’t be a next time... He was tidying the bedside table; no doubt that was something else Mark could punch him for. Not that he even needed an excuse these days.
Dominic ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. This wasn't working; he needed a response, or some sign of recognition from Orlando. He needed to see he was getting through. "How much longer is this gonna go on, huh? How often am I going to have this same conversation with you, why the hell won’t you TALK to me?? What will it take? Maybe a shattered skull, or a coma - would that change you’re mind? Oh I know, how about your funeral?" he growled, fury welling up inside him.
"Have any preferences on funeral arrangements – flowers, music? Because that's how this whole thing's going to end, Orlando. You dead in a box. and Mark ... well, one day Mark could be lying gutted in a ditch somewhere, and I doubt anyone will mourn him. That’ll be it, you’ll be dead and we’ll all be there hating ourselves because you wouldn’t listen, and it’ll be too late, because one day he’ll step over the line Orlando, and we won’t be here to stop him because you pushed us all away. I hate Mark, I hate him for what he’s done to you – what he’s still doing, but for the love of God Orlando, stop pretending everything’s OK! It’s going to kill you. People love you Orli, we all care about you; just let us help you please ... please."
Orlando stiffened for a moment and Dom was hopeful, maybe he'd managed to reach Orlando, but after a pause he continued his tidying, albeit slower than before. This was impossible; nothing he said would make a difference. He'd become a zombie and that scared Dom more than anything.
Had Orlando truly given up? Did he think he was that worthless, that he didn't deserve saving? If only he could get a spark of anger ... something, anything ... from Orlando. Couldn't he see this was killing him, that Mark was killing him slowly? Orlando would shake his head, try to smile, convince the world there was nothing wrong, but the press had picked up on something.
Gossip columns had talked of Orlando, their own ‘golden boy’ being `over worked' which caused his `tired, drawn appearance'. One had even suggested Orlando was bulimic, Dom had thrown the papers away in disgust.
"Orlando ... I ... I'm worried. I don't want to lose you, I’m scared…I…I can’t keep doing this Orlando, it’s getting too much " Dom whispered, a note of desperation in his voice, seemingly not noticing the tears that were gathering in his eyes. How far were things going to go before they all cracked?
To his relief, Orlando stopped his mechanical tidying. He slowly turned to Dom, tears in his eyes. God, he hated to see his friend so upset, but tears were good, even better than that smile. He didn't even try to smile at Dom as he slowly sat down on the bed. "I can't leave," he whispered.
"He needs me Dommie. He’s sick, I’ve got to stay."
Yeah, no shit ... sick in the head, Dom thought to himself. Tears began to roll down Orlando's cheeks and the bruised jaw was more prominent than ever. The cut above his eye would need some a good few stitches as well. Drawing his knees up to his chest, Orlando finally allowed the tears to fall. He hated hurting his friends so much - that's why he didn't look up anymore, why he tried not to answer them. He didn't want to see the anger and sorrow in their faces, didn't want to know he was causing their worry.
He was so selfish; Mark was his boyfriend, his problem. He should deal with it, not drag his friends into the sorry mess his life had become. They didn't need the worry or hassle. He hated himself for being so weak, so vulnerable. He tried not to cry anymore. It never did him any good. It wouldn't stop the pain he felt, or Mark's anger, in fact, it'd make matters worse. Mark hated it when he cried, it made him mad.
Dominic immediately went onto the bed and gathered Orlando in his arms as he began to gently rock him. Neither spoke for a while as Orlando cried quietly, all the fear pouring out of him as Dominic stroked Orlando's head gently. He couldn't be angry with Orlando, not really. How could he when Orlando was suffering so much? Frustration was the word.
He didn't understand why Orlando stayed; it couldn't be love, surely? There was no way this was love, not on Mark's part ... not proper love.
So why was Mark so terribly possessive? Even as he asked the question, he knew. It always came back to the same reason. Viggo. Ever since that reunion party, things had been tense between Mark and Orlando.
