vigorli

Part B

after a rather emotionally draining conversation with Bast. Having to explain to your best friend's cousin of said best friend's abuse was not easy. Fortunately Bast wasn't the type to 'freak out' easily, which often came in handy when photographing the more...diva-ish of celebrities. It appeared Bast had gained those skills, having worked for a couple of shelters before switching to photography, and Bast was all too aware the depths of cruelty some relationships could reach. To his amazement, and chagrin, Elijah found Bast hadn't yelled or screamed when Elijah, probed by Bast's gentle questions had finally admitted the depths of the abuse, but hysterics just weren't Bast's way, they never had been. He took the news with amazing calm, if an infinite sadness but he hadn't been shocked.

A part of Elijah had to wonder if Bast had somehow known this, how he wasn't sure. He wasn't the first who suspected what was going on. It's wasn't really hard to see what had been happening, if you knew what to look for. Bast had simply listened to Elijah, not interrupting during his tirades of anger and grief. Bast had even, reluctantly, promised not to let Sonia and Samantha know what had happened when Elijah had tentatively asked him (half expecting to be refused), at least not yet. More than anyone Bast knew that Orlando wouldn't be able to face his family if they found out. Bast hadn't been happy, feeling Sam and his aunt deserved to know, but he'd agreed that, right then, Orlando's mental well-being had to come first. He knew when Bast made a promise, it was unbreakable.

Ironically, it had ended up with Bast comforting Elijah, surely it should've been the other way around? Now the conversation had ended, Elijah felt guilty for his clinginess but just ten minutes ago, the over-whelming emotions had been too much, four years of worries, and one of the hardest weeks in his life had all spilled fourth, all with Bast's comforting voice. At times like that it wasn't hard to see how Bast and Orlando were related, despite their vastly different features, and at least on the surface, their personalities both possessed an infinite well of patience and empathy.

He was more than a little relieved when he heard the door click, signalling Dom and Viggo's return from the flat. He hadn't been happy with Dominic's insistence to go over there. The reality was, however unpleasant, that they didn't know where Mark was and Elijah was more than wary about his friend going there and meeting Mark. Elijah knew that Mark would hold them personally responsible for not only Orlando's suicide attempt but his desertion as well, and this time there would be no amount of Orlando's pleading that would keep them safe, and knowing Mark he would find Orlando, the question was when he would make himself known. The idea that he could turn up while Dom, and especially Viggo were at the flat frightened him, God knows what Mark would do to Viggo….who he saw as the cause of all his woes…

He'd been slightly on edge since they went, his mind replaying various scenarios, none of them pleasant, so it was more than a relief to hear they were safe. There was also a small part of him, that was relived he hadn't gone. As selfish as it was, Elijah could only be relaxed when Dom suggested he was left behind with Orlando, he hadn't want to seem like a coward, but going to that house again...he couldn't do it, not after what he now knew. He couldn't go back there, not without breaking down in some over-the-top way. The two men were quiet and withdrawn as they came upstairs, a large duffle bag slung over Viggo's shoulder, a few items in Dom's hands, and a grim countenance on both men's features at once told Elijah that it had been every bit as painful as he'd imagined it would be. Briefly hugging Dom, trying to bring his friend some feeling of security he turned his attention to Viggo, and pulled him into a tight hug as well. At first Viggo seemed slightly stilted in the embrace, but soon found himself hugging Elijah back full force. At this point words seemed rather redundant to try and express their emotions.

Elijah poked his head around the door, to find Orlando had drifted off to sleep. Gently shaking his friend, unsurprisingly Orlando was more than a little reluctant to wake up but seeing the faint line of a smile through his sleep-ridden view, he slowly creaked his eyes open. "Hey sleepy head, didn't know I was that boring to be around" he joked softly, Orlando smiled silently at the gentle attempt at humour, and he quickly drifted out of his dream state.

"Who was on the phone?"

