Mea Culpa 11/?

[imogen-lily.livejournal.com]

Well, wasn't this delightfully awkward? Orlando mentally sighed as he shifted uncomfortably on the bed. Viggo didn't look in a much better state, having examined his hands extensively for the past ten minutes while Orlando had found himself trying to bore a hole in the (admittedly disgusting) wallpaper, which currently the innocent floral pattern seemed to be morphing into demon-like creatures.

The heart-felt conversation they'd had twenty minutes ago seemed long forgotten. Viggo had promised to stay `come what may' (he never liked that movie, fairytale romances didn't sit well with him anymore, even the tragic ones) his voice so sincere that Orlando believed him. But what happened now, somehow devoted lovers vows didn't seem very appropriate in the circumstances and in all honesty, Orlando wasn't entirely sure he wanted that, he didn't know what he wanted. It was a strange sensation for him to be this lost, he'd always thought he had such a clear idea of who he was, where he was going and all of that was now gone, but for how long danced through his mind, Orlando shoved it back.

Mark belonged in the past; he was the past now, right? That's how the others were talking and he wished he could share that belief, after all Viggo had been his past two weeks ago, and to…dismiss Mark now seemed almost inherently wrong somehow. Mark might be gone for them, but for Orlando, he was like an overpowering entity. He could feel Mark on his clothes, his very skin, he could hear Mark's voice whispering to him, feel his fingers dancing over his arms. For a brief second Orlando almost wished Mark was here, to take away the feelings. He'd know what Orlando was going through, because he went through the same, Orlando was sure of it. Then a harsh voice from inside berated him, reminded him how Mark hurt him, Mark who made him feel so dirty and worthless, why would he want that back? Why would he want to hurt his friends like that? Hurt Viggo?

Viggo, amazing how he always cropped up in his thoughts like that. He knew that Viggo was suffering a tremendous burden of guilt over his abuse from Mark, and an evil part of him rejoiced at that, wanted Viggo to suffer, to shoulder the blame as much as he did for the abuse. The devil inside him wanted to yell at Viggo, scream, grab him and force Viggo to see the bruises and scars he'd got because Viggo had left him, because Orlando couldn't forget or stop loving him, because Mark blamed him for that…that it all went back to Viggo. Always.

He wanted Viggo to suffer like he had, to know what true despair felt like. It was a part of Orlando that scared himself, almost as much as the part that wanted Mark back. Ever since he was released from the hospital Orlando wondered if he was slowly going insane. Perhaps when he'd tried to kill himself he'd killed off the last sanity he possessed, why else was he having these thoughts, unless Mark had damaged him even more than he'd realised. What if he became like Mark. That thought alone was enough to freeze Orlando to the core.

He suddenly wanted Viggo's arms around him, to promise him that would never happen, that he wasn't as dirty as he felt, that he'd protect Orlando from the threat Mark posed, whether real or imaginary. But Orlando never moved, didn't speak. He felt his throat close up and wanted to cry. He'd never had trouble speaking to Viggo, even before they became lovers. Viggo had always seemed so in tune with his moods that Orlando had begun to take it for granted…well maybe not that, but that Viggo didn't sense Orlando's confusion, his desperation was another crushing blow.

An age ago, Viggo would already be holding him, soothing his worries away, but he hadn't moved, seemingly in a trance-like state. How could they ever repair things when they couldn't even talk anymore? There was no point in even imagining a reconciliation, of any sort, Orlando wasn't that naïve. Too many things stood in the way, least of all, himself.

Maybe things aren't as desperate as you make out, ever thought of making the first move? a little voice chimed in. Stupid know-it-all voice. He was lucky Viggo was still even here… why was he still here anyway? He'd done his Knight in Shining Armour routine, shouldn't he be buggering off into the sunset now? He silently berated the voice for trying to give him false hope. Stop acting like the coward you're convinced you are! Talking to him won't kill you…

"Viggo?"

Orlando was appalled. Not only that he'd spoken aloud unintentionally, but at how faint his voice sounded. Did he always sound that meek…that cowardly? No wonder Mark thought he was pathetic!

Viggo's expression was more startled than anything else, he'd thought Orlando wouldn't want to speak to him, God knows if he'd been in Orlando's position he would've tossed himself out the door, he should be grateful Orli was allowing him in his (well technically Dom's) house. He hated how things had changed so drastically between them. Those silences had become so painful and awkward. When they
had been together, Viggo had treasured the silences. It wasn't that he found Orlando too talkative, quite the reverse; he'd always been amazed at Orlando's maturity. But it was the silences that he'd learned most about Orlando, when he could commit every inch of Orlando to memory, how he dimpled when he smiled, the shape of each curl, the exact hue of his eyes, all the little details that made up Orlando.