Of course Viggo had been there, he was part of the cast, but Orlando had kept his distance. Even Dominic had noticed that. He didn't blame Orlando; he didn't want to imagine how hard it must've been for Orlando to be confronted with Viggo again. Mark had been like thunder after that and had taken Orlando home early. Was that when he started hitting Orlando? Dom felt sick. Someone had made a joke that Orlando was definitely going to get lucky tonight; he hadn't seen Viggo's face, but Dom had been worried. By now Orlando's sobs had stopped and he was simply curled up to Dom, barely moving.
"Orli? You've got to leave," Dom whispered, threading his figures through Orlando's unruly curls. It wasn't a romantic gesture, it was solely comfort. Despite their easy, affectionate manner, there was no romance in their relationship. Similar to Elijah, their relationship was a bond like a cross between friends, brothers and confidents. It would never be romantic love and people seemed to find that hard to believe. So did Mark, it seemed. He'd accused Orlando of cheating on him with both Elijah and Dom. By this time though, Mark had already accused him of sleeping with several co-stars, especially Johnny, who Mark had developed an intense dislike for.
Of course, this was based solely on Orlando's friendship with him. He didn't like Johnny's compliments of Orlando, or them laughing together. He certainly didn't like them hugging. He also seemed to overlook the fact that Johnny was happily married with two kids. Fortunately, Johnny had shrugged off Mark's behaviour, at least in public. Privately it quickly became clear to Dom that Johnny was definitely apprehensive about Mark. It had been obvious that the feeling was mutual from the way Johnny had glared and hovered rather protectively over Orlando each time Mark visited the sets. He'd warned Dom and Elijah to keep an eye on him. Johnny, it seemed, had met people like Mark before. But by then Orlando had ceased to correct Mark over his supposed 'affairs', saying Mark wouldn't believe him anyway. It pained Dom to see Orlando so beaten, in both senses of the word. He waited for a response, a sign that Orlando had heard him.
"I know," he whispered, pulling back from Dom slightly.
That was unexpected, to say the least. Orlando had never admitted his abuse, he never talked about it. Dom's heart soared. Would Orlando let himself be helped? Orlando looked up at Dom for a moment and beneath the tear stained, tired face he saw his friend, and Dom wanted to cry himself. It'd been so long since he'd seen any glimpse of his friend. He was beginning to think Orlando would be forever lost. "I ... I ... I'm scared, Dominic. I want Mark to get better. I just keep thinking, if he can get help then things will get better ... he ... he'll stop and realise what's going on." Orlando paused for a moment.
"But it's not going to happen, I've tried so hard. I love him but ... he won't listen. He thinks I'm cheating on him again. I'm sick of pretending, of fighting. I just want it to stop. Everything hurts so much." Tears began to fill his eyes again, but he brushed them away.
"Just ... let me get you out of here Orlando, please. We can figure everything else out later. But right now, we need to leave," Dom begged, getting off the bed. He wasn't sure when Mark would be back and he wanted Orlando long gone before that happened. Orlando nodded, not speaking. Without speaking, Orlando took a bag from the wardrobe and quickly threw some clothes in it, not really paying much attention to what he was taking. It didn't matter anyway, who would care? Reaching up on the top of the wardrobe, suddenly he stopped. "What's wrong?" Dom asked. He really didn't want to hang around, and he was beginning to feel anxious and wouldn't relax until he had Orli far away from this place.
"Viggo" he whispered.
Dom stopped dead. Oh God. Not now, please. Not when he was so close. They had to get out of here. Dom had no idea when Mark would be back and the desire to get out was over-powering. Orlando passed him a worn photo of himself and Viggo cuddled together, their faces beaming, love and happiness radiating from every pore. Dom felt his throat catch. Where had that come from? It must've been taken years ago, several creases making it look rather worn, the colour faded. Of course this is what had started the whole thing off ... Viggo.
Even now, Dom was amazed at how Viggo had gotten into Orlando's heart and stayed there. There was a time when Dominic would’ve understood that; the devotion a man like Viggo could inspire had been astonishing on the Rings set. Dom had loved Viggo then. He was someone to look up to. His love for Orlando had been so obvious to him, it was a wonder he hadn’t jumped Orlando on their first day together, and when it had finally happened, they had worked so well together. So why had the stupid man ruined it? He couldn’t fathom how Viggo could be so in love with Orlando to only let him go, to force him away. He just couldn’t understand it.