"…My agent, Nic's found some production gig she thought I might be interested in" he lied, unable to tell Orlando about his conversation with Bast. Orlando could barely get over Viggo, and themselves knowing what had happened, let alone his family back in England. "That's great!" Orlando enthused, suddenly sounding quite animated as he beamed at Elijah, but held back the hug that Elijah had almost expected. Due to Bast's advice, Elijah knew Orlando had to be the one to take the initiative on any intimate movement, even a hug could be perceived as a threat, because where Mark was concerned it was, and could land Orlando a nasty bruise. How they were going to turn that warped conditioning around nagged at Elijah constantly.

The truth was he had had a call from his agent Nicole, but it had been two weeks ago, before this happened, when Mark was still here. Elijah had been rather reluctant to accept it, not the offer itself, which was an amazing opportunity, especially for someone in his age bracket to produce a film, but rather to leave Orlando at this time. Although the filming was essentially near, he wouldn't be on hand 24/7 for Orlando, thoughts of what could happen if he left niggled at him until under Nic's gently impatience cajoling he'd given a half hearted `I'll get back to you', generally known in `actor- speak' as `thanks but no thanks'.

"So…what did you say?" Orlando prodded, grateful to steer the topic away from himself for once. Sensing the plead behind the question, Elijah paused.

"I need to think about it first Orli, I mean it's a big decision. I'm still really young"

"Elijah! You're 28, for God sake that's not old!. I thought you always wanted to produce or direct, why give up on that?"

"I…hey, Dom's back from…y'know. Umm…Viggo's here too, do you wanna see them? Sounds like they got some pretty interesting stuff that was buried there," Elijah exclaimed, his voice suddenly sounding too bright and cheerful. Orlando wasn't sure why Lij suddenly changed the topic, but he wasn't about to confront Elijah about it, God knows he'd done it often enough over the last few years. Suddenly Elijah's words hit him. Viggo. Viggo was here, right now, in Elijah's house and he looked like utter crap. Since his release earlier that day, his grooming had taken a back seat. Not that he should care about his appearance around Viggo anyway, the man had seen him first thing in the morning with an awesome cold, but this was different. He and Viggo were no longer together, and it was rather awkward for Viggo to see him like this, but he also knew Viggo's determination. If Viggo wanted to stay, no force on earth, or otherworldly would prevent him. Besides he should at least thank Viggo for assisting Dom this morning. Nodding slowly, he indicated for Elijah to let them in. Dom wasted no time on plonking the exceedingly heavy bag on the bed, before he flopped down in a chair, Viggo, looking more than a little uncomfortable hovered slightly at the door.

"You can come in Viggo, I'm not going to bite" Orlando called out, and was suddenly mortified. Where did that come from?? How on earth could he joke at a time like this, when his friends had been going out of their minds, why did he say that? Why??! But noticing the small smile dancing around Viggo's lips, he felt himself ease slightly, as Viggo came more fully into the room. No words were spoken for a full five minutes, as if the four men were suddenly acutely aware of the difficultly of the situation, also the realization, that they actually hadn't all been together (and conscious) since…well the Break Up really. Viggo hadn't sat with Orlando while Dom and Lij were there and vice versa, and now they were all here, and no one could think of a damn word to say. Typical.

"Christ almighty Orli, do you know how much crap we found back there?" moaned Dom, rubbing his neck for emphasis, in a desperate attempt to break the ice. Turning back to Elijah, he wiggled his eyebrows in a taunting manner. "Check these out!" he grinned, as he threw Elijah a faded T-shirt and Orlando some sort of caramel coloured fuzz ball. Orlando almost blushed when Elijah held up the shirt for inspection. "Yep, definitely one of Orli's earlier…triumphs" he grinned. It was his favourite `slob around' T-shirt, various holes poking through and a faint picture of Garfield on the front smugly claiming `It's tough being this adorable.' He must've had the shirt since his teens and had always loved it. "Definitely a sign of a swelling ego" grinned Elijah.

