Mea Culpa Ch 6. Revised
Aug. 15th, 2005 10:16 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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vigorliTitle: Mea Culpa
Author: Imogen
Disclaimer: Don’t know them. Completely made up. No profit made
Rating NC-17 (eventually)
Pairing VigOrli (central pairing); Orlando/OC; Orlando/Kate
Summary: Abuse ruins everyone’s lives. Who picks up the pieces?
Warnings: Domestic abuse, rape, violence, attempted suicide
Feedback Oh please!!! Yes!!!
Viggo clenched and unclenched his hands, he’s lost track of how many hours he’d sat here gazing at Orlando’s still form. Hearing the blips and whirs of the machines offered him no comfort, only served to remind him, once again what a mess he’d made of things.
“The doctors said I should try to talk to you, keep you in touch with the world. I don’t know if it does any good, can you hear me Orli? I hope not. I don’t want you to hear what I’m saying, that I know what you went through. All of it, even what Mark…did when you were alone...I know. She…Dr McCoy told me Orli, she wanted to help, I swear. I’m supposed to tell them about it, do they know Orli, did they find out or guess...” his voice trailed off.
Viggo was stunned by how his monotonous his voice sounded, he could’ve been reading a weather report rather than talking to his abused, comatosed ex-lover. Why did other people never seem to have to deal with this type of shit?
He knew he had to tell them. But telling Dominic and Elijah that Mark had repeatedly raped Orlando…that scared him. Of course, there was always the possibility they already knew. They knew Orlando was being abused, they had all but witnessed it, that much was obvious, but did they know about the rapes? If they didn't, they had a right to know. They were Orlando’s friends, his family. He looked at Orlando's still form for a moment, seeking some kind of answer, but all he heard were the blips of the machine.
"God. I can't fucking do this Orlando! I’m not strong enough…this is killing them, seeing you like this. Dom and Lij are so frightened, Elijah thinks you’re going to die…I can’t…you can’t die Orli, they need you too much…I need you. God, why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve helped Orlando, I swear, I would’ve done anything I could! Why couldn’t you hold on for a bit longer…why didn’t you let anyone help you?!”
Unable to look at the array of machines for a moment he hung his head, letting out a frustrated sigh.
“The irony is, I'm scared of you waking up, because I'm afraid you'll hate me; hate me for telling Dom and Elijah about… see, I can't even say it to you! Dr. McCoy told me. Don't blame her; she's trying to help, I know you won’t believe that but it’s true. It wasn't your fault, please believe that. No one blames you, I promise."
He paused, reaching down to stroke Orlando's curls, his forehead. No response. Despite his fear of Orlando waking, Viggo was beginning to think that time would never come to pass, with each passing day, with each hour, his hope was slowly slipping away and he felt numb, the idea of loosing Orlando, even this shell that his Orli had become, terrified him to such a degree he didn’t dare consider it. After a brief pause, he continued.
"You know, I kept wondering if you were happier with Mark. I hoped you weren't; God that sounds awful, but I swear, I never wanted you to be hurt by him. Please believe that angel, I just couldn't stand the idea of someone loving you more than I did, than I still do, to accept that it was really over, that you'd moved on. I'm so, so sorry Orli. Please forgive me, angel," he whispered, his throat catching.
He remembered Orlando had once told him that he'd never love anyone the way he loved Viggo, at the time Viggo had simply smiled, pulling Orlando into a deep kiss. He realised now, he’d never truly accepted the depths of Orlando’s love for him. Convincing himself that it was a crush, youthful ‘puppy love’ that Orlando would eventually grow out of, but he didn't. He’d never once given the slightest indication he wanted someone other than Viggo, and Orlando’s devastated expression upon their break-up had confirmed all of Viggo’s worst fears; Orlando had truly been in love with him.
He knew how that he’d always underestimated the depth of Orlando’s love; it wasn’t that he didn’t believe him, but Orlando had been so young that it seemed impossible to conceive that Orlando had found his ‘soul mate’ at the age of twenty-two. Whatever it was, it was a love deep enough to still affect Orlando, to cause such pain. Did Orlando still mean that, still believe it?
Did he ever think about Viggo, or miss him the way Viggo did. How much did Orlando love Mark, had Mark ever loved Orlando or been entranced by a beautiful face? Did Mark know everything about Orlando?
Did he know how Orlando constantly fiddled with his rings when he was nervous, how he took no milk but five tons of sugar in his coffee or that he mewled sometimes in his sleep? Did Mark make sure to buy Orlando’s favourite biscuits that he only took with herbal tea? Did Orlando snuggle up to Mark at night, arms wrapped around the crook of his arm, legs entwined, as if trying to bury himself, like he'd done with Viggo? He hoped not, he didn't want Mark to know Orlando the way he did. He'd given Orlando to Mark and he hated himself for it. It had taken all of his self-control to not punch Mark just for being with Orlando. He realised at that moment, at the reunion, exactly what he'd lost, what he'd probably never regain.
He let his hand linger for a moment. A small part of Viggo didn't want Orlando to wake up for two reasons. Orlando was bound to be in pain, and he didn't want to see him like that, and the other reason was that once he was awake, Viggo couldn't touch him anymore. Orlando would want him out of his life for good. He couldn't blame him; it was the least he deserved. As long as Orlando slept, he was safe. They were both safe, Viggo from rejection and Orlando from reality.
"He looks so peaceful," came Dom's wistful voice from the door. Elijah was hovering by the side, looking suspiciously like a ghost. Viggo jumped and quickly pulled away his hand, mentally cursing himself.
"How long have you guys been here?"
"Long enough. What do you know?" Lij stated, looking directly at Viggo. This was it. There was no way he could duck out of this.
"We need to go somewhere private," he insisted. Dom looked puzzled as a frown spread across his face.
"I don't want to leave Orlando, he needs someone with him," Elijah argued, a glare spreading across his face.
"This is important Elijah! The nurses are keeping an eye on him. If something happens they'll let us know," Viggo reasoned, trying to keep his voice level, but also interject the right amount of pleading. Reluctantly Elijah nodded and both men followed Viggo to the office where his world had collapsed just a few hours earlier. Eyeing their choices of seating, both Dom and Elijah elected to stand.
How had Dr. McCoy been able to do it? Unconsciously Viggo began pacing the room. Just tell them, and then deal with the fallout. "I… how much…detail do you know about Orlando's abuse?"
"The physical speaks for itself," sighed Dom, rubbing his neck. "We always saw Orlando with bruises and cuts, but it varied; sometimes it was an eye or his jaw, sometimes he was kicked. It depended on Mark's mood."
"Can you get this over with or are you going to tell us how terrible it all is and how desperately sorry you are?" sneered Elijah, as he automatically pulled out a cigarette. Orli had always told him off, said that they would kill him. Now Orli was possibly dying. What would it matter if he coughed his lungs up?
That was enough. Viggo stalked over, looking every inch the `don't fuck with me' Ranger that Elijah almost gulped. Viggo yanked the cigarette out of Elijah's mouth. "It's a `non-smoking area' Elijah, or can't you read among your other talents?" Viggo bit back, fury glistening in eyes. As the condescending words came out, Elijah's eyes narrowed.
"What gives you the fucking right-" Elijah began, his voice icy.
"Orlando gives me the right. I'm here for him," snarled Viggo, his hackles rising.
"Oh right, because he means so much that you just had to rip his heart out. You see Orlando throw up until he's coughing up blood, or when you spend the night rocking Orlando to sleep after *another* nightmare, then tell me you've got the right! You've no fucking idea what you put him through!! You fucking put him here as much as Mark did!" Elijah snarled as he desperately tried to control the fury welling up in him.
"Look, I'm trying but I can't do this if you won't even give me a chance. Just let me get this out. Shit…I…I don't know how to even begin…Dr. McCoy told me- something about the abuse. She… didn't know how much more you could take after hearing all the other… details."
“I doubt there’s anything that we haven’t heard, we lived through the whole thing, there’s nothing she could’ve told us that we didn’t already know” Dom sighed, suddenly looking ten years older. It broke Viggo’s heart; no one should have their innocence stripped away like this.
"We know what happened to Orlando. Anyway, she hardly diluted the details, so what's so different about this?" Elijah asked. Nothing could be worse than seeing your best friend; your virtual brother having the crap beat out of him.
"Do you know exactly what Mark did to Orlando…h-how he abused him?" Viggo asked he could almost feel the bile rise up in his throat.
Please don’t tell me a voice whispered, he didn’t want to see the injuries, hear of them there was a part that still wanted to pretend this had never happened, that it was all some evil dream and that Orlando was really safe and happy. But it wasn’t, he’d seen the still body, the bruises marring his face, gazed at the slowly healing wrist, but there were more he knew, ones that were covered with blankets or by time. That didn’t mean they were gone though, the damage had still been done.
What drove him to know the extent of Orlando’s injuries? Why did he want to torture himself with such information, it would only serve to increase his already burning hatred of Mark, what if this tipped him over the edge, would he try to kill Mark if he heard this, or was there some other, more morbid reason he needed to hear this? Viggo didn’t dare examine the question.
"Boots, fists, stairs, glass, burns, threats, the bastard was always thorough," Dom bit out, his face grim. Viggo resisted the urge to hit something.
"How… far did the abuse go?" Viggo looked at both in turn, keeping his voice steady, calm, reassuring, everything he wasn't feeling.
"Other than having the living shit kicked out of him?" Elijah stated blandly.
"Besides that. Did Mark do anything - else?" he pressed, a note of impatience creeping into his voice.
"He's a vicious sadist, what more do you need to know. As far as I'm concerned nothing can make this worse," Elijah butted in.
"Things can always get worse," Viggo whispered.
"Just how could it get worse, short of him dying? He’s lying in a coma, with possible brain damage and God knows what else, the doctors have no idea if or when he’ll wake up, for all we know, those machines are the only things keeping him alive. Tell me what is worse than that” Dom asked, feeling tears sting his eyes as he finally allowed himself to voice the seriousness of Orlando’s condition, of his terror of loosing his friend weighing heavily on him.
“He’s right. C'mon Viggo, the Doctor obviously saw fit to grace you with some extra information and we deserve some answers," Elijah demanded. Why wouldn't Viggo just tell them? After everything Orlando had been through, shouldn't things get better, light at the tunnel or something like that?