Orli never talked about Viggo anymore because it `upset' Mark. Of course Mark never considered it was painful for Orlando to talk about, no of course not, because Mark felt things mere mortals weren’t capable of. He had to be the most self-obsessed person Dominic had ever met. It was strange, to many Mark appeared confident, out-going...he got on well with people, so where did the paranoia, the innate anger come from? It was sickening to think that Dominic had actually once liked Mark, considered him ‘good’ for Orlando, that he proved a nice contrast to Viggo.
He’d never seemed to hold the artistic insecurities that Viggo had, never gone to lengths to conceal their relationship. If anything Mark had sought to display Orlando to the world. Dom had thought that was good at first. Everyone saw how Mark had made Orlando open up again.
It was difficult to pinpoint when things had noticeably changed. Orlando’s withdrawal had been so gradual, so carefully crafted by Mark they never noticed. People lost contact, conflicting schedules, photoshoots and globe trotting were all too easy. No wonder Mark had gained such control over Orlando. Everyone knew Orlando suffered from over-work. He’d push himself to the limits before he relaxed, so not seeing him for months at a time had not been unusual for the Fellowship. It was Elijah who noticed first, how Orlando’s eyes began to dim, a slow silence creeping over him, how the clothes slowly changed, bright colours locked away, hiding himself in swathes of dark shapeless fabrics. Elijah had noticed all of this.
He knew how much it hurt Orlando. He hadn't meant to cut them out of his life and even though he still kept in contact with them, it wasn't the same, and frankly it wasn't worth the grief Mark would give Orlando afterwards. They'd all been concerned over Orlando's appearance. He thought Ian definitely suspected something; he was sharp and knew what to look for, but hadn't said anything except to tell Dom to take care of him. Beanie had asked Dom outright what was wrong, but he'd just shrugged; what could he say? Orlando would only deny it. Of course, it didn't convince Beanie, but there wasn't much he could do. He briefly wondered if Beanie had told Viggo about Orlando. He wasn't sure whose idea it had been or who started it, but Viggo and Orlando didn't communicate anymore. Not since that party.
He was somewhat amazed that Mark had allowed Orlando `access' to the outside world. This really pissed Dominic off more than anything - the manic controlling. It was as if he viewed Orlando as his possession, his toy to mould into whatever he saw fit, and he would be punished if Orlando did not conform. He hated Orlando’s acting, his clothes, and his co-stars. He hated his friends, and he absolutely loathed anyone remotely connected with Viggo, or more specifically, anyone who liked Viggo.
When he'd read an interview where Viggo mentioned Orlando, he'd flown into such a rage that it had taken Orlando two hours to calm him down and convince him that he wasn't have a secret affair or plotting to get back with Viggo. He marvelled that Mark could be so blind, Viggo didn’t want Orlando. He’d made that painfully obvious and any sort of reunion between the two was out of the question, although that would be a million times more preferable than staying with Mark. ANYTHING would be preferable to this
His mind briefly turned to the media. How they were going to keep this secret was a worry; the last thing Orlando needed was the sodding Paparazzi hounding him. Usually Orlando managed to keep away when he had bruises, but on the rare occasions that the vultures did catch him out and about, he had pretended it had been a stunt gone wrong. It had worked at first, but some of the tabloids were already making speculations, some of which Dom didn't want to know about. No, scratch that. He didn't want to know about any of them.
As an actor, he was still as popular as ever, but Orlando had grown to cherish his privacy. He didn't court publicity, despite what Mark thought. To have proof of his abuse splashed across the tabloids, or even worse, in England where his mum and sister could read it, would tear Orlando apart. He'd figure something out with Elijah; do some recon or plan a diversion of some kind. "That's what love's supposed to be, right?" Orlando asked as he carried on packing, searching for various items.
"All smiles and hearts. What a lie," he muttered not looking up.
"Why does love hurt so much? I don't get it. Do I have a `hurt me' sticker on my forehead?" he whispered, pausing slightly. Dom didn't respond. What could he say? It was true after all. Both Viggo and Mark had severely hurt Orlando, although in very different ways. And Dom didn't understand either.