Glancing down at the fuzz ball in his hand, Orlando’s eyes almost teared up as he carefully inspected it to find it was his teddy bear, Aloysius, named from the 'Brideshead Revisited' bear. Elijah didn't get the name (and he had no intension of reading the book, thank you) and had decided it was too hard to pronounced, so he'd taken to calling it ‘Orlibear’ and much to Orlando's annoyance, it had quickly caught on to the rest of the cast. 'Orlibear' he became. It had been one of his first presents from Elijah on arriving in New Zealand and had held it close to his heart ever since. Orlando had been missing home, and England in general, apart from the inability to have a decent cup of tea (also much lamented by Beanie) he'd left his 'creature comforts' behind, so Elijah's solution had been to buy him a 'proper English bear' that had been when Orlando realised how nutty and wonderful Elijah was. The gentle mockery of the T-shirt however, was gone, as Orlando gently inspected the bear. "It's lost some stuffing" he murmured, not quite sure what else to say, blinking back the tears. He loved this bear, it'd been a ridiculous source of comfort to him throughout the years. A `thank you' seemed too trite for it's return. Dom merely smiled, a sort light visible in his eyes. "S'OK mate. Knew you wouldn't want to be without your bear. Important things they are. Oh we also got these back for you" he added, this time all joking gone, as he gently set the tangle of pendants down in Orlando's lap. "I figured you might want them back now that…well…that we've found them" he finished lamely.

"I…uh…" the words seemed to be stuck in this throat, he wouldn't cry… not this time.
"I thought I'd never see them again" he whispered, his voice sound scratchy, as he took in each pendant, tracing them lovingly, gazing at the long forgotten objects with awe and delight. Memories came flooding back on him. To many, these objects would seem meaningless; an old t-shirt, a battered teddy bear, a random assortment of pendants, but to him they meant the world, because it symbolized *his* world, the world he'd been denied with Mark. If he could have these back, maybe it was a sign that he could begin his life over again.

"God…I…I don't know what to say. You didn't have to go back for this stuff. I was worried about you." He finally looked up at the two men, a mixture of happiness and sorrow playing along his face. Dom looked over to Viggo for a moment, not quite sure how to respond. "It was no bother Orlando" Viggo spoke up, his eyes meeting with Orlando's for the first time since That meeting at the hospital.

"But…it was a risk…I mean someone…something… they could… please don't go back again, either of you. I don't want anything to happen to you." The words were stuttered, with more than worry lacing them. There was a genuine fear lying there, which was, sadly, not out of place.

"We were OK" Viggo replied softly, his eyes never leaving Orlando's.

Sensing a potential Kodak moment arising, the two hobbits, quietly exited the room, and could only pray that the talking would continue. With the abandonment of his beloved friends, the gulf between Viggo and Orlando seemed to increase ten fold. He didn't want to do this, not now, not ever. Being around Viggo was too raw, too painful. Though he hadn't said anything, he's been terrified when he heard of Viggo's determination to go back to his flat. If Mark had been there…no he wouldn't go there. Viggo was safe, and he was here. That was all that mattered, all that could matter at the moment.

"I wish you hadn't gone," whispered Orlando, glancing around the room, trying vainly to avoid looking at Viggo.

"I just wanted to help, I thought Dom could use a hand, there was a lot of stuff" he breathed, trying to keep his voice level, while he internally cursed the hobbits for their desertion. He understood, a small part even gave them a rallying cheer complete with pom-poms but all that his brain could mainly make out was ` Me. Orlando. Alone. Crap.' Ah, the joys of having an eloquent mind…

"You shouldn't have gone, what if…I mean…crap Viggo! You *know* what could've happened!" Orlando cried, suddenly feeling a mixture of terror and anger well up inside of him. Was it some macho act Viggo felt he had to keep up, fighting his boyfriend for Orlando's honour? What did he think he had to prove? Why go into the lion's den when it could return at any moment.

