vigorli

title: Out of Orbit
by:

stormatdusk
pairing: viggo/orlando
rating: pg
warning: crack!fic
a/n: written a few months ago as a halloween treat for

krazykitten46.

"Try to relax, Orlando. It's really not that big a deal."

"Not that big... Are you insane? Let me get this straight. You're telling me that I've been kidnapped - "

"Borrowed. They prefer the term, 'borrowed.'"

"Fine. I've been borrowed - - "

"Yes."

" - by aliens - "

"Yes."

" - to live for one month, on a spaceship."

"Yes."

"So they can study me."

"Yes."

"Having sex."

"Well... yes."

"And you - - Viggo, was it? - - you were kidnapped a week ago?"

"Borrowed. And they've been awfully good hosts, I must say. Great food, nice comfy bed... very friendly folks, actually."

"Well, isn't that just lovely. But what if I don't want to have sex with aliens?"

"Oh, no no no. It's not with them. They want to study humans having sex with each other."

"Oh. So I have to have sex with a perfect stranger - "

"Well, I'm not really a stranger anymore, am I? And I'd hardly call myself perfect. Ha ha."

"Wait - - I have to have sex with you?"

"Well, you don't have to. But yeah, that's what they're hoping."

"And what about you?"

"Oh, I'm way past 'hoping.' I'm more at 'incredibly, desperately needing' by now. After all, you're my *k[7]."

"Your... what?"

"My *k[7]. See, they have this amazing technology. They can sample a human's... I dunno, pheromones or something, and immediately determine that person's one true match. Their *k[7]."

"And I'm yours. Your star-k-whatever."

"Yep. The tough part was finding you. They've been looking for days now."

"I've been in Antarctica."

"Ahhhh. Yeah, they don't orbit down that way real often."

"So... what does 'true match' mean, exactly?"

"Well, it's totally voluntary, like I was saying. If you'd rather, you can decline, hang out here being waited on hand and foot for a month, and then go back home, no worse for wear. But basically, if you decide to give it a go, it means that the moment we touch, sparks of passion will ignite around us. The hunger will build with each urgent caress, every amazing kiss, driving us forward until eventually our mutual orgasms produce the sexual equivalent of a brilliant sunrise, showering us in intense ecstasy and joining our hearts in perfect love forever."

"..."

"... Crap, I've sort of said too much, haven't I."

"..."

"..."

"Viggo?"

"... Yeah?"

"It's... it's really, really nice to meet you."

~~end~~ eta: continued here