When Orlando had curled next to him, sometimes dozing, sometimes reading, Viggo had held him and thought how lucky he was, that their silences allowed them to communicate on more levels than simple words could `constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating' he remembered that line from a now forgotten movie but he believed that, he'd always thought that the silences had brought him and Orli closer together. Perhaps they had once, but now they only served as a painful reminder of what was. He'd wanted to break the silence, to be the strong mature one, give Orlando the reassurance he so badly needed, yet he couldn't bring himself to utter a syllable. The sound of Orlando's voice made him want to cry and took every inch of restraint for him not to gather Orlando up in his arms and kiss him senseless, but he didn't know how Orlando would react to that, did Orlando want to be kissed or held right now, or would he see it as a threat?

"Can…can you…sit with me? Please?"

At those words, Viggo shoved every thought out of his head as he moved to the bed, noticing Orlando's huddled posture, Viggo paused awkwardly for a moment, not quite sure how to handle the situation, did Orlando want comforting, or for him to just sit on the bed, and where – next to him or on the edge? The last thing he wanted to do was make Orlando feel uncomfortable.

"Viggo? Are you going to move this century?" the tone was teasing, so much like the old Orlando that Viggo felt foolish for just standing there. Nodding, Viggo moved over to the bed, as Orlando moved over slightly. Feeling the hesitancy creeping up again, Viggo savagely shoved it down and resolutely sat on the bed, finally risking a glance at Orlando.

"Just hold me…please? I don't want to be alone right now" the uncertainty was back, so suddenly it shocked Viggo. Without a second thought, Viggo moved forward and slowly pulled Orlando to his chest, savouring Orlando's unique scent. No one had ever stirred his senses like Orlando, for a moment Viggo simply relished the closeness. The last time he'd held Orlando had been in the hospital when Orlando had been gripped by wracking sobs. This time there was just silence. Viggo couldn't decide what was worse, there was such a gulf of silence between them, and in all honesty Viggo didn't know how to reach Orlando anymore. Elijah was right, Orlando had changed, this wasn't the fun loving young man he has fallen in love with so many years ago, not his precious Orli that couldn't sit still and was brimming with energy, now Orlando was rigid and withdrawn, he'd all but closed himself off from Viggo at the hospital, and despite Orlando's admission that he wanted Viggo to stay, he wasn't so sure, Orlando might fear that Viggo would leave him, but Viggo held the same fear, he didn't know whether Orlando had forgiven him, was he just a means to an end or...

A shrill noise broke his thought pattern. He felt Orlando freeze slightly and immediately shift away from him as he internally cursed the noise as he began hunting for the phone. Why Henry had made him get a mobile phone, he couldn't fathom. As if it wasn't annoying enough, his beloved son had fitted it with the most God-awful `ring tone' (what the hell was that?) which was supposed to be a `chart topper', Henry had told Viggo it was an educational experience, but to Viggo it sounded akin to a dying parrot. A nosy dying parrot. Reining in a sigh and throwing an apologetic look at Orlando, that the latter seemed to miss, he flipped open the phone

"Hello?"

****

"Should you be doing that?" Dom asked in his most casual voice as he leaned against the wall. At least it would've been casual, if Elijah hadn't heard the undertone of tension beneath it but he chose to ignore it, after what they'd all been through tension was the least of their worries.

"Can't hurt" Elijah replied, shrugging. "We should be keeping an eye, and ear on things. That's how things got so shitty in the first place" Elijah kept his back to Dom, leaning in further towards the door in a futile attempt to hear signs of life from inside the room. Dom shot him a disapproving look, sensing a subtle reprimand buried in that sentence

"What's that supposed to mean?" the tone was suddenly harsh, defensive.

"Nothing"

"Oh come off it Elwood, you're obviously pissed at me so why don't you say it?"

"Not pissed."

Dom glared. Elijah's tone was carefully neutral, his gaze averted from Dom, all his attention once again focused on that stupid door. Part of Dominic knew what Elijah was doing and his heart felt heavy.

The last week…months…. years had prayed heavily on them all and Dom sometimes felt that for all Viggo's praise, he wasn't going such a good job. He wasn't sure how much he could take; it seemed at times, that the fates or whatever, were having a severely fucked–up joke about Orlando's life.

"Think I can have more than a two word answer? For God sake this is me you're talking to, Dommie"

"…We fucked up Dominic, badly. We did this to Orli, what kind of friends are we? We're supposed to protect him."