"It was fine, he wasn't there Orli" the nickname slipped out before he could stop it. "He hasn't been back since you were brought to the hospital. It looks like he's skipped town, there wasn't any risk" He tried to soothe Orlando, pushing himself off the wall and taking the seat previously held by Dominic.

"Bullshit!" the vehemence of that shocked Viggo, after witnessing first hand Orlando's shrieking violet behaviour this was not expected.

"He's still here, do you really think he's just going to leave. He'll find out Viggo, about what I tried to do, that I'd left and he won't let it lie. He's just waiting Viggo and I don't want you around when he decides to make reappearance. You don't know what he's capable of." Viggo almost flinched at the brutal honesty of that statement.

"Orli, he's not-"

"Don't you *dare* Viggo Mortensen! Don't you dare treat me like a hysterical child-"

"Then don't act like one!" Instantly he regretted his harsh words, seeing Orlando's face close up he wanted to hit himself. Why the hell was he getting angry with Orlando for? Maybe because he knew, deep down Orlando was right, that Mark was still here. He couldn't think about that, not right now. He had the possibility of making things right with Orlando, maybe even the faintest flick of a new start with him, and the idea Mark could come and destroy that was unbearable. Also on a deep level, Orlando's statement of Mark's anger sickened him. Orlando, more than anyone knew exactly what Mark was capable of, and it only served as a reminder of his failure to Orlando on so many levels. A twisted part of his brain, that he would not respond to had almost wished Mark had appeared, so that he could've had the chance to have some attempt at revenge on Orlando's tormentor. Macho bullshit, yes but true nonetheless. "God I'm so sorry! I didn't mean that! I'm sorry" Viggo mumbled, shame colouring his tone. Orlando slowly nodded, as if still reeling from Viggo's heated accusation.

"It's OK-"

"No, it's not, I'm being a dickhead, and that's the last thing you need or deserve. I meant what I said Orlando, I just want to make things right, if you still want to hate me that's fine-"

"Hate you?!? Where did that come from? I don't hate you Viggo, I never have"

"But…how…*why*?!?"

"Because I can't…I never could. I don't want to hate you Viggo. I don't have the energy to do this by myself. I want you around, but I don't know if I can trust you. You might want to stick around, but will you? You left before Viggo, what's to stop you from doing it again and again. I couldn't cope if you left again, not now. If you want out at some time, or just want to get me better, then I'd rather you left. I don't think I can pick up the pieces when you leave again. I'm not expecting anything from this, I don't want a nursemaid, I want someone I can trust and rely on. Can you do that Viggo?" Despite the directness, the tone was pleading, the eyes begging.

Viggo paused before responding. He must appear like such a coward in Orlando's eyes, always abandoning him, giving up on them…and he could say why. Why he had felt the necessity to ruin something so wonderful, perhaps it was a masochistic streak, who knew?

He didn't know what would happen, either between them, or to Orlando but he did know he wanted to be there when it unfolded, even if it wasn't an outcome he desired, even if Orlando told him to fuck off, or wanted someone else, he wanted to have at least stood his ground this time. "Orlando..."

"Viggo I'm serious! I can't have you leave me this time. I won't hold it against you if you don't want to stay through all of this. I don't know whether I'll get better Viggo, is that what you want? Will you still want to be with me if I accidentally flinch when you touch me, or if I freeze when you want to make love to me? I don't think I can do the normal couple things, or normal anythings. I want to, but I can't promise anything Viggo. This is a one-way ticket and I don't want you to take it if you're not sure…I don't want you to suffer through this when you don't have to. If you want out just say so. I'll always be grateful you were here for Dom and Lij but-"

"Orlando…I want to stay. No matter what, even if you don't ever want me to touch you, I want to stay and find out if that's the case. I want to see if I can make you smile again, I want you to know what a selfish idiot I've been and I don't expect anything in return, I swear. I just want you to be happy, even if it's just as a friend but I want to stay to find out. I don't want to leave you again Orlando. Not ever. I promise."