"I want you to stay with me or Lij for a bit. No arguments. I don't care which, OK? I just want you to be safe," Dom said, his voice authoritative. Orlando nodded as he grabbed his bag and took a last look in the mirror, cracking a wry smile.
"You think people will notice this?" he asked, motioning to his eye before he looked back at Dom.
"Yep. Which is why we're out of here," Dom said, as he navigated Orlando out the door to his car ... and to safety. Only then did Dom allow himself to breathe easily. "He'll know I've gone," Orlando whispered, looking back at the house.
"Maybe he could beat himself up instead, would make a nice change," muttered Dom. After all, who else would Mark have to target his anger at if Orli wasn't available? Dom didn't know and frankly didn't care. For all he cared, Mark could destroy the whole bloody place, hopefully killing himself in the process. Orlando was away from there and that was all that mattered. Right now their main focus was keeping Orlando safe and as far away from Mark as possible.
"Look, none of this was your fault Orli, ok?" Dom said, as they stopped at a traffic light. Orli didn't respond at first, he appeared lost in a world of his own. He hoped it was nicer than his current world, but then again, Mount Doom would have been a more pleasant environment. The room, the entire house, had taken on a sickening appearance to Dom.
When Boromir had described the air of Mordor as poison, he finally understood what was meant by that. He felt a knot in his stomach whenever he entered the house. Feelings of disgust, sympathy and anger welling up uncontrollably when he thought about Orlando’s imprisonment here. There was something about the way Mark branded things, Orlando, the entire house seemed to permeate Mark’s possessiveness. It was a sickening thought. It almost reeked of it.
Things had come to a head yesterday when Elijah had tried to persuade Orlando to visit him and Billy, who was up for the week in between shooting. Being able to read between the lines, Billy had known something was wrong, and his worry for his friend was palpable. It was only towards the end of the week that Orlando had caved into Elijah’s begging and had agreed to meet up with him and Billy. Obviously Mark had not approved as Orlando had suddenly declined, pleading a stomach bug a note of near fear in his voice.
Elijah had been more than a little pissed off at that, and against Billy’s entreats had dragged his fellow hobbit round to see Orlando and ‘shake some sense’ into him (although Elijah himself winced at the choice of words.) Upon arriving, they discovered Orlando, for once, alone, tear tracks visible down his face, several bruises on his too-thin wrists and one hell of a black eye that no amount of concealor would hide. His face was almost white, lip bleeding slightly from where Orlando had bitten too hard. To see their once vibrant friend sitting on the floor, shaking and trying desperately to wipe his tears away had terrified the two men.
Billy had been horrified at the state of his friend-all his worst fears confirmed and wrapping his desolate friend in his arms, pleaded with Orlando to come back with them, which Orlando had naturally declined, a look of over-whelming fear and misery on his face.
Elijah had finally lost patience and grabbed the phone to ring the police and forcibly remove Orlando if necessary. Then things had taken an ugly turn. Orlando had gotten mad, demanding Elijah to put down the phone, to the astonishment of both men, and warned Elijah if he wanted their friendship to remain, to stay the hell out of his relationships. Billy, knowing better than to force Orlando’s hand, had said his goodbyes to Orlando and dragged the fuming Elijah away.
When Dom had received a furious phone-call from Elijah consisting mainly consisting of, but not limited to: ‘fucking bastard…kill him…doesn’t deserve to live….sodding git…. rat-face arse-weasel and killing the bastard motherfuking cunt’ exasperated and not a little worried, he’d turned to Billy for a translation.
Billy had warned, with a note of obvious fear, that unless something was done, they would loose Orlando, one way or another. That chilled Dominic, and he decided drastic action had to be taken. This time he wouldn’t take no for an answer, Orlando was coming with him, willingly or not.
"Maybe it was ... maybe I didn't love him enough," Orli whispered, tears forming in his eyes again. Mark hated it when he cried. Mark hated him period; he told him often enough, but then Mark didn't leave him, he never abandoned him. He told Orlando he was weak, and maybe he was.