"He raped Orlando," he stated, his voice barely above a whisper, not able to meet their eyes, fearing what he would find there.
Viggo was granted their full attention as a look of disbelief and revulsion spread across Elijah's white face.
"W-what?" Dom whispered, unable to speak.
"Dr. McCoy said it was a regular occurrence." He inwardly cringed at the clinical language, no matter how phrased this would hurt both to hear and to say. Viggo let his words hang in the air for a moment, not sure how to proceed when it was broken with an almost thunderous voice.
"THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!! HOW DARE HE?!!" yelled Elijah, not caring that Viggo winced when he turned to him.
"Fuck this, you're probably lying…there’s no way he would…he couldn’t…not even Mark would…would…." he mentally shuddered.
"It's the truth Elijah. I wish to God it wasn't. Dr. McCoy's got evidence. I'm so sorry." Viggo lowered his as shame ran through him. Shame that he’d been forced to tell Dominic and Elijah something they should never have had to hear, shame that he hadn’t been able to protect Orlando, hadn’t been there for him, shame that he was the ultimate catalyst for this whole situation.
‘Evidence’ the very word made him shudder, he didn’t want to see to even think about that let alone talk about it, but it didn’t stop the horrendous images swarming his mind.
"SORRY?! You think a `sorry' will make things better? You can't do anything; in fact, you've done more than enough! This isn't some fairytale; you're not Aragorn, you can't make anything better. Dom-"
Dominic wasn't listening. He seemed trapped in a world of horror, as if he was witness to a terrible car crash only he could see.
"Dominic…can I-" began Viggo, moving forward to try and comfort him, but Dom quickly darted back as if Viggo had stung him.
"No…" He croaked, shaking his head, as if to clear the terrible images forming in his mind. This wasn't right; Orlando had been through too much already. He wanted nothing more than to throw up. Viggo's attempts at comforting Dom were brought to an abrupt halt by Elijah's shouting.
"HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO ANYONE - TO ORLI?!! FUCKING SICKO…WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM, HE'LL FUCKING WISH HE'D DIED AT BIRTH!!" he thundered.
Without any kind of warning, he balled his fist and punched a hole in the nearest wall. Dom flinched but didn't say anything. Elijah was breathing hard, a bloodied hand hanging limply by his side, seemingly oblivious to the pain, gazing intently at the partially destroyed wall as if it could somehow stop the pain that was welling inside of him.
Viggo went over to Elijah, putting a hand on his shoulder, trying to gently tug him back. Viggo was almost knocked off balance when he was roughly shoved back by the younger man. Elijah spun round, his eyes flashing with ferocity.
“I trusted you! You promised you loved Orli, that you'd protect him. How did you protect him from this? He's been abused and raped, by his BOYFRIEND because you were scared of some SHITTY HOMOPHOBES!! You're a fucking coward Viggo Mortensen. Orli gave you everything, like he gave Mark, but it was NEVER ENOUGH!! He's my friend, my brother. His family have no fucking clue what's going on, Orlando didn’t want them to know, he’d lost almost all his friends, Mark's probably enjoying himself, not giving a shit about Orli, and Orlando is probably DYING right now and I can't help him!!"
"Elijah," began Viggo, trying to placate Elijah.
"Don't you fucking get it, Viggo? It's gonna change everything. Orlando will NEVER be the same again; he'll probably never let anyone ever touch him. Once the press finds out – and believe me they will - they're gonna have a field day. Can you see it: `Gay star abused by boyfriend! All the juicy details inside!'? It's the stuff journalists live for," he sneered, disgust dripping from every word.
"He's going to have his life publicly dissected by those parasitic vultures, and Orli's family gets to read all about it, that's how they're gonna find out. Everyone who loves Orli is gonna suffer, and you think you can play the hero?!" Elijah turned away in disgust and crouched down to Dom's level.
As far as Elijah was concerned, apart from Orli, Dom was the only innocent person in all this shitty business. Slumping down next to Dom, Elijah desperately tried to reign in his anger. As he instinctively reached out to his friend, Dominic backed away, seemingly terrified.
He didn't notice Elijah's hurt expression as Viggo came up but Elijah ignored him, trying to comfort Dominic again, only to be rejected once more, a little more forcefully this time.
Dom didn't speak; he simply shook his head, and moved away. Dom was rocking himself, his head clutched in his hands, a look of absolute horror, disgust and fury mingled on his face as his sobs became incoherent. He could barely think, much less form a coherent sentence. He couldn't explain it to Elijah, or try to soothe him, not now. He hated pushing Elijah away, but he just couldn't handle… anything, not right now, not when his own heart had been so thoroughly ripped to shreds.
God, he should have known; there'd been enough signs. How could he have been so blind?! Was rape really a far step for abuse? Honestly, it should've been obvious, how Orlando acted, how he started refusing to do any romantic film scenes or wear anything remotely sexy.
He'd seen Orli get nervous when people chatted him up, or how he'd begun to unconsciously flinch whenever anyone touched him. He wanted to scream in frustration and horror, but no sound would come out.
Elijah looked at his friend in absolute disbelief. Dominic had never rejected him before. Why was Dominic pushing him away now, when he so obviously needed his friends? When he needed Dominic so much? Did some part of Dominic blame himself, or even Elijah?
He just stared at Dom, crying and shaking, rocking himself against the wall. In the years he'd known Dominic, he'd never seen his friend lose control like this. Viggo stood in the middle of the room, looking between the two men, feeling lost. He wanted to comfort Elijah and Dom, but neither would let him near them. What could he do? Lie, tell them it wasn't real? That bad things like that didn't happen, not to good people like Orlando?
"Please don't turn me away Dom," Elijah urged as he sat down next to Dom. It amazed Viggo to see Elijah, who not minutes ago had been swelled with rage, become tender and concerned towards his friend.
Still no response, Dom just turned his head away, not looking up as he tightened his grip around his legs, his head buried in his lap. The sobs were silent now, but the shaking could still be seen in a silent testimony to Dom's agony. Elijah looked at Dom, confused as to how to proceed. Right now Dom was the only person he could bear to look at without an all- consuming rage within him, and now Dom was rejecting him. He was only trying to help, why couldn't Dom see that?
"Easy Elijah, just give him some space," Viggo suggested.
"In case you've forgotten, I've dealt with this for four fucking years. I don't appreciate you barging in with your Zen attitude when you've got NO idea what I've… what we've, been going through. I've gone through just as much as Dom in this shit, and if he wants to close himself off, fine! I'm going for a fag. With any luck I might actually die before I get too old to care about friend's well- being!" Viggo moved forward
"Look, I know you're angry, I just want to help. I'm here if-" Elijah's eyes held a mixture of fury and disbelief. "Lij, I know you're angry, you have every right to be-" Elijah's eyes hardened at Viggo's words.
"Don't call me Lij, I'm not your `buddy'. You think I'm angry? Anger doesn't even begin to cover what I feel so don't even try to understand, or try to baby me; I'm not a child, I know how the world works."
"I want to help you. I didn't tell you because I wanted to hurt you, but I felt you had a right to know." Elijah couldn't take any more as he strode over to the door.
"Please Elijah, just wait," Viggo jumped up and without thinking grabbing Elijah's arm, to stop him from wrenching the door handle off.
"Get the fuck off me!" hissed Elijah with such venom it was almost palpable.
"Elijah-" began Viggo, his tone lowering in warning. Elijah let out a humourless laugh.
"Oh threats, that'll work. Well, Orlando quickly caught on, behave or bruise. Simple enough really-"
"Elijah, I know this is hurting you-“
“Oh you want to psych me, is that is, well go ahead Dr fucking Mortensen, try and get inside my head and feel my pain, empathise with me, you’re good at that”
“Elijah, just…just shut up, for once in your life, just…look this isn’t my fault. I didn’t abuse or rape Orli-“
“No you just let Mark do it. Don’t you get it? If you hadn’t left Mark wouldn’t be an issue, you destroyed him when you abandoned him Viggo, he felt he was only good enough for scum like Mark – you’ve done this to him!”
“How can you say that?!? I loved him…I still love him Elijah! I never wanted him to be anything but happy-“
“You are fucking crazy! Orlando would’ve done anything for you, you bastard! You have no idea what Mark put him through whenever anyone mentioned your name – remember that interview you gave, you mentioned Orli? Mark beat the shit out of him, said Orli was going to leave him for you. Every time you mentioned him Mark kicked him, he wore fucking boots Viggo, kicked him in the stomach, the chest -"
”Stop it…just stop. I don’t want to hear this."
“Tough. You caused this, every injury is there because of you, Orlando tried to kill himself because he thought you didn’t give a shit about him, when he’d give up so much…you made him want to die Viggo, not even Mark could do that…how does that feel?”
“I swear to God if you don’t shut up I’ll fucking…”
"You’ll what? Hit me, punch me, hurt me cause I hurt you? Isn't that what people do, what you do to people you care about, you hurt them? C'mon then Viggo, you're a big, strong man - I'm an easy target aren't I, just like Orlando, I’m vulnerable, I can’t protect myself, remember?"
Truthfully for a moment Viggo wanted to hit him, grab and shake some sense into him, but would he have reacted any differently? In truth, he deserved at least some of Elijah's venomous anger.
"It definitely calmed Orlando down. It's amazing what a few punches will get you. What are you waiting for Viggo? Oh that's right, you don't hit, you're too noble to hit anyone, just like Aragorn."
"Stop it!" muttered Dominic, from his position on the floor. Dom looked up and Elijah wanted nothing more than to hug him, soothe away his hurt, but he also wanted to cry; Dom was empty… lost.
"Please…just… don't. This is about Orli, not who's to blame. Save your hatred for Mark, Lij, please," he whispered, a note of pleading in his voice. Elijah looked chagrined; he'd been so wrapped up in his anger, convinced only his hurt mattered. What about poor Dom?
How could he ignore his Sblomie? He suddenly felt ashamed of those venomous words to Viggo, he knew how cruel they were, how blatantly untrue. Viggo might have screwed up, badly, but he had never hurt Orlando, or anyone else. He’d treated Orlando with the most respect and love Elijah had ever seen from another person, it was another reason why he had loved them together, because Orlando had been truly happy, he trusted Viggo implicitly, a trust which his former girlfriend, Shannon, had shattered.