"And that fucker Mark had nothing to do with it, that we abused Orlando?!"

"We might of well as! We let him be hurt Dommie! We could've tried harder, done something… anything to stop this and we didn't, we just kept asking him to leave, comforting him after Mark had beat the shit out of him. Fuck Dominic, he'd been raping Orlando and we didn't fucking know!! Viggo knew before us, do you have any idea how much that feels, to know that Orli felt he had to hide that from us? We're his best friends, for God sake we're supposed to know when he's in trouble, protect him"

"We did everything we could Elijah! We can't help Orli if he doesn't help himself. You know what he was like, Christ he wouldn't even admit the abuse we could see let alone anything else, what were we supposed to do?"

"There were enough signs, we knew about Mark we could've connected the dots about the rapes, God the guy did everything he could to Orli, we should've known! Why didn't we just call the police…or… someone…just anyone…we should've tried harder" his voice trailed off, sounded weak, defeated and so unlike the Elijah he knew Dom almost trembled.

"God Elijah, would you've left in Orli's position? Remember what Mark said, he would've killed Orlando, you know he would've, I couldn't risk that. He stayed to keep us safe, you know that! How would Orli have lived with himself-"?

"This isn't about US Dominic! That's the whole problem. Fuck what we wanted to do, we let Mark win, we GAVE him Orlando! To hell with what Mark threatened…we could've called the police or Fellowship or Eric…you know…we know they would've helped! We could've got him away for a few hours or something, it would've given us a head start or something, it didn't have to be this way, we played by Mark's rules and look were it got us, look at Orli. He'll never be the same again, his complete life is messed up…fuck it all…I TOLD you he was a piece of shit, and you didn't listen!" Elijah's words were quickly jumbling into a mass of fury and incoherence. The last words stung Dom like nothing before. Because they were true and he hated it.

Dom stared at Elijah for an eternity, trying to digest what had been said. Is that what all this was about? Did Elijah blame him for allowing Mark into Orlando's life? There were so many mixed emotions in those large eyes; fear, anger, sorrow, fury and maybe the tiniest glimmer of hope. But hope for what?

Elijah's words stabbed him to the core, to know that Elijah would say this, accuse him of such things to his face, he felt as if his heart was being ripped out, all over again. He wanted to rail against the accusations, yell against Elijah threaten the loss of their bond unless he retracted those hateful words but he couldn't, because he knew Elijah was right. He had ignored Elijah's worries about Mark, chalked it up to a personality clash and then when it became obvious Elijah was right it was too late.

"What was I supposed to do? Hire the MI6 to kidnap Orli? I didn't see you pulling Orlando out of there kicking and screaming, I didn't know what to do, is that a crime?!"

"You were supposed to trust me! You were supposed to trust my instincts, more than some new guy in Orlando's life! Is that so hard for you to do?!"

"You were like that with Kate too, nothing she said made a difference, you didn't even give her a chance she had to force you to listen to her for three hours before you even smiled at her! If I'd listened to you then she would've ended up on America's Most Wanted! Is it really a surprise I didn't listen to you over Mark…I thought you were being overprotective again or paranoid or that…that…God for all I know you could've fancied him yourself, I didn't know what was going on in your head Lijah, I couldn't read you anymore, you were closing off from me."

Elijah looked like he was about to interrupt but Dom shock his head and carried on

"You never said you didn't trust him, never told me `keep Orli away from him' you were just stand-offish with him, what was I supposed to do with that, please tell me Lij because I have no idea. I'm not a mind reader Elijah, I'm sorry I didn't have your instincts over Mark, I'm sorry I ignored you…I'm sorry for this whole fucking situation… I never meant for this to happen, you have to believe that Elijah…I'm so sorry for everything…I'm so fucking sorry…"

There was a lingering silence for a moment. Dom felt tears trickle down his face, not having the energy to stop them, burying his face in his hands; he felt the long suppressed pain seep out of him. He couldn't face this alone, Elijah and Orlando were the only two people who had lived through the terror of Mark, only they knew the abject fear he could induce but the idea of loosing Elijah, loosing his love and trust terrified Dom more than anything. He needed Elijah by his side as much as he needed Orlando, and now Viggo.

No words were spoken as Elijah wrapped his arms around Dom, he felt ashamed over his outburst but he also knew it had to be done. He could see the guilt crippling Dom, his own failures, no matter how irrational they seemed to the outside world weighed heavily on both men, but Dom more so because he hadn't known, had trusted Mark. Elijah couldn't blame him for that. Mark had been a very persuasive person. He could easily charm people, get what he wanted out of them but that had been the problem with Orlando…he'd willingly given Mark everything, except the one thing he wanted, that one bit of Orlando's heart that belonged to Viggo, Elijah doubted that Orlando even realised this. In all the years he'd known Orlando, no one had ever managed to touch him the way Viggo did. Everyone else thought Orlando would move on, forget Viggo, everyone but Elijah…and Mark.