He'd never be strong, not really, regardless what others thought. He thought he could be happy with Mark. Sure he had a temper, but no one was perfect, right? Maybe Mark did love him, after all. `You always hurt the one you love'. Yes, Mark hurt him, but perhaps with that hurt came love. Could it be possible?
"Bullshit!" Dom snarled.
"He's a sick fucking bastard who gets off on controlling you! All you did was love him beyond the call of duty. The cunt doesn't deserve you, especially not your fucking sympathy. For fuck's sake Orlando, you did everything you could. Please tell me how you failed him, because I sure as hell can't!" he yelled.
Normally he didn't swear that much, but God damn it! How could Orli even think of blaming himself for this? And for sympathy, forget it! Dom would never forgive Mark for what he’d done, and he sure as hell wouldn’t forget either. If only he could get Orli to ring the police that would be something.
The bastard deserved to rot in the seven circles of hell for his crimes, but failing that a nice cold jail cell would satisfy Dom for now. Hell, maybe Mark would even be on the receiving end of his own treatment. After all, prisons didn’t exactly maintain a…sterling reputation, did they? Mark would make a great bitch for someone. He knew he should be ashamed of his thoughts, he had never wished a person harm, but right then, he didn’t care. If Mark had been in front of him, he could have shot the man with no remorse and that terrified him. He was glad Mark wasn’t here
"Look, sorry Orli, I'm not mad at you, no one is. We'll sort this out, I promise. Lij is waiting for us. Think you can manage some pizza with two hobbits?" he grinned. For the first time, Orlando smiled. It might have been small and slightly uncertain, but it was there. As far as Dom was concerned, that right there was worthy of a celebration.
"Thanks Dommie," he said as he bent down to tune the radio, a lingering sadness still hovering about him. So much went unsaid in those two words, both knew it was more than a simple thank you. Dom felt more encouraged.
They had a long way to go yet. It would take a long time for Orli to recover, but now they had a chance, a real one, to help Orli mend, and he'd be there for his friend every step of the way. Both he and Lij would.
"No worries Orli. That's what friends are for, mate," Dom smiled. Orlando laughed and Dom felt himself chuckle as well.
*** end flashback ***
"So why ..." began Viggo, gazing at Orlando's battered form. Dom shook his head. Viggo really didn't understand.
"Mark forced him back," Dom sighed. "He knew Orlando wouldn't go back willingly. He still had enough self-respect not to do that. Besides, he knew me or Lij would kill him if came anywhere near our house. So he used a little ... leverage. Us." At that, Viggo's brow knitted in confusion.
"Hang on. Mark abuses Orlando, so he leaves-"
"He wouldn't leave at first, he wanted to try and get Mark help," Dom snorted, disgust clear in his voice. How Orlando thought that someone like Mark could ever be helped was beyond him.
"You have no idea how long it took me and Lij to get Orlando to leave. Every time I saw Orli, he had more bruises or cuts, and every time he refused to leave. I took him to Elijah's and told Lij not to leave Orli on his own, no matter what. I wanted to call the police but Orlando refused. He was too embarrassed, said no one would believe him, and since there was no restraining order, there was nothing to stop Mark from coming round here, which he did." Viggo said nothing but he felt his blood boiling, remembering Dr. McCoy's words before. He definitely did not like the way this was going.
"He knew that Orli would be round at one of our places. He ... he thought Orlando was sleeping with us," Dominic laughed caustically. It was a hollow laugh, with no humour, no warmth. It chilled Viggo.
"I was so stupid. I should've taken Orlando somewhere else, anywhere else. You'd think I'd realise it would be the first place he'd come, but at the time I just wanted to get Orlando away. I didn't think." Dom sounded angry with himself. Something that Viggo found he could identify with over the last few hours.
"Look, you were just trying to help, don't beat yourself up over it," Viggo sighed, and then cringed at his choice of words. Considering he was a poet, there were times that he could be so dumb when it came to using them.
"I mean, you did what you thought was best at the time. End of story. You got Orlando away from Mark, which sounds like a Herculean task in itself. You were there for Orlando, don't forget that. You can't take into account everyone's actions and thoughts. There's always going to be unforeseen circumstances-"
"But I should've seen that one coming! It was so obvious."