She had betrayed him – slept with a friend while he was filming the Rings, then dumped him by phone, asking to be ‘friends.’ Viggo had picked up the pieces of his shattered friend’s heart and mended it, promised to never harm Orlando, yet he had, more than he would ever truly know, but he didn’t deserve to hear that from Elijah and looking at Viggo’s stricken face he already deeply regretted his harsh words.
To hear from Viggo that Mark had violated Orli, he just saw red. "God, I'm sorry Dom, and you too Vig, I shouldn’t have said that. This whole shit isn’t your fault, you didn’t know what would happen...I just…when you said…I wanted…I was…fuck! I’m so sorry Viggo, I can be such a bastard at times, I know that"
"Don’t worry about it, I should’ve expected it…It'll be ok, I promise" Viggo whispered, looking up at Elijah, his face offering no blame to the younger man and tenativly offered a sad smile which was returned by Elijah. Walking over to the two hobbits, seeking to offer comfort, Viggo cautiously laying a hand on Dom's shoulder.
"How? Orli could still die. I can't let him die Viggo," Elijah's voice lowered considerably for what seemed the first time in hours, his anger seemed to have exhausted itself. Viggo felt his heart constrict. It's a wonder he could still feel at all.
"He won't die. We'll help Orli and each other," he kept his voice low.
"You can't promise that Viggo," came the quiet reply. At last Viggo allowed his own tears to fall as he was forced to face the truth of Elijah's words.
"I'm so sorry, Orli. I never wanted to hurt you," he whispered, gazing off into the distance as the tears slid down his face. Elijah stood for a moment, not knowing what to do as he stared at Dom and Viggo lying on the floor, almost as if the wall was supporting them. Seeing the look of utter devastation and sorrow on Viggo's face made his gut twist. How had Mark managed to wreck so many lives? Without pausing, Elijah reached out to touch Dominic, being prepared for a rebuff. It didn't come, and Elijah felt himself sag in relief. He feared that he'd lost Dom to the sorrow that had seemed to eat him up.
"I love you Lijah. I…I didn't mean to push you away, I just…feel so lost," he whispered as tears streaked down his face, a look of utter misery visible. "There's nothing to forgive," he soothed; he couldn't be angry with Dom. Viggo stared into space as the words tumbled from his lips.
"When… Dom told me about Orli's attempted suicide, I wanted to die myself. I couldn't understand why Orli would do that, then I heard about the abuse and then the rapes and I wanted to crawl away, to hide and I hated myself even more for that. You've always been there for Orlando, when I should've been. Don't ever think you've let Orlando down in any way, either of you. If it weren't for you both, Orlando would be dead. I want to make amends with Orlando, if he'll let me. I want him back in my life, however much he'll allow."
There was a long silence after Viggo's speech. He'd bared his soul to them and he hoped this would help them begin to trust him again. He didn't want to fight. He felt as lost and hurt as they did. He wasn't sure how much longer he could do this; he was crumbling, slowly. Elijah pulled Dom close to him, trying to offer what little comfort he could.
"Remember that morning, after the Reunion. He was so quiet; he had bruises then. That's probably when it started. I don't know what set Mark off, maybe he just flipped," Elijah offered. There was a horrible pause as Viggo felt his heart clench at Elijah's words. Didn't they know?
"I met Orlando at the reunion," he blurted. The two men looked up and stared at him as if he'd just announced he was pregnant.
"Wait…you…and Orlando met, at the reunion, with Mark. We should've taken Orli home with us. We all saw how angry Mark was… that's probably when it all started," whispered Elijah, his eyes brimming with tears. This was so much worse, knowing that they could probably pinpoint the exact time the abuse began.
*** flashback ***
Orlando was curled listlessly on the bed, not moving. His entire body ached in a way he never thought possible, it wasn’t the ache of tired limbs that he was used to, this ache seeped deep from his skin into his bones, his very heart.
A well of tears rose again, biting his lip hard Orlando couldn’t stop them as they rolled down his checks. Flashes of the previous night came back to him and he felt the taste of bile rise up in his mouth. Rushing to the bathroom, he emptied the contents of his stomach, and probably half his stomach lining as well.
He glanced at his reflection in the small mirror and shuddered. Bruises were beginning to form around his neck and shoulders, a vivid testimony to what had happened last night, yet his heart and soul rejected it, screamed at him that Mark loved him, but the evidence was there.
A silent, stubborn sign of what he couldn't even admit to himself; to admit it would make it real, and Orlando couldn't stand that, not ever. He felt so dirty and tired, a terrible self-loathing hanging over him. No matter how much he'd showered, nothing would shift it, like a lingering stench, choking him. Mark had sworn it was for Orlando's own good, he'd been left with no option, he hadn’t wanted to hurt Orlando, hadn’t want to harm him.
Was that true? Did he deserve the pain Mark had put him through? He promised Orlando it was cleansing him, making him Mark's again. He’d shouted at Orlando, belittled him, cursed him in more ways than Orlando thought possible, it had all been Orlando’s fault Mark had told him, all because of the party and that Orlando couldn’t control himself. Orlando had tried to listen and then got angry, trying to leave.
Mark had decided words hadn’t been enough to get his feelings across. Harsh words had turned to actions and then the real pain had begun…and no amount of apologising and sobbing would make it stop.
Orlando could have sworn Mark spat out `Viggo' in between his tirades at Orlando, blaming him. But by the end he'd cried, begged Orlando to forgive him. He'd hurt so much, every part of him ached and burned, and not in a good way this was not the aftermath of a lover’s caress or a night of passion, there was nothing good or comforting about the pain he was in, it was unlike anything he’d ever felt before.
He'd tried to absolve Mark when he’d cried, he’s tried so hard, but no words had come out; for the first time Orlando hadn't been able to speak, the pain had been too much. He'd turned on his side, allowing the tears to fall, praying Mark wouldn't notice. He'd tried not to cringe when Mark had pulled him close, whispering meaningless endearments in his ear.
The tears wouldn’t stop falling and the pain didn’t ebb away. Orlando wasn't an expert in male relationships but he knew enough to know this wasn't right. He shouldn't hurt like this, not so badly or for so long. He'd never hurt with Viggo, he mused. Viggo had always treated him like glass, slowly worshipping him like an idol, whispering Orlando was his god, his perfection.
Orlando had never understood that. Orlando wasn't an idol. He was human. Viggo had always put him on a pedestal, too high, too unstable and now he'd fallen, hard. It seemed so long ago, like he was another person; a young man so full of laughter and innocence, curls glistening and his eyes dancing with untold mischief and love. Now those same eyes were dead. Idol, what a joke, he snorted disdainfully at himself. If Viggo could see him now, his godhood was stripped to reveal what? A mortal.
He couldn't stop Mark last night, and he couldn't face his friends now, what did that make him? Was he turning into Paris the cowardly prince? He’d never really considered himself as such, always tried to tackle his problems head on, but it was different this time, it was something he seemed unable to fight, because he couldn’t even seem to wrap his head around what happened. All he knew was he hurt, a lot, that Mark had hurt him and he didn’t know why.
In his mind he was so terrified of rejection he'd let Mark do what he wanted. Viggo’s dissertation had shattered him in ways even Elijah and Dom didn’t know about. He knew Mark loved him, and was liable to get a bit…rough at times, but that could be forgiven, it was simply part of his nature, maybe he’d gone slightly too far last night. Mark said he loved him. Maybe he showed it in a different way. That had to be it; he loved Orlando, he'd said it, held him and promised to never let him go. That had convinced Orlando. He didn't want to be left alone, to be unloved…unlovable. Viggo didn't love him anymore, that was certain; he'd practically ran away from him last night, but not before giving him a look of pity. That was all that Viggo considered worthy of him now. Pity. To have someone who claimed to have loved you so deeply look at you like a hurt puppy…it had crushed him. He'd been so convinced he was over Viggo.
He would never be over Viggo, and he hated it. It wasn't fair to Mark, who loved him, who stayed with him. He didn't deserve someone with a broken heart. He was shaken out of his self-recrimination by the doorbell ringing rather incessantly. Orlando cringed. He couldn't face the outside world in any form at the moment. Heading back to the bed, a source of comfort and infinite pain all at once, he hoped they'd give up and leave. He tried not to make a sound as he felt tears prick his eyes and harshly brushed them away.
The bell stopped and Orlando breathed a sigh of relief, until he heard the lock wrangle and someone let themselves in. He felt his heart pound and tried desperately to fight the urge to hide under the covers. Making an effort to control his quivering mussels, he sat rigidly silent on the bed and waited.
"Oi! Orli, get your skinny butt down here," came a voice. Elijah. He cursed the day he'd given his friends the spare key.
"Orli, mate, you here?" No reply. "Orlando?" came another voice. That was Dom. He should’ve guessed those two would turn up sometime. It seemed it was impossible for them to go through a day without some form of contact or communication. Normally he loved that, but right now he just felt an overwhelming urge to hide, or run.
Maybe he had time to jump out the window, would anyone notice? He silently congratulated himself for getting dressed earlier that morning, how he’d managed that, since he was shaking at the time, he was still unsure.
"Can you hear us?" bellowed Elijah’s voice, Orlando winced. How could he not? Dom came in first, with Elijah trotting behind. Trust them to choose the bedroom as the first place to look; they really knew him too well.
"Are you OK Orlando?" he asked, a look of concern painted on his face, as he looked at his friend on the bed, barely moving, his posture rigid. Very unlike Orlando, he seemed…smaller somehow. Dom couldn’t quite explain it but it left an unsettled feeling in his stomach.
"I'm fine, just tired. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I've got a lot on my mind. What are you guys doing here?" Orlando asked, not looking up, anything he could do to deflect attention away from him was good. Unfortunately, Elijah was nothing if not an observant little bugger, and would immediately pick up on something out of place. Dom was almost as bad; he had this way of looking at someone, sussing out the truth. How annoying. Of all the people that could have called on him today, why did it have to be sodding Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson in training? Bloody wonderful.
"Just you had to leave really quickly last night. I said I'd try and organise something today, remember?" Dom said, beginning to feel rather uneasy. Orlando was hiding something from them, but what?