The two sat like that for a while, neither speaking, not wishing to break the silence. As with every other time, Elijah now regretted his harsh words he'd flung out. Why couldn't he ever learn to shut his mouth just for once? Dom leaded against him, eyes closed as if he looked exhausted, which he probably was Elijah reasoned suddenly aware of how little Dom must've slept over the past few days. The peaceful silence was suddenly broken by the familiar but unwelcome trilling of the phone. Elijah groaned, he had no desire to get off his butt to answer it and was half tempted to let the answer phone pick it up. Dom sighed and began dragging himself up to answer it, but Elijah pushed him down gently as he practically skidded down the stairs to grab the cordless, before going up stairs to wrap his arm around a now silent, Dom, he flipped open the phone

"Elijah speaking…" he tried to keep the irritation out of his voice as he rubbed his eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted himself. Hearing the voice on the other end, Elijah's eyes suddenly lost all trace of exhaustion.

***

Orlando noticed Viggo didn't make eye contact with as he unconsciously started pacing the room, reminding Orlando of a caged tiger and for the first time since Viggo's arrival, Orlando felt scared, scared OF Viggo. The man's whole posture was one of tension and anger, he barely spoke and when he did his responses were clipped and taciturn, his whole face looking pinched and aggrieved, so unlike the normally open and placid face he was used to seeing that it worried him. Orlando had no idea who the other speaker was,and suddenly found he didn't have the energy to demand the ID of the caller.

He didn't even object when Viggo, without warning, exited the room without looking back, he suddenly felt exhausted. Orlando doubted more and more the possibility of a `fresh start' with Viggo, maybe he should just tell the Dane to pack his bags, he had Dom and Elijah, what could Viggo do to help? He was too damaged now anyway, the nightmares were coming back again, not that he'd told anyone, they weren't as bad as they used to be, he wasn't screaming in his sleep anymore. He couldn't have Viggo around when they got worse, and they would, he knew that from experience. The damage was so deep, that he sometimes wondered if he'd ever be whole again. How could one man help to fix that? Simple. He couldn't.

His bones ached, his soul felt torn apart. Dr McCoy had already suggested counselling but Orlando had refused, what could a stranger tell him that he didn't already know? That he'd been abused? That he had `issues'? That he'd tried to kill himself? He knew why Mark abused him, even understood to an extent, but it didn't make the hurt less.

He'd been told the pain would dim over time and sometimes, just for a moment, he wondered if it would be quicker to finish what he'd started. Last time…in the bathroom he'd faltered slightly, he'd kept seeing Dom and Elijah…his mum…Sammie…everyone who loved him, but seeing what his pain was doing to his friends…would it be better for everyone? It would be so quick…no more Mark…no Viggo…things were so much simpler before them, before everything. He didn't dare share his thoughts with Viggo but he couldn't stop mulling them over silently.

Viggo closed his eyes as he excited the room, phone pressed to his ear, unable to look at Orlando, fearing what his face would say, give away. Taking a deep breath he forced himself push the words out his mouth "are you sure?"

Mark. Orlando's Mark. Orlando's abuser, his boyfriend. He knew what had happened, and where were to find him, this couldn't be right? "No there must be some mistake. Mark's disappeared, no one's heard from him. She has to be wrong"

"I doubt it Mr…"

"Please call me Viggo, you said this wasn't a formal call, besides it makes me feel old" he heard a slight chuckle at that.

"OK, Viggo, as I said, the odds of someone knowing so many private details to fool our receptionist and having the same general appearance of Mark…as well as the same name… it's just not plausible. I think to say otherwise would be deluding ourselves, very dangerously so. I'm sorry, I hate having to ring under these circumstances, but I feel it was a necessary step to take"

"Fuck. Why the hell did she give it to him?!" his voice rose, anger clear in his tone. Things were hard enough without some stupid lovesick teenager giving out Orlando's details to random people. "Why didn't you stop her?" the tone was harsh, accusing.