"Most things are, in hindsight," Viggo said gently. "God, the amount of stuff I'd change if I had the chance. At least you had Orlando's well-being at heart; you took the only viable option. I doubt Orlando had anywhere else to go at that time."
"He said he was going to go back to England. He really meant it, I think. I really thought things would get better. Mark couldn't follow him to England, but he didn't need to. He used his best weapon against Orlando, his love. He threatened Elijah, me, anyone he could think of. His idea was that Orlando would do anything to keep us safe-"
"Even go back to him," Viggo finished. Shaking his head, he clenched his fist, resisting the urge to punch the wall. "And guess what? It worked. Orlando went back to Mark and the beatings started again. He refused to leave again - didn't want us getting hurt." There was silence between the two men. Viggo's mind began to reel. How long had Mark kept this enforced relationship with Orlando? Dom went to sit down by Orlando.
"Fuck! He stayed with Mark because of me! Me and Elijah, we were supposed to protect him ... he's our friend. I should've known something like this would happen. He was dead already. I suppose he thought killing his body wouldn't make a difference, since he'd already died inside. Perhaps it was an act of rebellion against Mark?" he asked looking up at Viggo, his eyes pleading.
"Maybe it was Orlando's way of fighting Mark," Viggo offered as he moved over to Dom, pausing for a moment. He wanted to offer Dominic comfort but he wasn't sure how, or even if it would be welcome. He settled for putting a hand on Dominic's shoulder. It wasn't shrugged off. For a long while the only sounds in the room were the quiet beeps and whirls of the breathing equipment.
"I called you because I know Orlando needs you. He still loves you Viggo, and you love him. He needs you to recover." The admission was greeted with silence at first, as Viggo processed the words and the truth that surrounded them.
"I'll stay here, as long as Orlando needs me. I ... I'm here if either of you need me," he added, slightly more quiet. He doubted Dom would be willing to accept his offer. He felt he had used up all his credit in Dom's eyes and was only putting up with him for Orlando's sake.
"Thank you," Dom said quietly, which surprised Viggo, but he said nothing at the moment.
"Thank you for coming, for just being here. I know how much it hurts you. I've been really harsh with you and I'm sorry. You don't deserve that, you didn't put Orlando here. I'm just so scared. Scared that even if Orlando wakes up we'll still have lost him," Dom admitted. "What if he's never the same again?"
"He can't be the same, Dom. Not after this, nor can we. Everything's changed. We just have to be there for Orlando, let him know we still love him, no matter what." There was a pause for a moment.
"I can do that," Dom declared.
"Things will get better, Dom. I'm not leaving, not now. I've run away too many times."
"Time to seize your destiny, oh King of Men?" Dom grinned. Viggo smiled at that. He missed Dom's humour.
"Something like that," he answered honestly. He'd ask Dom about the injuries later.
"I…I'm glad you're here Viggo. We both are," Dom sighed quietly. He knew how much the events had taken their toll on Elijah and Dom himself was tired. He needed someone else to help, someone he could confine his fears in. He needed reassurance that Orlando was going to be alright, even if it was a lie. For the first time since Viggo had arrived, he was truly glad of his company.
"Hey, Vigs?" Dom asked, realizing it'd been the first time since his arrival that he'd used Viggo's Orli-inspired nickname. It felt good. Viggo smiled slightly. Orlando had always called him that, knowing how much it irritated him but a flash of that charming smile had melted that... Orlando had been able to get away with a lot with that smile...Dom grinned back, for a brief second everything was right.
"Think you can get Beanie and Eric to help us dismember Mark?" Us? Was Dom including Viggo in that? The smile on Dom's face confirmed it.
"That, you can count on," Viggo said, and he meant every word. And from the look on Dom's face, so did he.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-08-05 02:44 pm (UTC)Oh and a question...after attempting suicide, did Orlando actually die for a moment or did he just loose consciousness? Just wondering.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-05 03:23 pm (UTC)As to your question, Orlando lost consciousness and wasn't breathing but he wasn't clincally dead when Dom found him. Although if Dom had arrived a few minutes later, due to oxygen deprivation in his brain, he would've died.
Hope that helps!
no subject
Date: 2006-08-05 03:27 pm (UTC)