"How's Mark?" Elijah butted in. Dom wanted to throttle his friend. Normally it would be considered a civilised question, but Elijah's tone made it anything but civilised. At Mark's name, Orlando unconsciously fidgeted, and Dom noticed how pained he looked. What the hell was going on? Had they fought last night? Dom wasn’t blind, he’d seen them argue over something last night, what had happened?
"He's fine, he had to leave really early for work. Why?" Orlando tried to keep his voice level. Elijah eyed him carefully, taking in Orlando's reactions; the fiddling hands…were they shaking? The lack of colour in his face, the ridged unnatural posture was so unlike Orli. Elijah was worried, this wasn’t his Orli. Where had his friend full of laughter and energy gone? Elijah had a nasty feeling that Mark had done something to extinguish that last night. If he had hurt Orlando in any way, by God he would suffer, and Elijah would take great pleasure in carrying that out.
What Orlando saw in the bastard was beyond Elijah. All he saw was an arrogant, controlling anti-social ass. Orlando claimed he was different when they were alone ‘sure I’ll bet that’s what serial killer’s wives say as well’ he’d thought. Personally he couldn’t quite accept that, unless Mark was suffering from some sort of radical Jekyll/Hyde syndrome, personally Elijah was sure it all boiled down to, essentially, that Mark was a bastard, no matter who was with him.
"Oh, no reason. He just looked a bit… annoyed last night. I got the impression he wanted to get going," Elijah said, widening his eyes in fake innocence. Under other circumstances, Orlando would have laughed but he felt himself squirm instead. A horrible chill was creeping up his spine. Dominic nudged Elijah none to gently in the ribs, causing a scowl from the younger man. "We were just worried that's all."
"Well you needn't be. I'm fine, everything's fine, why wouldn't it be? We had a fight, that's it. Couples row, we made up, end of story!" Orlando exclaimed, his words coming harsher than he'd intended. Both Elijah and Dom looked a little shocked. Elijah noticed Orlando was clamming up, which was not good. Friends didn't keep secrets, did they? "Look, Orlando, if there's something you're hiding-"
"Stop it Elijah!! You're my friend, not my bloody keeper. Just stay out of it, will you?!" he demanded, becoming more than a little flustered and pissed off with Elijah's constant questioning. "I couldn't sleep last night. I'm exhausted, plus I've got a nasty hangover, happy?" "You didn't drink, remember? You stuck to water, and the last time I checked water doesn't give you a hangover," Elijah challenged, a rather triumphant sound in his voice. Orlando looked like he'd choked on a lemon and wanted nothing more than to bolt.
"Elijah, just leave it OK? Orli clearly doesn't want us around at the moment," sighed Dom, and for some reason that made Orlando feel even worse. It wasn't their fault Mark was mad. They were just trying to help. "I'm sorry, both of you. I just feel really grotty and tired; it's nothing personal, I swear. I'm just not good company today and I've been busy feeling sorry for myself." There, good performance.
They didn't need to know how terrible he felt, that he wanted to crawl under a rock and die; that he could barely look at his friends anymore. His control was hanging by a thread. If they didn't leave he was going to start crying, telling them he was scared, but he couldn't do that to his friends. Dom would be pushing him out the door if he knew what had happened, and he had to stay, sort things out. Viggo had quit over their relationship, and Orlando wasn't going to do that with Mark. If he hadn't met Viggo last night nothing would have happened. Even far away Viggo managed to screw up his life. Elijah looked most unhappy about the whole situation. "Just come out for a drink or something Orli," he cajoled. Why was Orlando acting like this? He just couldn't understand it. "Everyone misses their prissy elf." Orlando shook his head firmly.
"I'm too tired Elijah, sorry." Dom looked around the room, resisting the urge to crinkle his face. He watched Orlando fiddle with the blanket, noticing how his friend's fingers trembled; the sweater seemed ridiculously big for Orlando's slight frame. As Orlando fiddled, the sleeves rolled up slightly and Dom caught a glance of Orli's wrist; there was definitely bruising on it. He frowned at that, just how much of a `row' had they had last night?
Elijah moved easily towards the bed and plonked himself down as if he owned it. He'd helped Orlando pick it out, shortly after he arrived in New Zealand. For a moment Elijah said nothing, kicking his legs against the bed, humming deliberately off key. Dom was looking decidedly confused. What was the little git playing at?
"Have you eaten today?" Elijah suddenly asked conversationally. Startled by the question, Orlando shook his head dumbly. He didn't know whether he could hold any food down right now. "Great! Me and Dommie-boy are taking you out for a real meal. No buts. My treat, you're all skin and bones. There is nothing to eat here, ‘cept that veggie crap you call `food'. C'mon, get up," he urged, pulling on Orlando's arm, which was presently shrinking away. "I'm not hungry-" began Orli, but Elijah shook his head firmly. "I know you’re not but I don’t care, you’re going to eat! Best friends look out for each other. Look, you'll feel better if you eat something. You can't live on rabbit food all your life. I want some company, besides Dom," he wheedled, yanking harder on Orlando's sweater.
As Orlando pulled away, his sweater rolled up, exposing his arm to his friends. A dead silence fell over the room, and Orlando looked away, ashamed. Elijah had a grim smile on his face. He'd seen! Dom didn't know whether to yell or hug him. "What's going on Orlando? Did Mark hurt you-"
"Mark has nothing to do with it. He doesn't know; I didn't want to worry him," Orlando whispered, not looking up. Elijah reached up and hugged Orlando, noticing, rather unhappily, that Orlando froze. "OK so you say Mark's innocent, fine, but something's up Orlando. Don't try and pull a load of bull with us, please."
"He's right Orli. If you don't want to talk right now, that's OK. We're always here for you no matter what. We love you, you know that, right? C'mon get changed, we'll wait for you," Dom said, his voice soothing and comforting. Dom had that affect on people. Slowly he nodded. He couldn't stay here, not right now; he was scared to be alone. He could go somewhere else; pretend home felt safe from a distance.
No one spoke while Orlando changed into a random sweater. Turning back he looked at his friends and smiled slightly as he ran a hand through his hair, trying to make it behave. Taking his keys, he debated about leaving a note for Mark. Mark wouldn't be happy if he didn't know where Orli was, but even less happy if he did. Suddenly, looking at his friend's concerned expressions, Orlando found he didn't care. They said they'd always be there for him, and he knew that was true, they would be there even if Mark left, he wouldn’t be alone. If Mark was angry about him going out, so be it he would face the consequences either way. He didn't leave a note for Mark as he walked out the door with Dom and Elijah flanking him, rather like mini-bodyguards.
He vaguely wondered if he could call his home `safe' again.
Viggo, Dominic and Elijah had been sitting silently in the doctor's room for over half an hour, struggling to come to terms with this new information. "My meeting Orli at the…I never liked the fucking bastard when I met him," Viggo sighed, a bitter grin on his face. "Of course then it was petty jealousy. I should have looked more closely."
"And have Beanie lecture you about `ex's decorum'?" teased Dom. It seemed too easy to fall back into the old pattern of their friendship. "If it's any consolation, I hated him with a fiery vengeance when I met him too," Elijah offered, no shame in his voice.
"Don't let Elijah kid you. He was still sore you and Orli weren't together," Dom sighed. "I thought he was just being a stubborn git, more so than usual. He gave Kate hell too."
"I had justifiable cause," Elijah said haughtily. Viggo smiled slightly. Hearing them banter like this, it was almost as if nothing had changed. Lord knows he was more than willing to turn his back on reality.
"She was blond and too perky. What was I supposed to do?" he shrugged. "You really liked me and Orli together?" Viggo suddenly spoke up, curiosity tingeing his voice. Elijah nodded seriously. "You guys were always so happy together. I can’t remember the last time I saw Orli as happy as when he was with you, you just…fitted together somehow. It was the break-up you seriously fucked up, not the relationship."
"Thanks. I think," Viggo whispered, looking off into the distance.
"Anytime, Vi," Elijah smirked, this time no anger or maliciousness was attached to it.
"Don't call me that, Ellie," Viggo warned, a grin plastering his face.
"Sure, smelly ranger."
"Pervy hobbit."
"Would-be king."
"Pansy assed halfling."
`Elf screwer' almost tumbled from Elijah's lips, but he caught himself just in time. There was no need to make things worse.
As the name-calling went back and forth, Dom found himself smiling, truly smiling since he found Orlando. What made him smile the most, though, were Viggo and Elijah, because they were smiling too. "When are we going to tell the Bloom women?" Elijah sighed, his tone turning serious again.
Before Viggo could think of a reply, there was a gentle knock on the door. How long had they been in here anyway? Probably too long. He kept forgetting the hospital was public. A soft cough interrupted them. As they looked up, they found Dr. McCoy standing there, a small smile on her face. She felt a rush of relief when the three men before her smiled, real smiles that lit up their eyes. Seeing the devotion to Orlando was heart-warming and heartbreaking all at once.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Orlando's waking up. He started coming around about ten minutes ago." At this, three heads shot up in disbelief. "H-he's awake?! Can we see him?" asked Elijah, jumping up with an unbridled enthusiasm, his eyes sparkling with relief and gratitude.
"Yes, but not for long. He's still very groggy, so don't expect summersaults from him." She smiled. "But before we go, I just want you to be prepared …he doesn't look good. Don't push him for details or reasons, just…be there for him," she offered, as she stood aside.
"I'll be along in a moment." The two younger men practically fell out the door in their haste to see their friend. Viggo walked slower, an all-consuming dread welling up within him. This was it, time to face reality. "Aren't you going to visit Orlando?" she queried. He'd had spent hours by Orlando. Why wasn't he with his friends? "I don't want to crowd Orlando," he offered with a shaky smile.
"You want to avoid a surprise reunion?" she offered with a wry smile. "I'm assuming you've talked about Orlando?" she asked, and received a nod of affirmation.
"He's going to get through this, he's a fighter," Viggo smiled wistfully. "He always was."
"It's not my business, but I really think you should be there too. If not for your own peace of mind, then for your friends; they need support as well." Viggo nodded slowly. To see Orlando one last time, awake and alive.
"I…umm…thank you," he offered simply, a tentative smile gracing his lips, as he walked down the hall, trying not to run, either to or away from Orlando.
Dr. McCoy sighed as she saw him walk away. Maybe this tale would have a happy ending. She could hope; it's what people did best, after all.