"I didn't know Viggo, I only just found out. I can't excuse Alex's actions, she's young and new but that's not an excuse, she knows our policies and she'll be disciplined, that's all I can do, the damage has been done-"

"Damage?" he almost snarled. `Damage' probably wouldn't even begin to cover what this stupid girl would have inadvertently done. Hadn't Orlando gone through enough? God knows how this latest nugget of information would affect him

"Is there anything else I should know about, does he have a deadly disease or something, because I'd really love to know everything and just get it all out the way…I don't want any more surprises" the voice was snide, sarcastic but the ending was tired, that of a man who was worn out. Suddenly Viggo felt all his age and hated it. He was older than Orlando and this wasn't New Zealand, he couldn't bury himself in a role and protect people, Elijah was right, he wasn't Aragorn, he was no hero no knight...

He was just Viggo, just a man and he was lost.

"I'm sorry I know this isn't you fault, it's just, every time I think it's going to be OK, something else happens. So he…knows?"

"Mark will know about Orlando's injuries, and my diagnoses as to the cause of the injuries, I don't believe in mincing words in reports, I write what I believe. I doubt he'll take it very well. It also says he was realised into Dominic and Elijah's custody, and that of a `third party', I blanked your name out on that before Alex saw that"

"Shit! He'll come looking for Orlando"

"That's the most likely scenario I'm afraid."

How could she be so calm? Of course she could be calm, it wouldn't affect her, she just had to pass on the news, and say how sorry she was, give a few words of meaningless reassurance, it was done and dusted for her, she could just move on. He was the one had to tell Elijah and Dom, had to tell Orlando that yet again fate had screwed them over, that his abusive and possibly now psychotic boyfriend was looking for him, and they all knew what that would mean. He didn't know Mark but already knew enough about the man to know that he wasn't the type of person to leave `unfinished business'.

How long did they have? That was the most pressing question; Mark could be on his way right now. He knew where Dom and Lij both lived, and what's more, Mark would know they'd go there, it's what he relied on the first time and it worked, Viggo refused to take that risk again. They couldn't stay here. Orlando had to be moved, somewhere Mark didn't know, a `safe house'.

At any other time, Viggo would have shook his head at the absurdity of the situation, that it was all being to feel like a movie, like one of those appalling 'slasher' movies which only served to scare teenagers, Viggo could never understand how Henry could watch the things. But now he was frightened, in a way he couldn't remember being for a long time, because it was Orlando and because he'd seen what Mark had caused Orlando to do, so in Viggo's eyes nothing was too drastic to keep Orlando safe from that...creature. Only then would Viggo worry about restraining orders and the police. To hell with what Orlando said about the tabloids, this wasn't a privacy issue this was protecting Orlando's life and Viggo would be damned if he let that bastard dictate Orlando's life anymore.

It was so strange, he'd almost convinced himself that the man was gone; that he'd fallen off a cliff or lost interest, that he could start over with Orlando. Of course he should've known better, life was never that accommodating. The voice sounded so horribly reasonable that it almost made Viggo cringe. "Why are you doing this? I don't imagine you make a regular occurrence of house calls" asked Viggo, he voice quiet, almost cracked. There was a brief silence on the other end.

"As a rule, no. We can't risk getting too…attached to patients on my ward, but I wanted to make sure Orlando would be safe, he's a lovely man, I don't want to see him back here, or have to fill out any more forms, he deserves better than that. A lot of people do but I'm rarely in a position to help them, they don't want help, or are too broken, with Orlando I can, he has people who love him, people who care. As for why, what else could I do when I found out, what kind of person would I be if I didn't act on that?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to question you, I just…I guess I forget that you can find decent people, it's just pretty rare nowadays" he murmured. Gosh Vig, another five minutes and you'll be sitting on your porch with your rocking chair muttering about the good ol' days and when people respected each other he mentally sighed at his unwanted nostalgia.

"I think we can all forget at times. I told you because I got a reminder. I was reminded of that when I saw you three with Orlando. That devotion is a rarity, trust me on that."

"Thank you, not just for Orlando, but for everything. I mean, I, um, shit! I'm not normally this dumb sounding, honestly" he murmured, immediately wincing as the clumsey words tumbled out of his mouth. "Sorry I uh-" his stuttering apology was brought to a halt by a gentle laugh.

"It's quite alright, it's nothing I haven't heard before. You want to protect him, like your friends. I'm pretty sure most people who meet him feel like that"

"Not everyone" Viggo whispered. He didn't get a reply to that but hadn't really expected one.

"I think it would be best, for Orlando's safety if he was perhaps moved, he appears familiar with both Elijah and Dominic's houses, can you think of anywhere Mark wouldn't know where to find him?"

