vigorli

Title: Shadows of life - Chapter 2
Author:

obvmluver
Beta: The wonderful

littlegreenleaf.
Rating: NC-17 in the end.
Pairing: Viggo/Karl, eventually Viggo/Orlando
Summary: When everything seems to spiral downwards, is a human being able to rise from the ashes?
Warnings: Violence, if you look closely enough.
Disclaimer: I wish I knew the boys but I don't. I also don't make any profit with this.

Crossposted to a lot of places... Please don't nail me for that.

Banner made by a good friend,

pale80.

2

Dear diary....
That STILL sounds cheesy. I hope I’ll get used to that. I have to say I’m sorry I haven’t been able to write an update recently. Things have been a little hectic. There have been events I have attended and I’ve been too tired to write anything down after I have come back home. And another period of IV medications have started. The by now familiar nausea is making itself known in the pit of my stomach. This bed I’m sitting on is uncomfortable. It’s too hard and makes me ache even more. I have asked them to change the mattress into a softer one for my back but it hasn’t happened yet. Two things I have to deal with at once. Great.

The food here is edible, or would be if I could eat. I feel so horrible most of the day I can barely get the yoghurt down. I am aware I need to eat but it isn’t easy. The lack of food probably shows on my body already. Luckily the nurses understand me. I’m really grateful for their constant persuasions to make me eat more. One of them, my very own private nurse, Lucy, has gone over my imagination in her attempts to make me feel better. Maybe it’s because I’m a celebrity or maybe because she genuinely is like that, no matter who her patient is.

Anyway, Mom arrived today. Of course I had told her where I am when I’m receiving the meds but she hadn’t told me she had plans on flying across the Atlantic. She’s sleeping her jet lag off now at my house. This must have been a shock for her, too. Mom has always been a great worrier. And now she’s probably going nuts in her head and she’s too afraid to speak her fears out loud. But I know her. In a way I fear the same thing as well. Death. I’m going to have to talk with her later.

Viggo also called. At first I thought it was unexpected and felt like he called just out of guilt for ignoring me because of Karl, but I quickly found out he wanted to genuinely know how I was doing; that he had seen some pap pics and professional shots from those events I had attended. He told me I looked good. The fuck I do. He’ll see it soon, see the fact that I’m far from okay. If I am going to attend his wedding there is no way I can hide my appearance no matter how much make-up I put on. It frightens me, how he’ll react or the others. But as I’ve thought about this more I’ve realised my friends have a right to know I’m not well. They have the right to know I’ve got cancer.

Ah, food. I smile at the practical nurse carrying the tray and thank her as she says Bon appétit. I lift the lid off and a bout of nausea hit me. There’s fish on my plate and vegetables, nothing wrong with that really. I make myself eat the stuff. I have to. Doctor’s orders. There’s a chocolate bar on my tray. I’ll save that for later.

It’s nearing 9:00 pm now. Mom came to visit bringing me a get well card from Sam. It really made me cry. Sam has always been like that, supportive of me. I tried to repay her for everything she had done for me the past years by supporting her one woman show she had in Scotland. And now, when the hour is as dark as night, she still urges me to go on. I feel like she’s much stronger than I am. Well, I’m taking every ounce of the available strength there is right now. I’m losing mine rapidly mostly due to the medication. Sometimes life is so complicated it sucks.