Author: Imogen
Disclaimer: Don’t know them. Completely made up. No profit made
Rating NC-17 (eventually)
Pairing VigOrli (central pairing); Orlando/OC; Orlando/Kate
Summary: Abuse ruins everyone’s lives. Who picks up the pieces?
Warnings: Domestic abuse, rape, violence, attempted suicide
Feedback Oh please!!! Yes!!!
Viggo clenched and unclenched his hands, he’s lost track of how many hours he’d sat here gazing at Orlando’s still form. Hearing the blips and whirs of the machines offered him no comfort, only served to remind him, once again what a mess he’d made of things.
“The doctors said I should try to talk to you, keep you in touch with the world. I don’t know if it does any good, can you hear me Orli? I hope not. I don’t want you to hear what I’m saying, that I know what you went through. All of it, even what Mark…did when you were alone...I know. She…Dr McCoy told me Orli, she wanted to help, I swear. I’m supposed to tell them about it, do they know Orli, did they find out or guess...” his voice trailed off.
Viggo was stunned by how his monotonous his voice sounded, he could’ve been reading a weather report rather than talking to his abused, comatosed ex-lover. Why did other people never seem to have to deal with this type of shit?
He knew he had to tell them. But telling Dominic and Elijah that Mark had repeatedly raped Orlando…that scared him. Of course, there was always the possibility they already knew. They knew Orlando was being abused, they had all but witnessed it, that much was obvious, but did they know about the rapes? If they didn't, they had a right to know. They were Orlando’s friends, his family. He looked at Orlando's still form for a moment, seeking some kind of answer, but all he heard were the blips of the machine.
"God. I can't fucking do this Orlando! I’m not strong enough…this is killing them, seeing you like this. Dom and Lij are so frightened, Elijah thinks you’re going to die…I can’t…you can’t die Orli, they need you too much…I need you. God, why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve helped Orlando, I swear, I would’ve done anything I could! Why couldn’t you hold on for a bit longer…why didn’t you let anyone help you?!”
Unable to look at the array of machines for a moment he hung his head, letting out a frustrated sigh.
“The irony is, I'm scared of you waking up, because I'm afraid you'll hate me; hate me for telling Dom and Elijah about… see, I can't even say it to you! Dr. McCoy told me. Don't blame her; she's trying to help, I know you won’t believe that but it’s true. It wasn't your fault, please believe that. No one blames you, I promise."
He paused, reaching down to stroke Orlando's curls, his forehead. No response. Despite his fear of Orlando waking, Viggo was beginning to think that time would never come to pass, with each passing day, with each hour, his hope was slowly slipping away and he felt numb, the idea of loosing Orlando, even this shell that his Orli had become, terrified him to such a degree he didn’t dare consider it. After a brief pause, he continued.
"You know, I kept wondering if you were happier with Mark. I hoped you weren't; God that sounds awful, but I swear, I never wanted you to be hurt by him. Please believe that angel, I just couldn't stand the idea of someone loving you more than I did, than I still do, to accept that it was really over, that you'd moved on. I'm so, so sorry Orli. Please forgive me, angel," he whispered, his throat catching.
He remembered Orlando had once told him that he'd never love anyone the way he loved Viggo, at the time Viggo had simply smiled, pulling Orlando into a deep kiss. He realised now, he’d never truly accepted the depths of Orlando’s love for him. Convincing himself that it was a crush, youthful ‘puppy love’ that Orlando would eventually grow out of, but he didn't. He’d never once given the slightest indication he wanted someone other than Viggo, and Orlando’s devastated expression upon their break-up had confirmed all of Viggo’s worst fears; Orlando had truly been in love with him.
He knew how that he’d always underestimated the depth of Orlando’s love; it wasn’t that he didn’t believe him, but Orlando had been so young that it seemed impossible to conceive that Orlando had found his ‘soul mate’ at the age of twenty-two. Whatever it was, it was a love deep enough to still affect Orlando, to cause such pain. Did Orlando still mean that, still believe it?
Did he ever think about Viggo, or miss him the way Viggo did. How much did Orlando love Mark, had Mark ever loved Orlando or been entranced by a beautiful face? Did Mark know everything about Orlando?
Did he know how Orlando constantly fiddled with his rings when he was nervous, how he took no milk but five tons of sugar in his coffee or that he mewled sometimes in his sleep? Did Mark make sure to buy Orlando’s favourite biscuits that he only took with herbal tea? Did Orlando snuggle up to Mark at night, arms wrapped around the crook of his arm, legs entwined, as if trying to bury himself, like he'd done with Viggo? He hoped not, he didn't want Mark to know Orlando the way he did. He'd given Orlando to Mark and he hated himself for it. It had taken all of his self-control to not punch Mark just for being with Orlando. He realised at that moment, at the reunion, exactly what he'd lost, what he'd probably never regain.
He let his hand linger for a moment. A small part of Viggo didn't want Orlando to wake up for two reasons. Orlando was bound to be in pain, and he didn't want to see him like that, and the other reason was that once he was awake, Viggo couldn't touch him anymore. Orlando would want him out of his life for good. He couldn't blame him; it was the least he deserved. As long as Orlando slept, he was safe. They were both safe, Viggo from rejection and Orlando from reality.
"He looks so peaceful," came Dom's wistful voice from the door. Elijah was hovering by the side, looking suspiciously like a ghost. Viggo jumped and quickly pulled away his hand, mentally cursing himself.
"How long have you guys been here?"
"Long enough. What do you know?" Lij stated, looking directly at Viggo. This was it. There was no way he could duck out of this.
"We need to go somewhere private," he insisted. Dom looked puzzled as a frown spread across his face.
"I don't want to leave Orlando, he needs someone with him," Elijah argued, a glare spreading across his face.
"This is important Elijah! The nurses are keeping an eye on him. If something happens they'll let us know," Viggo reasoned, trying to keep his voice level, but also interject the right amount of pleading. Reluctantly Elijah nodded and both men followed Viggo to the office where his world had collapsed just a few hours earlier. Eyeing their choices of seating, both Dom and Elijah elected to stand.
How had Dr. McCoy been able to do it? Unconsciously Viggo began pacing the room. Just tell them, and then deal with the fallout. "I… how much…detail do you know about Orlando's abuse?"
"The physical speaks for itself," sighed Dom, rubbing his neck. "We always saw Orlando with bruises and cuts, but it varied; sometimes it was an eye or his jaw, sometimes he was kicked. It depended on Mark's mood."
"Can you get this over with or are you going to tell us how terrible it all is and how desperately sorry you are?" sneered Elijah, as he automatically pulled out a cigarette. Orli had always told him off, said that they would kill him. Now Orli was possibly dying. What would it matter if he coughed his lungs up?
That was enough. Viggo stalked over, looking every inch the `don't fuck with me' Ranger that Elijah almost gulped. Viggo yanked the cigarette out of Elijah's mouth. "It's a `non-smoking area' Elijah, or can't you read among your other talents?" Viggo bit back, fury glistening in eyes. As the condescending words came out, Elijah's eyes narrowed.
"What gives you the fucking right-" Elijah began, his voice icy.
"Orlando gives me the right. I'm here for him," snarled Viggo, his hackles rising.
"Oh right, because he means so much that you just had to rip his heart out. You see Orlando throw up until he's coughing up blood, or when you spend the night rocking Orlando to sleep after *another* nightmare, then tell me you've got the right! You've no fucking idea what you put him through!! You fucking put him here as much as Mark did!" Elijah snarled as he desperately tried to control the fury welling up in him.
"Look, I'm trying but I can't do this if you won't even give me a chance. Just let me get this out. Shit…I…I don't know how to even begin…Dr. McCoy told me- something about the abuse. She… didn't know how much more you could take after hearing all the other… details."
“I doubt there’s anything that we haven’t heard, we lived through the whole thing, there’s nothing she could’ve told us that we didn’t already know” Dom sighed, suddenly looking ten years older. It broke Viggo’s heart; no one should have their innocence stripped away like this.
"We know what happened to Orlando. Anyway, she hardly diluted the details, so what's so different about this?" Elijah asked. Nothing could be worse than seeing your best friend; your virtual brother having the crap beat out of him.
"Do you know exactly what Mark did to Orlando…h-how he abused him?" Viggo asked he could almost feel the bile rise up in his throat.
Please don’t tell me a voice whispered, he didn’t want to see the injuries, hear of them there was a part that still wanted to pretend this had never happened, that it was all some evil dream and that Orlando was really safe and happy. But it wasn’t, he’d seen the still body, the bruises marring his face, gazed at the slowly healing wrist, but there were more he knew, ones that were covered with blankets or by time. That didn’t mean they were gone though, the damage had still been done.
What drove him to know the extent of Orlando’s injuries? Why did he want to torture himself with such information, it would only serve to increase his already burning hatred of Mark, what if this tipped him over the edge, would he try to kill Mark if he heard this, or was there some other, more morbid reason he needed to hear this? Viggo didn’t dare examine the question.
"Boots, fists, stairs, glass, burns, threats, the bastard was always thorough," Dom bit out, his face grim. Viggo resisted the urge to hit something.
"How… far did the abuse go?" Viggo looked at both in turn, keeping his voice steady, calm, reassuring, everything he wasn't feeling.
"Other than having the living shit kicked out of him?" Elijah stated blandly.
"Besides that. Did Mark do anything - else?" he pressed, a note of impatience creeping into his voice.
"He's a vicious sadist, what more do you need to know. As far as I'm concerned nothing can make this worse," Elijah butted in.
"Things can always get worse," Viggo whispered.
"Just how could it get worse, short of him dying? He’s lying in a coma, with possible brain damage and God knows what else, the doctors have no idea if or when he’ll wake up, for all we know, those machines are the only things keeping him alive. Tell me what is worse than that” Dom asked, feeling tears sting his eyes as he finally allowed himself to voice the seriousness of Orlando’s condition, of his terror of loosing his friend weighing heavily on him.
“He’s right. C'mon Viggo, the Doctor obviously saw fit to grace you with some extra information and we deserve some answers," Elijah demanded. Why wouldn't Viggo just tell them? After everything Orlando had been through, shouldn't things get better, light at the tunnel or something like that?
"He raped Orlando," he stated, his voice barely above a whisper, not able to meet their eyes, fearing what he would find there.