Viggo didn't immediately respond as he tried to process her words. He couldn't believe this! Things were just beginning to settle when shit started stirring up again and frankly it was beginning to really piss him off. Was it too much to ask that they were given a break? Didn't they all have enough to deal with, without having this bastard come back to haunt them. What the hell had they all done to deserve this?

"Viggo? Are you still there?"

"Yeah. Sorry I just spaced out a little. I think too much"

"Don't worry about it, happens to me all the time. Does Orlando have a place he can go?"

"We'll find somewhere, that shouldn't be a problem." His voice sounded distant and distracted to even his own ears.

"You're welcome Viggo, I'm just sorry I can't do more. Just take care of yourself, all of you. I'll consider it due thanks if I don't have to treat any of you again, OK?" The voice held a slight tremble. I guess I should go and tell the others, get something sorted out" he sighed, suddenly feeling so old and tired. Would things always be like this? Trying to stay one step ahead of Mark, would he always be Orlando's shadow? It was a sickening thought.

"I guess I should go and tell the others, get something sorted out" he sighed, suddenly feeling so old and tired. Would things always be like this? trying to stay one step ahead of Mark would he always be Orlando's shadow? It was a sickening thought. "I…uh…thank you,. You didn't have to do any of this"

"You're welcome Viggo, I'm just sorry I can't do more. Just take care of yourself, all of you. I'll consider it due thanks if I don't have to treat any of you again, OK?" the voice held a slight teasing note that made Viggo smile.

"I'll try my best. Thanks again. Bye"

"Bye Viggo"

Putting the phone, Viggo heaved a sigh as he grabbed his keys, momentarily debating whether to ring Elijah and Dom before hand, then decided it would be better and quicker to just drive straight there. Starting the ignition, his heart sank. His mind drifted back to a week ago when he'd driven in a blind panic to the hospital, how hopeless and frightened he's felt. The feelings had changed since then, because he knew what to expect, not a feeling that offered him any solace as a new wave of melancholy and frustration washed over him.


Without a word Elijah slowly put the phone down. Dom hovered nearby, worry palpable on his face. Elijah hadn't spoke a word during the conversation that took all over five minutes, but the look of disbelief and devastation on the face told him more than words could convey.

"Elijah?"

"He knows" the statement was chocked, whispered and Dom had to strain to hear it. He shook his head as if trying to process the conversation.

"Mark…he fucking knows…about Orli…the hospital…about everything. He knows"

"What? But…he wasn't…how…why…how..."

"I don't know how he knew, but he knew…he's going to come after Orli Dom, I just know it"

"Sonofabitch" Dom seethed. Why couldn't he have just crawled under a rock and died damnit?! Was that really too much to ask. "It was a sick prank, it couldn't be, he doesn't know where we are…it wasn't him Lij, it's not possible"

"It was him Dommie, I swear. His voice…it…it was him, no prank. He … we have to tell them Dom, Orli can't stay here, if Mark knows…he'll come for Orli. You know what he can do, just one threat and Orlando will run back to Mark to protect Viggo or us. Mark snaps his fingers and Orli jumps. We've got to just get him away"

"You think I'm like a dog?" came a voice from behind them, the words were spoken in a cool, measured tone, almost masking the hurt and betrayal lying there. Almost.

Elijah spun around, his eyes widening in horror as he looked at Orlando standing behind them, with Viggo hovering in the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face. Both men suddenly felt a sickness welling up within them. "I didn't mean…you're not…" blustered Elijah, but stopped short. What could he say in his defence, it was what he'd been thinking, Orlando did obey Mark, too frightened of the threatened retribution to do otherwise, and although it had kept Dom and himself safe, Elijah hated it. Hated how easily and meekly Orlando had bowed to Mark's whims. Even as the events had unraveled before his eyes, he couldn't accept that his safety had come with such a high price tag.

"Yeah you did Elijah. I am just like his fucking dog, or maybe I'm his bitch, isn't that more appropriate, he says jump I say how high happily waging my fucking tail. Is that how you see me? What about you Dominic, any pearls of wisdom you'd like to share about my 'canine attitude'. God forbid I did it for a reason, that I didn't want anyone to get hurt-"

"Orlando! I didn't mean it like that, you know that, it's just… that's exactly what gives him such power, he knows you wants to protect us, that you'd do anything and he's played on it time and again. He knows Orlando, he knows you're here and I can't deal with you going with him, not again. We've just got you back, I don't want to loose you, none of us do"

He knew he should have broke the news more gently to Orlando, but the hurt and fear warred inside him he had to make Orlando see how serious this situation was, life had already dealt him a hard enough hand, did he need Elijah to remind him?