The resolve in his voice resonated across the room. All Orlando could do was nod, words simply wouldn't come out.

****

Dr McCoy pinched her temples in frustration. It had not been a good day and a severe headache was developing and she still had another three hours before she was finally released from duty. She'd been finishing off Orlando's file, one which hopefully she would never had to see again, when she noticed the front detail sheet was missing.

Confused, she rifled through the spread out papers for the missing sheet, groaning in frustration. She couldn't imagine why it was missing, except when the receptionist sometimes needed details for visitors, but even so there was some highly personal information on the sheet, especially for someone like Orlando's case that she wasn't comfortable with other prying eyes viewing it. She knew all too well how valuable `celebrity gossip' could be in the wrong hands. Heading over to the reception desk, she was greeted by Alex, the newest staff member, having only been working here two months and seemed to be a bit overwhelmed, having murmured "ER wasn't ever like this."

Dr McCoy had grinned at that and replied "Hollywood never is. Especially when they have George Clooney on set."

"Hey have you seen the front sheet for Mr Bloom" she asked, trying not to let her wariness show. "Umm…yeah. Some guy wanted some sorta details about Orli…uh I mean Mr Bloom earlier today. He was sort of cute"

"That's good to know, but why did he want Mr Bloom's information"

"Didn't say, just said he knew Mr Bloom and wanted to know if he was OK. Said he was an old friend from when Mr Bloom was in England. I mean he was English and all, the other guy I mean."

Dr McCoy tried to reign in her frustration at the nonchalance of the girl. Alex was a nice girl, if rather oblivious to the `bigger picture'

"Did you just give it to him? Without any proof?"

"NO! Course not, I've got the sheet here, he just want a few details, anyway he knew a lot about Mr Bloom, like all personal stuff. Not the crap from the web sites y'know, the proper stuff. Y'know he looked a lot like his boyfriend… whatishisname… God I can never remember. Tall and dark. They make a really gorgeous couple but I heard they split up, something about the guy two timing Orli or something weird, so some of the mags are saying anyway. Personally, I think it's that girl who-"

"Alexandra! I need you to think carefully, try to remember the conversation, it's really important, did he say who he was or what he was doing with them?" Dr McCoy couldn't hide the urgency any more. She had a terrible feeling she knew where this was going.

"Gee…sorry Dr McCoy, he was kinda cute, I didn't really think...um…let me think… Shit he told me like half an hour ago…Michael, or possibly Nigel I think." Dr McCoy looked as the poor girl kept biting her lip. She knew Alex was a bit overwhelmed working here, but it was a hospital, what in all honesty did she expect? Alex felt rather startled at McCoy's outburst, normally she was cool to work with, the kind of woman who always kept her cool, what was the big deal, she only gave a couple of facts to the guy after all. She couldn't help it if she got a tad distracted by a really cute guy could she? God she *hated* people using her full name, only her mother used it when she was in deep shit, and she got the feeling that that was the situation she was in now with Dr McCoy. Shit.

At Alex's rambling Dr McCoy began to sense feelings of relief flowing through her. "Oh wait hang on, Mark! His name was definitely Mark, didn't give a last name, I guess he sorta wanted to be anonymous y'know? Isn't it kinda weird though that he's got his boyfriend's name, I mean, what are the odds, seriously? Hey what if it *was* him? Oh my God! I mean he looked really similar. He was wearing sunglasses and scarves and stuff so it was kinda difficult to tell, but I bet he was here to visit. God that's so cute! Why do the gay guys get such great boyfriends? My boyfriend would never visit me if I was dying, lazy ass" she rambled "But then of course, he's not as gorgeous as Orli... God why does he have to be gay-"

Dr McCoy wasn't listening any longer, a feeling of unaccountable dread welling up within her.

TBC