Viggo was granted their full attention as a look of disbelief and revulsion spread across Elijah's white face.
"W-what?" Dom whispered, unable to speak.
"Dr. McCoy said it was a regular occurrence." He inwardly cringed at the clinical language, no matter how phrased this would hurt both to hear and to say. Viggo let his words hang in the air for a moment, not sure how to proceed when it was broken with an almost thunderous voice.
"THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!! HOW DARE HE?!!" yelled Elijah, not caring that Viggo winced when he turned to him.
"Fuck this, you're probably lying…there’s no way he would…he couldn’t…not even Mark would…would…." he mentally shuddered.
"It's the truth Elijah. I wish to God it wasn't. Dr. McCoy's got evidence. I'm so sorry." Viggo lowered his as shame ran through him. Shame that he’d been forced to tell Dominic and Elijah something they should never have had to hear, shame that he hadn’t been able to protect Orlando, hadn’t been there for him, shame that he was the ultimate catalyst for this whole situation.
‘Evidence’ the very word made him shudder, he didn’t want to see to even think about that let alone talk about it, but it didn’t stop the horrendous images swarming his mind.
"SORRY?! You think a `sorry' will make things better? You can't do anything; in fact, you've done more than enough! This isn't some fairytale; you're not Aragorn, you can't make anything better. Dom-"
Dominic wasn't listening. He seemed trapped in a world of horror, as if he was witness to a terrible car crash only he could see.
"Dominic…can I-" began Viggo, moving forward to try and comfort him, but Dom quickly darted back as if Viggo had stung him.
"No…" He croaked, shaking his head, as if to clear the terrible images forming in his mind. This wasn't right; Orlando had been through too much already. He wanted nothing more than to throw up. Viggo's attempts at comforting Dom were brought to an abrupt halt by Elijah's shouting.
"HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO ANYONE - TO ORLI?!! FUCKING SICKO…WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM, HE'LL FUCKING WISH HE'D DIED AT BIRTH!!" he thundered.
Without any kind of warning, he balled his fist and punched a hole in the nearest wall. Dom flinched but didn't say anything. Elijah was breathing hard, a bloodied hand hanging limply by his side, seemingly oblivious to the pain, gazing intently at the partially destroyed wall as if it could somehow stop the pain that was welling inside of him.
Viggo went over to Elijah, putting a hand on his shoulder, trying to gently tug him back. Viggo was almost knocked off balance when he was roughly shoved back by the younger man. Elijah spun round, his eyes flashing with ferocity.
“I trusted you! You promised you loved Orli, that you'd protect him. How did you protect him from this? He's been abused and raped, by his BOYFRIEND because you were scared of some SHITTY HOMOPHOBES!! You're a fucking coward Viggo Mortensen. Orli gave you everything, like he gave Mark, but it was NEVER ENOUGH!! He's my friend, my brother. His family have no fucking clue what's going on, Orlando didn’t want them to know, he’d lost almost all his friends, Mark's probably enjoying himself, not giving a shit about Orli, and Orlando is probably DYING right now and I can't help him!!"
"Elijah," began Viggo, trying to placate Elijah.
"Don't you fucking get it, Viggo? It's gonna change everything. Orlando will NEVER be the same again; he'll probably never let anyone ever touch him. Once the press finds out – and believe me they will - they're gonna have a field day. Can you see it: `Gay star abused by boyfriend! All the juicy details inside!'? It's the stuff journalists live for," he sneered, disgust dripping from every word.
"He's going to have his life publicly dissected by those parasitic vultures, and Orli's family gets to read all about it, that's how they're gonna find out. Everyone who loves Orli is gonna suffer, and you think you can play the hero?!" Elijah turned away in disgust and crouched down to Dom's level.
As far as Elijah was concerned, apart from Orli, Dom was the only innocent person in all this shitty business. Slumping down next to Dom, Elijah desperately tried to reign in his anger. As he instinctively reached out to his friend, Dominic backed away, seemingly terrified.
He didn't notice Elijah's hurt expression as Viggo came up but Elijah ignored him, trying to comfort Dominic again, only to be rejected once more, a little more forcefully this time.
Dom didn't speak; he simply shook his head, and moved away. Dom was rocking himself, his head clutched in his hands, a look of absolute horror, disgust and fury mingled on his face as his sobs became incoherent. He could barely think, much less form a coherent sentence. He couldn't explain it to Elijah, or try to soothe him, not now. He hated pushing Elijah away, but he just couldn't handle… anything, not right now, not when his own heart had been so thoroughly ripped to shreds.
God, he should have known; there'd been enough signs. How could he have been so blind?! Was rape really a far step for abuse? Honestly, it should've been obvious, how Orlando acted, how he started refusing to do any romantic film scenes or wear anything remotely sexy.
He'd seen Orli get nervous when people chatted him up, or how he'd begun to unconsciously flinch whenever anyone touched him. He wanted to scream in frustration and horror, but no sound would come out.
Elijah looked at his friend in absolute disbelief. Dominic had never rejected him before. Why was Dominic pushing him away now, when he so obviously needed his friends? When he needed Dominic so much? Did some part of Dominic blame himself, or even Elijah?
He just stared at Dom, crying and shaking, rocking himself against the wall. In the years he'd known Dominic, he'd never seen his friend lose control like this. Viggo stood in the middle of the room, looking between the two men, feeling lost. He wanted to comfort Elijah and Dom, but neither would let him near them. What could he do? Lie, tell them it wasn't real? That bad things like that didn't happen, not to good people like Orlando?
"Please don't turn me away Dom," Elijah urged as he sat down next to Dom. It amazed Viggo to see Elijah, who not minutes ago had been swelled with rage, become tender and concerned towards his friend.
Still no response, Dom just turned his head away, not looking up as he tightened his grip around his legs, his head buried in his lap. The sobs were silent now, but the shaking could still be seen in a silent testimony to Dom's agony. Elijah looked at Dom, confused as to how to proceed. Right now Dom was the only person he could bear to look at without an all- consuming rage within him, and now Dom was rejecting him. He was only trying to help, why couldn't Dom see that?
"Easy Elijah, just give him some space," Viggo suggested.
"In case you've forgotten, I've dealt with this for four fucking years. I don't appreciate you barging in with your Zen attitude when you've got NO idea what I've… what we've, been going through. I've gone through just as much as Dom in this shit, and if he wants to close himself off, fine! I'm going for a fag. With any luck I might actually die before I get too old to care about friend's well- being!" Viggo moved forward
"Look, I know you're angry, I just want to help. I'm here if-" Elijah's eyes held a mixture of fury and disbelief. "Lij, I know you're angry, you have every right to be-" Elijah's eyes hardened at Viggo's words.
"Don't call me Lij, I'm not your `buddy'. You think I'm angry? Anger doesn't even begin to cover what I feel so don't even try to understand, or try to baby me; I'm not a child, I know how the world works."
"I want to help you. I didn't tell you because I wanted to hurt you, but I felt you had a right to know." Elijah couldn't take any more as he strode over to the door.
"Please Elijah, just wait," Viggo jumped up and without thinking grabbing Elijah's arm, to stop him from wrenching the door handle off.
"Get the fuck off me!" hissed Elijah with such venom it was almost palpable.
"Elijah-" began Viggo, his tone lowering in warning. Elijah let out a humourless laugh.
"Oh threats, that'll work. Well, Orlando quickly caught on, behave or bruise. Simple enough really-"
"Elijah, I know this is hurting you-“
“Oh you want to psych me, is that is, well go ahead Dr fucking Mortensen, try and get inside my head and feel my pain, empathise with me, you’re good at that”
“Elijah, just…just shut up, for once in your life, just…look this isn’t my fault. I didn’t abuse or rape Orli-“
“No you just let Mark do it. Don’t you get it? If you hadn’t left Mark wouldn’t be an issue, you destroyed him when you abandoned him Viggo, he felt he was only good enough for scum like Mark – you’ve done this to him!”
“How can you say that?!? I loved him…I still love him Elijah! I never wanted him to be anything but happy-“
“You are fucking crazy! Orlando would’ve done anything for you, you bastard! You have no idea what Mark put him through whenever anyone mentioned your name – remember that interview you gave, you mentioned Orli? Mark beat the shit out of him, said Orli was going to leave him for you. Every time you mentioned him Mark kicked him, he wore fucking boots Viggo, kicked him in the stomach, the chest -"
”Stop it…just stop. I don’t want to hear this."
“Tough. You caused this, every injury is there because of you, Orlando tried to kill himself because he thought you didn’t give a shit about him, when he’d give up so much…you made him want to die Viggo, not even Mark could do that…how does that feel?”
“I swear to God if you don’t shut up I’ll fucking…”
"You’ll what? Hit me, punch me, hurt me cause I hurt you? Isn't that what people do, what you do to people you care about, you hurt them? C'mon then Viggo, you're a big, strong man - I'm an easy target aren't I, just like Orlando, I’m vulnerable, I can’t protect myself, remember?"
Truthfully for a moment Viggo wanted to hit him, grab and shake some sense into him, but would he have reacted any differently? In truth, he deserved at least some of Elijah's venomous anger.
"It definitely calmed Orlando down. It's amazing what a few punches will get you. What are you waiting for Viggo? Oh that's right, you don't hit, you're too noble to hit anyone, just like Aragorn."
"Stop it!" muttered Dominic, from his position on the floor. Dom looked up and Elijah wanted nothing more than to hug him, soothe away his hurt, but he also wanted to cry; Dom was empty… lost.
"Please…just… don't. This is about Orli, not who's to blame. Save your hatred for Mark, Lij, please," he whispered, a note of pleading in his voice. Elijah looked chagrined; he'd been so wrapped up in his anger, convinced only his hurt mattered. What about poor Dom?
How could he ignore his Sblomie? He suddenly felt ashamed of those venomous words to Viggo, he knew how cruel they were, how blatantly untrue. Viggo might have screwed up, badly, but he had never hurt Orlando, or anyone else. He’d treated Orlando with the most respect and love Elijah had ever seen from another person, it was another reason why he had loved them together, because Orlando had been truly happy, he trusted Viggo implicitly, a trust which his former girlfriend, Shannon, had shattered.