"I know what he's capable of Elijah! You and Dominic have no idea what he did, no fucking idea, you just saw the bloody aftermath! I know he's still out there and he'll come back-"

"He knows now Orlando! Right now, that was him on the phone, it's not sometime in the future it's right now!" Elijah desperately tried to keep his voice level. He was beginning to feel as if he was in some surreal horror movie and any second how a deranged axe man was going to barge in killing them all. "You didn't hear what he said, I'm scared Orli, I'm scared for you. He's lost it Orli, he's gone completely mad, do you really want to stick around and see if he's willing to do what he said to me?"

Orlando didn't say anything at first but a slow shaking of the head; a desperate attempt at denial didn't bode well for their situation.

"It's true Orlando" that was from Viggo, finally stepping forward, while both Dom and Elijah shot him puzzled looks. "Dr McCoy just rang, a stupid girl at the hospital gave Mark all your hospital details, it's got everything; injuries, diagnosis, causes, addresses, next of kin. He'll know you both took him home…he's got everything he needs. He doesn't need to `bind his time' Orlando. You're right; you know more than anyone what Mark can do, that's why we have to get you away, now. You can hate us later if you want"

"Just stop it! Stop it! I don't care any more OK?" Orlando yelled, suddenly feeling an unaccountable anger well up within him. What did Viggo know of Mark, or Dom and Lij for that matter? "Stop thinking you know what's best for me, that I'm a baby who needs protecting, I'm not a kid or a flower, I'm thirty two, I can handle things for myself"

"Like you can `handle' Mark, how you've been handling him for four years, or how you're handling yourself now?" Viggo shot back, a look of frustrated anger on his face. Orlando's face took on a pinched look but remained silent.

"What no response? Are you just going to hid, like you always do, hoping big nasty Mark will leave you alone? Newsflash Orlando! He's not going to! He's a psycho who gets off on a power trip with you."

"Fuck you Viggo" he spat. "You don't know the first thing about Mark or our relationship"

"Apart from the fact that he happily beat and raped you. I somehow doubt he's above stalking or kidnapping you" Viggo's voice was unexpectedly harsh. He refused to let himself lull Orlando into a false sense of security, that would be a much greater cruelness than what he just said, even if his heart strongly disagreed with him.

Orlando couldn't stop the chocked sob from escaping his throat as his face crumbled and he slumped onto the floor. He felt himself shaking but was unable to stop as Viggo's words reverberated in his head:

…beaten…raped…happily…

Oh God, had Mark enjoyed hurting him? He could remember Mark sobbing in his arms afterwards, how apologies tumbled out of his mouth, but he remembered other times when Mark had just left him hurting, sometimes he's even left a mocking kiss before slamming the door, did Mark enjoy it those times. He'd always sworn he couldn't help it, that he hated hurting Orlando.

Orlando felt an unexpected arm wrap round him but he shrugged it off rather savagely. "Don't…please" he begged, unable to stand anyone's touch as he remembered so many nights when he'd said those words to Mark, the difference was of course, that now the words were heeded, the hand immediately moved.

"I'm sorry Orli, I didn't mean to…I didn't want to upset you" whispered Viggo as he crouched down, careful not to touch Orlando this time. He should've known better than to remind Orlando of his abuse, he just wanted Orlando to get his head out from the sand, he couldn't be in denial over Mark, it would kill him, of that Viggo was certain. "Just leave me alone Viggo" he whispered, not looking at the older man.

"Not going to happen" this time the voice was gentler but no less firm. "We don't want to hurt you Orlando, we just want to protect you"

"So you thought you'd throw what Mark did in my face? You don't think I know he gets dangerous, that he can hurt me? He hurt me so much Viggo…he hates me, I think part of him would be happy if I was dead, I think I'm torturing him"

"You feel sorry for the bastard?!" Elijah yelped.

"You don't understand, he needs help! I'm the only one he listens to… he's hurting as much, probably more than I am. I want him to get better, you have to understand that, he wasn't always like this." There was a pleading in the voice, not just to the other men but to him, a desperation in proving there was truth in his statement, while at the same time, knowing the futility of his argument. It was the same every time.

"You can't help someone like that Orlando" Dom sighed. He'd heard Orlando's pleading argument so many times, he'd ceased caring in all honesty. When he saw Mark, he didn't see a sick or tortured person. He saw Orlando. He saw the deep bruises along his ribs, the imprint of a boot mark on his stomach or a gash on his check. He saw Orlando's terror silently grow, each day a little more of him dying. He saw a bully in Mark, a will to dominant and control, he didn't see any suffering in Mark's eyes, no shred of remorse and by that token Dominic would never give him any. He didn't give a damn if Mark was sick, and had a pile of tumours pressing on his brain, he didn't care if Mark had an abusive childhood or was just born fucked up. He didn't care because Orlando was still hurt and he couldn't stop it.

