My First Fic...

[bahama-breeze77.livejournal.com]

Title: When Worlds Collide
Author: bahama_breeze77
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Vigorli
Warning: AU, angst, graphic rape/non-con, hurt/comfort
Summary: When an older man finds an abused boy and gets mixed up in problems bigger than he can handle, can he help the boy put his life back together or will the evils of the world be too much for the both of them…
Feedback: Yes! Love constructive responses...please!



Prologue


I’ve always had a simple life. I knew I wanted to be a painter when I was as young as six. Our family moved around a lot, I was always going from boarding school to boarding school and paints and canvases were easy to pack up and move. Simple.

When I was older I fell in love for the first time with a girl in a band and we got married and had a kid. Not simple. We soon got divorced after that, but stayed friends. I had realized girls were just not simple enough for my liking, it was then I also discovered boys were. Back to simple.

We share custody of Henry, my son, but he stays with his mom for the most part. Idaho was a simple enough place but I wanted a change, some new place to find inspiration. My best friend since college, Sean Bean, told me to come out to LA and live. So I packed up my life and headed west. I bought a big house just outside the hustle of the city so things could stay simple, well as simple as one can be in LA.

I’ve lived here now for about five years, mostly keeping to myself, except for those nights once a week when Sean drags me out to the newest, hippest bars. I haven’t dated much since I’ve been here. I’ve been content to just spend my free time painting and writing. LA has been good to me. I’ve never had a problem with LA until one night, only one night it took for my simple world to get turned upside down, that one night my world collided with that of a broken young man.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I’ve never had a simple life or a fun life or hell, even a normal life. I’ve never really had a chance to have a life. All I have known since I was eighteen has been pain and humiliation.

It all started after my father died when I was fourteen years old. My mother was lonely and she started to see this man, she fell in love with this man named Mark. I hated him. I hated the way he looked at me when my mom wasn’t looking; it was like how a hawk looks at a mouse right before he swoops down and eats it. He always ignored me when she was around and when she wasn’t I would always make sure to be at a friends house so I didn’t have to face him.

Mark and my mom ended up getting married when I was seventeen and we had to move out of London to LA for Mark’s job. He was a drunk, he owned a bar called Dead End, and when he wasn’t drinking there, he was doing it at our home. I was not happy, I was so furious I threatened to run away, and if I had known how my life would turn out to be in the next few years I would have. But I didn’t and I pay for it every night.

I graduated from high school and that summer my mom got sick and died. I planned to move back to London for college not wanting to be anywhere near my step father, so I packed up, and said goodbye to my friends. But I never made it out of the house. I don’t remember how it happened but when I woke up I was in a small, locked room with nothing but a dirty mattress and a blanket. I was also naked and chained by my neck to the wall. The chain was just long enough to allow me out of bed and across the room but not long enough for me to reach the door. I soon discovered I was in the basement of Mark’s bar and I was to become a pleasure toy for Mark or whoever paid him the highest for the night. It was the same few people every night as not many people knew I was down here.

So here I’ve been for the past seven years as Mark’s dirty little whore of a secret, without any hope, always wishing for death. Until one night, one night when my world got turned right again, the night my world collided with that of a gentle older man.

Comments

[dreamlover21.livejournal.com]

Love it! Any chance of us getting the next 10 updates tonight?

ummm...

[bahama-breeze77.livejournal.com]

Well I don't think I can type that fast, next one will be up around Friday or so, and the ones after that will come up quicker, I promise, I just have to survive finals week first!

[mereneith.livejournal.com]

Loved the story idea!!! Promises so many interesting possibilites, twists and turns. I love a vulnerable Orli and protective Viggo. This prologue does a good job of setting you up with both characters.

"I was also naked and chained by my neck to the wall. The chain was just long enough to allow me out of bed and across the room but not long enough for me to reach the door."

Love this description. GAH!!!

I do have a few suggestions. Feel free to ignore them if you don't like the ideas/suggestions.

1) Longer please!!! This is such a tantilizing tid bit. It works really well for a prologue. It sucks the reader in well. But, I hope future chapters are much longer.

2) This is pretty much a personal preference, but I have found that when first person points of view switch back and forth I have a very difficult time getting into the story. I am constantly being jarred out of the story and switch to someone's view. I have difficulty really getting absorbed into the story. And usually I can't read more than a few chapters because I feel so disconnected from the story. So, I would highly recommend that if you are going to do a first person point of view story, stick with one point of view. My vote is for Orli's if you do write it first person.

Generally I am not a fan of first person points of view. For the most part, I found that they don't really give you a sense of the world that is being created and don't paint as good of a picture of what is going on as compared to the 3rd person. This is because the story is from that person's point of view. The nice thing about 3rd person point of views is that they can still let you know what is going on in mnay different character's heads, while giving you a good understanding of of the setting, actions, etc. You can also combine first person points of view with 3rd person by occasionally inserting a first person piece, but I would caution against doing this too often because it disrupts the stories flow.

Again, this is personal preference and I am making the suggestion just to give you one aspect of how some readers may view this point of view issue. So, please don't take it personally, it isn't meant that way.

You're the writer, it's your fic and I fully respect your right to do whatever you want with it.

I really love this beginning to a fic. This prologue is nicely formed and works well in either first person point of view or 3rd person (as you know, my preference is the later).

Thanks for sharing it with us and I definitely encourage you to keep going with it!!

Wonderful...

[bahama-breeze77.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I always love the help. As to your first point, the chapters will be much much longer than the prologue, I just wanted a short little intro at the beginning. And as for the second point, I totally understand. Half the time I read first person point of view fics, I can never remember who is speaking! I was only planning to write the prologue in first person pov, then switching to third for the rest of the story, so no worries there, I like it better in third also!
Glad you like the story! Thanks again!

[shaan-lien.livejournal.com]

I think the comment above this one mentions about first person point of view that I would like to comment on. I like first person POV as long as it stays with one person, I've always felt if the narrator of the story is going to change it should be third person. With this piece, both Orli's and Viggo's point of view seem very simliar, as if the voice doesn't change, they are not distinctive from themselves. Tell me if this is helpful at all, I'll stop for now in case it's not.

Yep

[bahama-breeze77.livejournal.com]

You were totally helpful! Thanks, I was planning to write it in third point of view anyway to get more of a universal understanding and not just a one sided point of view.

[kytti-lust.livejournal.com]

I really loved this and cant wait for more and I also agree with the comment that seeing it from viggo and orlis pov makes it very difficult to get absorbed as you think "wait who am i now?" but that is obviously up to you :) well done on ur first fic

cool...

[bahama-breeze77.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you like the story so far, and I am going to write it in third person pov so it's not so confusing! thanks for the comment!