She had betrayed him – slept with a friend while he was filming the Rings, then dumped him by phone, asking to be ‘friends.’ Viggo had picked up the pieces of his shattered friend’s heart and mended it, promised to never harm Orlando, yet he had, more than he would ever truly know, but he didn’t deserve to hear that from Elijah and looking at Viggo’s stricken face he already deeply regretted his harsh words.
To hear from Viggo that Mark had violated Orli, he just saw red. "God, I'm sorry Dom, and you too Vig, I shouldn’t have said that. This whole shit isn’t your fault, you didn’t know what would happen...I just…when you said…I wanted…I was…fuck! I’m so sorry Viggo, I can be such a bastard at times, I know that"
"Don’t worry about it, I should’ve expected it…It'll be ok, I promise" Viggo whispered, looking up at Elijah, his face offering no blame to the younger man and tenativly offered a sad smile which was returned by Elijah. Walking over to the two hobbits, seeking to offer comfort, Viggo cautiously laying a hand on Dom's shoulder.
"How? Orli could still die. I can't let him die Viggo," Elijah's voice lowered considerably for what seemed the first time in hours, his anger seemed to have exhausted itself. Viggo felt his heart constrict. It's a wonder he could still feel at all.
"He won't die. We'll help Orli and each other," he kept his voice low.
"You can't promise that Viggo," came the quiet reply. At last Viggo allowed his own tears to fall as he was forced to face the truth of Elijah's words.
"I'm so sorry, Orli. I never wanted to hurt you," he whispered, gazing off into the distance as the tears slid down his face. Elijah stood for a moment, not knowing what to do as he stared at Dom and Viggo lying on the floor, almost as if the wall was supporting them. Seeing the look of utter devastation and sorrow on Viggo's face made his gut twist. How had Mark managed to wreck so many lives? Without pausing, Elijah reached out to touch Dominic, being prepared for a rebuff. It didn't come, and Elijah felt himself sag in relief. He feared that he'd lost Dom to the sorrow that had seemed to eat him up.
"I love you Lijah. I…I didn't mean to push you away, I just…feel so lost," he whispered as tears streaked down his face, a look of utter misery visible. "There's nothing to forgive," he soothed; he couldn't be angry with Dom. Viggo stared into space as the words tumbled from his lips.
"When… Dom told me about Orli's attempted suicide, I wanted to die myself. I couldn't understand why Orli would do that, then I heard about the abuse and then the rapes and I wanted to crawl away, to hide and I hated myself even more for that. You've always been there for Orlando, when I should've been. Don't ever think you've let Orlando down in any way, either of you. If it weren't for you both, Orlando would be dead. I want to make amends with Orlando, if he'll let me. I want him back in my life, however much he'll allow."
There was a long silence after Viggo's speech. He'd bared his soul to them and he hoped this would help them begin to trust him again. He didn't want to fight. He felt as lost and hurt as they did. He wasn't sure how much longer he could do this; he was crumbling, slowly. Elijah pulled Dom close to him, trying to offer what little comfort he could.
"Remember that morning, after the Reunion. He was so quiet; he had bruises then. That's probably when it started. I don't know what set Mark off, maybe he just flipped," Elijah offered. There was a horrible pause as Viggo felt his heart clench at Elijah's words. Didn't they know?
"I met Orlando at the reunion," he blurted. The two men looked up and stared at him as if he'd just announced he was pregnant.
"Wait…you…and Orlando met, at the reunion, with Mark. We should've taken Orli home with us. We all saw how angry Mark was… that's probably when it all started," whispered Elijah, his eyes brimming with tears. This was so much worse, knowing that they could probably pinpoint the exact time the abuse began.
*** flashback ***
Orlando was curled listlessly on the bed, not moving. His entire body ached in a way he never thought possible, it wasn’t the ache of tired limbs that he was used to, this ache seeped deep from his skin into his bones, his very heart.
A well of tears rose again, biting his lip hard Orlando couldn’t stop them as they rolled down his checks. Flashes of the previous night came back to him and he felt the taste of bile rise up in his mouth. Rushing to the bathroom, he emptied the contents of his stomach, and probably half his stomach lining as well.
He glanced at his reflection in the small mirror and shuddered. Bruises were beginning to form around his neck and shoulders, a vivid testimony to what had happened last night, yet his heart and soul rejected it, screamed at him that Mark loved him, but the evidence was there.
A silent, stubborn sign of what he couldn't even admit to himself; to admit it would make it real, and Orlando couldn't stand that, not ever. He felt so dirty and tired, a terrible self-loathing hanging over him. No matter how much he'd showered, nothing would shift it, like a lingering stench, choking him. Mark had sworn it was for Orlando's own good, he'd been left with no option, he hadn’t wanted to hurt Orlando, hadn’t want to harm him.
Was that true? Did he deserve the pain Mark had put him through? He promised Orlando it was cleansing him, making him Mark's again. He’d shouted at Orlando, belittled him, cursed him in more ways than Orlando thought possible, it had all been Orlando’s fault Mark had told him, all because of the party and that Orlando couldn’t control himself. Orlando had tried to listen and then got angry, trying to leave.
Mark had decided words hadn’t been enough to get his feelings across. Harsh words had turned to actions and then the real pain had begun…and no amount of apologising and sobbing would make it stop.
Orlando could have sworn Mark spat out `Viggo' in between his tirades at Orlando, blaming him. But by the end he'd cried, begged Orlando to forgive him. He'd hurt so much, every part of him ached and burned, and not in a good way this was not the aftermath of a lover’s caress or a night of passion, there was nothing good or comforting about the pain he was in, it was unlike anything he’d ever felt before.
He'd tried to absolve Mark when he’d cried, he’s tried so hard, but no words had come out; for the first time Orlando hadn't been able to speak, the pain had been too much. He'd turned on his side, allowing the tears to fall, praying Mark wouldn't notice. He'd tried not to cringe when Mark had pulled him close, whispering meaningless endearments in his ear.
The tears wouldn’t stop falling and the pain didn’t ebb away. Orlando wasn't an expert in male relationships but he knew enough to know this wasn't right. He shouldn't hurt like this, not so badly or for so long. He'd never hurt with Viggo, he mused. Viggo had always treated him like glass, slowly worshipping him like an idol, whispering Orlando was his god, his perfection.
Orlando had never understood that. Orlando wasn't an idol. He was human. Viggo had always put him on a pedestal, too high, too unstable and now he'd fallen, hard. It seemed so long ago, like he was another person; a young man so full of laughter and innocence, curls glistening and his eyes dancing with untold mischief and love. Now those same eyes were dead. Idol, what a joke, he snorted disdainfully at himself. If Viggo could see him now, his godhood was stripped to reveal what? A mortal.
He couldn't stop Mark last night, and he couldn't face his friends now, what did that make him? Was he turning into Paris the cowardly prince? He’d never really considered himself as such, always tried to tackle his problems head on, but it was different this time, it was something he seemed unable to fight, because he couldn’t even seem to wrap his head around what happened. All he knew was he hurt, a lot, that Mark had hurt him and he didn’t know why.
In his mind he was so terrified of rejection he'd let Mark do what he wanted. Viggo’s dissertation had shattered him in ways even Elijah and Dom didn’t know about. He knew Mark loved him, and was liable to get a bit…rough at times, but that could be forgiven, it was simply part of his nature, maybe he’d gone slightly too far last night. Mark said he loved him. Maybe he showed it in a different way. That had to be it; he loved Orlando, he'd said it, held him and promised to never let him go. That had convinced Orlando. He didn't want to be left alone, to be unloved…unlovable. Viggo didn't love him anymore, that was certain; he'd practically ran away from him last night, but not before giving him a look of pity. That was all that Viggo considered worthy of him now. Pity. To have someone who claimed to have loved you so deeply look at you like a hurt puppy…it had crushed him. He'd been so convinced he was over Viggo.
He would never be over Viggo, and he hated it. It wasn't fair to Mark, who loved him, who stayed with him. He didn't deserve someone with a broken heart. He was shaken out of his self-recrimination by the doorbell ringing rather incessantly. Orlando cringed. He couldn't face the outside world in any form at the moment. Heading back to the bed, a source of comfort and infinite pain all at once, he hoped they'd give up and leave. He tried not to make a sound as he felt tears prick his eyes and harshly brushed them away.
The bell stopped and Orlando breathed a sigh of relief, until he heard the lock wrangle and someone let themselves in. He felt his heart pound and tried desperately to fight the urge to hide under the covers. Making an effort to control his quivering mussels, he sat rigidly silent on the bed and waited.
"Oi! Orli, get your skinny butt down here," came a voice. Elijah. He cursed the day he'd given his friends the spare key.
"Orli, mate, you here?" No reply. "Orlando?" came another voice. That was Dom. He should’ve guessed those two would turn up sometime. It seemed it was impossible for them to go through a day without some form of contact or communication. Normally he loved that, but right now he just felt an overwhelming urge to hide, or run.
Maybe he had time to jump out the window, would anyone notice? He silently congratulated himself for getting dressed earlier that morning, how he’d managed that, since he was shaking at the time, he was still unsure.
"Can you hear us?" bellowed Elijah’s voice, Orlando winced. How could he not? Dom came in first, with Elijah trotting behind. Trust them to choose the bedroom as the first place to look; they really knew him too well.
"Are you OK Orlando?" he asked, a look of concern painted on his face, as he looked at his friend on the bed, barely moving, his posture rigid. Very unlike Orlando, he seemed…smaller somehow. Dom couldn’t quite explain it but it left an unsettled feeling in his stomach.
"I'm fine, just tired. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I've got a lot on my mind. What are you guys doing here?" Orlando asked, not looking up, anything he could do to deflect attention away from him was good. Unfortunately, Elijah was nothing if not an observant little bugger, and would immediately pick up on something out of place. Dom was almost as bad; he had this way of looking at someone, sussing out the truth. How annoying. Of all the people that could have called on him today, why did it have to be sodding Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson in training? Bloody wonderful.
"Just you had to leave really quickly last night. I said I'd try and organise something today, remember?" Dom said, beginning to feel rather uneasy. Orlando was hiding something from them, but what?
"How's Mark?" Elijah butted in. Dom wanted to throttle his friend. Normally it would be considered a civilised question, but Elijah's tone made it anything but civilised. At Mark's name, Orlando unconsciously fidgeted, and Dom noticed how pained he looked. What the hell was going on? Had they fought last night? Dom wasn’t blind, he’d seen them argue over something last night, what had happened?