"He might be sick Orli, but it doesn't matter if he is, because if you go back, he'll keep hurting you, intentional or not and one day he won't stop and he'll kill you and it won't matter if he's sick or not, because I'll kill him, I swear to God I will" Elijah stated, his voice so matter-of-fact it made Orlando shudder.

"He's right Orlando, as much as I hate to say this, if he hurts you again, either me or Elijah WILL kill him, I don't want it to get to that, don't make it so we have to make that choice Orli, it's not cowardly to leave, you're not running away"

"Where am I supposed to go? After trying here, he'll expect me to go to someone else's house, either Eric or one of the Fellowship, I can't go back to England…God what if he hurt Mum or Sam, I couldn't face them seeing what I've become…it'd destroy them"

"It'll destroy them a lot more if they have to ID your body!" Dom shot back, his voice having a harsh edge.

"Orli does have a point, the bastard follows Orlando everywhere, how they hell do we fight an obsession?" Elijah sighed, unconsciously rubbing the hand that Mark had nearly broke over a year ago, that had been Mark's reaction after just one night without Orlando, he shuddered to think what Mark would do if he caught Orlando now. Despite what Orlando said, Elijah firmly believed Mark was nothing more than a depraved sadist, who would revel in Orlando's pain.

"We take away the obsession" Viggo said firmly, looking at all three men. "We have to forget all the logical solutions, everywhere we'd take Orli, Mark will go, so we need somewhere Mark will never look, or at least think to"

"Who does that leave? According to you, that means no Fellowship, including Liv, Karl and Miranda. Definitely no Eric. Johnny's out, Sonia and Samantha, let's go the whole hog and say everyone you've ever worked with or met…who does that leave?"

"I'm not risking anyone else, I've already risked all of yours safety, I can't drag anyone else into this" Orlando said stubbornly, a look of long forgotten resolve on his face

"That's exactly the point Orlando! You can use that excuse for anyone, God anyone you practically talk to could be at risk if Mark sees you, what are you going to do, become a bloody reclusive mute?! You can't hide away on the pretext of protecting people. If Mark wants to hurt us, he'll do it, regardless of what measures we take"

The horrible honesty of Elijah's statement made Orlando's stomach turn. Mark would never forgive him for this betrayal, for that's what he would see his suicide attempt as, as a means of escape – a permanent one. Perhaps on some subconscious level he had been trying to fight Mark the only way his exhausted body would let him. It was the part of him that had always refused to give up, the part that had made him walk out of a hospital twelve days after a supposedly being crippled for life, it was the part that raged and screamed at Mark's treatment towards him, told him he deserved better. The strength he'd been feeling, fuelled by his anger suddenly evaporated, and Orlando leaded against the wall.

"OK, I'll go wherever you say" he said weakly. All three men looked at him for a moment and Viggo felt a tightness in his chest; "My house" he said suddenly "Mark might find out eventually but it'll give us some breathing space" he silently held his breath, as if waiting for judgement. Dom's face suddenly seemed to light up in amazement. "Of course! It's so damn obvious, it's the last place he'd go to and by that time we can sort something else out, it's perfect" that it was also the most dangerous he kept to himself. Elijah looked more skeptical about the suggestion but nodded slowly.

Orlando remained slumped against the wall; what he'd most hoped and dreaded was coming true. How did he feel about it? Right now, speech was impossible and feelings were even harder. He dully pulled himself to his feet. "Let's go," murmured, "now".

TBC

Comments

[trustingfrndshp.livejournal.com]

I'm glad they convinced Orli; he's been channeling his anger and compassion poorly and should be angry w/ Mark and care more about his own well-being but I get that it's b/c he's been through a lot. Look forward to more:-)

[obvmluver.livejournal.com]

Christ with you, imogen_lily! You are such an amazing writer. You made me wanting more, again. So, please, please, please write more soon. I need to know more... =D

[sperblovorlando.livejournal.com]

Wow! This was a stunning chapter. I am so glad Orli is listening to reason. At least he will be safe while he gets better with Viggo's help and Lij and Dom. I look forward to more chapters to see how this all resolves.
Linda
sperbl@parknicollet.com

[dreamerswings42.livejournal.com]

Glad to see some of Orli's old resolve coming back, if only fleetingly... it will grow stronger with his friends help. Maybe at Viggos place the solitude will help them sort life out. Very moving story. Thanks for sharing.