FIC: Into the Wild

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Silly Fic Friday is especially needed today. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Title:  Into the Wild
Author: 

ranmaru
Rating:  PG-13
Summary:  Viggo cooks fish on a stick. Orlando is less than impressed.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, just playing

 

“Okay, so let me get this straight.” Orli looked at the three fish dangling from three separate strings in Viggo’s hand. “We’re going to eat those after cooking them on a stick over the fire.”

 

“You don’t camp much, do you?” Viggo couldn’t help it. He was loving this. Watching Orli bravely trudge through thickets and bug swarms, sit on slimy, mossy logs and worm his own hook. Orlando’s facial expressions alone would be enough to brighten his mood on the worst of days for years to come.

 

“I don’t camp at all,” Orli grumbled, staring with a sick kind of fascination at the glassy eyes of the dead fish.

 

“You do like fish?”

 

“With chips and only when prepared in England. Preferably by my Mum.”

 

Viggo chuckled. “Tell you what, you go start the fire while I get these ready.”

 

“Ready?”

 

“I’m going to cut them open and take out the inedible parts,” Viggo clarified and watched Orli lose what color was left in his face.

 

“I’m a vegetarian,” the younger man blurted out taking a shaky step backwards.

 

“Back to that? Since when?”

 

“Since right now. Aren’t there any berry or roots I can eat?”

 

“Are all Englishman such wimps?”

 

“Yes,” the Brit answered promptly. “I want to go home.”

 

Viggo threw back his head and laughed.

 

~*~

 

“How’s your mac’n cheese?” Viggo asked, happily roasting his catch.

 

“I’m not speaking to you,” Orli replied, stabbing at the macaroni noodles in his bowl.

 

“I sacrifice a box of organic macaroni and cheese from the care package my thoughtful son sent to me, and now you’re not talking to me?” Viggo sighed. “I’m hurt.”

 

“Oh fuck you, making me think I was going to have to eat one of those,” the Brit said with a grimace as he gestured at the cooking fish with his fork. “Is that even healthy? Eating fish straight from the river? What about the chemicals in the water?”

 

“Man has been cooking meat over a fire for millions of years. Do you think the cavemen worried about pollution?”

 

“The only pollution they were in danger of was dino farts.”

 

This sent Viggo into gales of laughter, made even worse by the glares he was receiving from his lover. “Judging from their size, it’d be both air and noise pollution!” He slapped his leg and almost dropped his fish into the fire.

 

“Your apology had better include lube and lots of moaning,” Orlando threatened.

 

Viggo suddenly stopped laughing. “Uh…”

 

“Oh no. No, tell me you packed the lube.” Orlando carefully set aside his supper only to make a frantic run for their tent. He almost took the small tent down trying to unzip the main flaps to get inside to their backpacks.

 

Viggo watched the spectacle for a minute before looking back at his fish. It was just about done. He stuck the stick between two rocks and let the fish continue cooking.

 

“You! You!” Orlando came out of the tent with a plastic tube in his hand. He was holding it as if he was about to stab his camping companion. “Bastard!”

 

Viggo giggled, arms around his middle while Orlando stalked over and pulled his hair. “Ow, hee hee!”

 

Unable to resist Viggo’s weird laughter, Orlando started to smile. “If you had dragged me out here and I didn’t get laid…” He exhaled and held up the tube. “That wasn’t nice.”

 

Viggo gingerly grasped the stick over the fire and poked at his fish with a fork. Nodding to himself, he removed the fish from over the flames. “Eat your carbs elf. You’re going to need them for later.”

 

Orlando opened his mouth to respond, closed it, thought a second then said, “You’d better brush your teeth first. Or gargle. That’s all I’m saying.”

 

Viggo stuck out his tongue in response before biting into his meal.

 

 

The End

Comments

[tularia.livejournal.com]

*snortgiggles*
Poor Orli! That would have been a tragedy to get dragged into the wilderness without getting fucked... *G*

[laura-iskra.livejournal.com]

you just made my (although temporaney) departure from lj so much harder!
I can't stop laughing, I love it!

[sitaray.livejournal.com]

That's hillarious...poor Orli...first thinking he had to eat the fish and then not get laid! Rotfl! I love silly fic Fridays :)

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Definite tragedy!

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Temporary departure? Everything okay??

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

They are...the Nazgirls... As into nature as he is, I think OB would have a problem getting down and dirty like Viggo would. But, I could be wrong and it's Viggo who's squimish about stuff like that! ^_^

[queen-mean-jean.livejournal.com]

Great Friday fic!! I kinda feel the same way about fish... well Kinda about camping also! That is why we have a vintage airstream!!
Thanks for sharing these gems!!

[laura-iskra.livejournal.com]

not serious, just holidays, ,but I'll miss all the stories so much I'm a little sad about leaving :p

[ireth06.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the silly little friday-fun-fic!!

It's made my day!!

Orli is so easy to tease. And Viggo is happy to oblige!

Thanks for sharing, huggles and kissies!!

[littlegreenleaf.livejournal.com]

Another great little gem! Thank you so very much for these. I look forward to them probably more than is healthy. *hugs*

[anfreya.livejournal.com]

Really loving all your stuff! This is partick my cuppa Rosie Lee (tea)
Love them like this.. all daft and real! Thanks hon!

[rifleman-s.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

Great (outdoors!) fun!!

[greyrainydays.livejournal.com]

My god, that was the funniest thing I've read in a long while. Made my evening. Thanks. :)

[greyrainydays.livejournal.com]

Your icon perfectly depicts how I am feeling after reading this little piece. :)

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I realized I'll have to take time away for moving...and not having 'net access for a while...blah...

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

A Vintage Airstream? No kidding! I've always loved those...

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Giving away mac'n cheese is the ultimate expression of love.

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

I agree. That icon is adorable!

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Due to these awesome comments I tend to check my email more times than is healthy! Ha ha! Thanks!!

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

Oh! Is that rhyming slang? I'm writing an original fic and want to occassionally use it. Online dictionaries only get me so far...

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

^_^

[ranmaru.livejournal.com]

*grin* I adore your icon. Ojii-Tezuka!