"He's fine, he had to leave really early for work. Why?" Orlando tried to keep his voice level. Elijah eyed him carefully, taking in Orlando's reactions; the fiddling hands…were they shaking? The lack of colour in his face, the ridged unnatural posture was so unlike Orli. Elijah was worried, this wasn’t his Orli. Where had his friend full of laughter and energy gone? Elijah had a nasty feeling that Mark had done something to extinguish that last night. If he had hurt Orlando in any way, by God he would suffer, and Elijah would take great pleasure in carrying that out.
What Orlando saw in the bastard was beyond Elijah. All he saw was an arrogant, controlling anti-social ass. Orlando claimed he was different when they were alone ‘sure I’ll bet that’s what serial killer’s wives say as well’ he’d thought. Personally he couldn’t quite accept that, unless Mark was suffering from some sort of radical Jekyll/Hyde syndrome, personally Elijah was sure it all boiled down to, essentially, that Mark was a bastard, no matter who was with him.
"Oh, no reason. He just looked a bit… annoyed last night. I got the impression he wanted to get going," Elijah said, widening his eyes in fake innocence. Under other circumstances, Orlando would have laughed but he felt himself squirm instead. A horrible chill was creeping up his spine. Dominic nudged Elijah none to gently in the ribs, causing a scowl from the younger man. "We were just worried that's all."
"Well you needn't be. I'm fine, everything's fine, why wouldn't it be? We had a fight, that's it. Couples row, we made up, end of story!" Orlando exclaimed, his words coming harsher than he'd intended. Both Elijah and Dom looked a little shocked. Elijah noticed Orlando was clamming up, which was not good. Friends didn't keep secrets, did they? "Look, Orlando, if there's something you're hiding-"
"Stop it Elijah!! You're my friend, not my bloody keeper. Just stay out of it, will you?!" he demanded, becoming more than a little flustered and pissed off with Elijah's constant questioning. "I couldn't sleep last night. I'm exhausted, plus I've got a nasty hangover, happy?" "You didn't drink, remember? You stuck to water, and the last time I checked water doesn't give you a hangover," Elijah challenged, a rather triumphant sound in his voice. Orlando looked like he'd choked on a lemon and wanted nothing more than to bolt.
"Elijah, just leave it OK? Orli clearly doesn't want us around at the moment," sighed Dom, and for some reason that made Orlando feel even worse. It wasn't their fault Mark was mad. They were just trying to help. "I'm sorry, both of you. I just feel really grotty and tired; it's nothing personal, I swear. I'm just not good company today and I've been busy feeling sorry for myself." There, good performance.
They didn't need to know how terrible he felt, that he wanted to crawl under a rock and die; that he could barely look at his friends anymore. His control was hanging by a thread. If they didn't leave he was going to start crying, telling them he was scared, but he couldn't do that to his friends. Dom would be pushing him out the door if he knew what had happened, and he had to stay, sort things out. Viggo had quit over their relationship, and Orlando wasn't going to do that with Mark. If he hadn't met Viggo last night nothing would have happened. Even far away Viggo managed to screw up his life. Elijah looked most unhappy about the whole situation. "Just come out for a drink or something Orli," he cajoled. Why was Orlando acting like this? He just couldn't understand it. "Everyone misses their prissy elf." Orlando shook his head firmly.
"I'm too tired Elijah, sorry." Dom looked around the room, resisting the urge to crinkle his face. He watched Orlando fiddle with the blanket, noticing how his friend's fingers trembled; the sweater seemed ridiculously big for Orlando's slight frame. As Orlando fiddled, the sleeves rolled up slightly and Dom caught a glance of Orli's wrist; there was definitely bruising on it. He frowned at that, just how much of a `row' had they had last night?
Elijah moved easily towards the bed and plonked himself down as if he owned it. He'd helped Orlando pick it out, shortly after he arrived in New Zealand. For a moment Elijah said nothing, kicking his legs against the bed, humming deliberately off key. Dom was looking decidedly confused. What was the little git playing at?
"Have you eaten today?" Elijah suddenly asked conversationally. Startled by the question, Orlando shook his head dumbly. He didn't know whether he could hold any food down right now. "Great! Me and Dommie-boy are taking you out for a real meal. No buts. My treat, you're all skin and bones. There is nothing to eat here, ‘cept that veggie crap you call `food'. C'mon, get up," he urged, pulling on Orlando's arm, which was presently shrinking away. "I'm not hungry-" began Orli, but Elijah shook his head firmly. "I know you’re not but I don’t care, you’re going to eat! Best friends look out for each other. Look, you'll feel better if you eat something. You can't live on rabbit food all your life. I want some company, besides Dom," he wheedled, yanking harder on Orlando's sweater.
As Orlando pulled away, his sweater rolled up, exposing his arm to his friends. A dead silence fell over the room, and Orlando looked away, ashamed. Elijah had a grim smile on his face. He'd seen! Dom didn't know whether to yell or hug him. "What's going on Orlando? Did Mark hurt you-"
"Mark has nothing to do with it. He doesn't know; I didn't want to worry him," Orlando whispered, not looking up. Elijah reached up and hugged Orlando, noticing, rather unhappily, that Orlando froze. "OK so you say Mark's innocent, fine, but something's up Orlando. Don't try and pull a load of bull with us, please."
"He's right Orli. If you don't want to talk right now, that's OK. We're always here for you no matter what. We love you, you know that, right? C'mon get changed, we'll wait for you," Dom said, his voice soothing and comforting. Dom had that affect on people. Slowly he nodded. He couldn't stay here, not right now; he was scared to be alone. He could go somewhere else; pretend home felt safe from a distance.
No one spoke while Orlando changed into a random sweater. Turning back he looked at his friends and smiled slightly as he ran a hand through his hair, trying to make it behave. Taking his keys, he debated about leaving a note for Mark. Mark wouldn't be happy if he didn't know where Orli was, but even less happy if he did. Suddenly, looking at his friend's concerned expressions, Orlando found he didn't care. They said they'd always be there for him, and he knew that was true, they would be there even if Mark left, he wouldn’t be alone. If Mark was angry about him going out, so be it he would face the consequences either way. He didn't leave a note for Mark as he walked out the door with Dom and Elijah flanking him, rather like mini-bodyguards.
He vaguely wondered if he could call his home `safe' again.
Viggo, Dominic and Elijah had been sitting silently in the doctor's room for over half an hour, struggling to come to terms with this new information. "My meeting Orli at the…I never liked the fucking bastard when I met him," Viggo sighed, a bitter grin on his face. "Of course then it was petty jealousy. I should have looked more closely."
"And have Beanie lecture you about `ex's decorum'?" teased Dom. It seemed too easy to fall back into the old pattern of their friendship. "If it's any consolation, I hated him with a fiery vengeance when I met him too," Elijah offered, no shame in his voice.
"Don't let Elijah kid you. He was still sore you and Orli weren't together," Dom sighed. "I thought he was just being a stubborn git, more so than usual. He gave Kate hell too."
"I had justifiable cause," Elijah said haughtily. Viggo smiled slightly. Hearing them banter like this, it was almost as if nothing had changed. Lord knows he was more than willing to turn his back on reality.
"She was blond and too perky. What was I supposed to do?" he shrugged. "You really liked me and Orli together?" Viggo suddenly spoke up, curiosity tingeing his voice. Elijah nodded seriously. "You guys were always so happy together. I can’t remember the last time I saw Orli as happy as when he was with you, you just…fitted together somehow. It was the break-up you seriously fucked up, not the relationship."
"Thanks. I think," Viggo whispered, looking off into the distance.
"Anytime, Vi," Elijah smirked, this time no anger or maliciousness was attached to it.
"Don't call me that, Ellie," Viggo warned, a grin plastering his face.
"Sure, smelly ranger."
"Pervy hobbit."
"Would-be king."
"Pansy assed halfling."
`Elf screwer' almost tumbled from Elijah's lips, but he caught himself just in time. There was no need to make things worse.
As the name-calling went back and forth, Dom found himself smiling, truly smiling since he found Orlando. What made him smile the most, though, were Viggo and Elijah, because they were smiling too. "When are we going to tell the Bloom women?" Elijah sighed, his tone turning serious again.
Before Viggo could think of a reply, there was a gentle knock on the door. How long had they been in here anyway? Probably too long. He kept forgetting the hospital was public. A soft cough interrupted them. As they looked up, they found Dr. McCoy standing there, a small smile on her face. She felt a rush of relief when the three men before her smiled, real smiles that lit up their eyes. Seeing the devotion to Orlando was heart-warming and heartbreaking all at once.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Orlando's waking up. He started coming around about ten minutes ago." At this, three heads shot up in disbelief. "H-he's awake?! Can we see him?" asked Elijah, jumping up with an unbridled enthusiasm, his eyes sparkling with relief and gratitude.
"Yes, but not for long. He's still very groggy, so don't expect summersaults from him." She smiled. "But before we go, I just want you to be prepared …he doesn't look good. Don't push him for details or reasons, just…be there for him," she offered, as she stood aside.
"I'll be along in a moment." The two younger men practically fell out the door in their haste to see their friend. Viggo walked slower, an all-consuming dread welling up within him. This was it, time to face reality. "Aren't you going to visit Orlando?" she queried. He'd had spent hours by Orlando. Why wasn't he with his friends? "I don't want to crowd Orlando," he offered with a shaky smile.
"You want to avoid a surprise reunion?" she offered with a wry smile. "I'm assuming you've talked about Orlando?" she asked, and received a nod of affirmation.
"He's going to get through this, he's a fighter," Viggo smiled wistfully. "He always was."
"It's not my business, but I really think you should be there too. If not for your own peace of mind, then for your friends; they need support as well." Viggo nodded slowly. To see Orlando one last time, awake and alive.
"I…umm…thank you," he offered simply, a tentative smile gracing his lips, as he walked down the hall, trying not to run, either to or away from Orlando.
Dr. McCoy sighed as she saw him walk away. Maybe this tale would have a happy ending. She could hope; it's what people did best, after all.
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Date: 2005-08-16 01:13 am (UTC)Holding my breath that it all works out, I can't wait for the next chapter!
You are doing a great job with this sensitive subject. Very heartfelt. Thanks