vigorli

Title: Mea Culpa
Author: Imogen
Disclaimer: I don't know these men - or women. It's complete fiction, no money made
Pairing: VigOrli, Orlando/OC. Possibly others later, not sure yet.
Summary: Abuse wreaks everyone's lives. Who picks up the pieces?
Warnings: referance to domestic abuse, rape, attempted suicide and violence. It's not as depressing as it sounds but I'm aiming for realistic portrayals.
Feedback: Oh yes!!!! Please!!
Archive: sure just let me know where.
FYI: 'mea culpa' is latin and is used in Catholic prayers of confession. Translated it means "my fault", or "my own fault". In order to emphasize the message, the adjective "maxima" may be inserted, resulting in "mea maxima culpa," which would translate as "my most [grievous] fault." Also

sharpes_hussy has pointed out "it also it is also used in the Latin rite mass during the offertory as a plea to God to forgive sin in preparation for communion". So thanks for that extra bit of info! This chapter is a bit shorter than the others but ch 4 will be longer to make up for it!

***~~~***

Viggo looked up, a bit startled, as Dominic and a doctor came in. It was almost a surprise to see Dominic walk in. He didn’t really want to be reminded Dominic and Elijah were here. He was too ashamed to face his former friends…to see the looks of judgment and anger on the once friendly faces. He mentally scolded himself. He wasn't the only person who was worried about Orlando. His friends, the people who were always there for him, when he should have been, were also worried.

Despite the glare Dom was directing at Viggo, it couldn't compare to the depths of self-loathing Viggo was feeling right now. It was almost hard to believe they’d been so close in New Zealand, called each other brothers, family. The memories seemed so distant now, as if they were a long forgotten dream.

Glancing down to avoid Dom’s glare he caught sight of the tattoo…the Fellowship tattoo. It had meant so much all those years ago. It had bonded them in love and in spirit. How had he let things decay so much?

"Mr. Mortensen?" the doctor asked as he moved towards him. Why was the doctor talking to him? Dominic had handled all the medical info hadn’t he, why was there any need to tell him? Then taking a sideways glance at Dominic, he saw the young man grasp Orlando's hand and immediately berated himself for being selfish.

"Uhh what? Huh? Um… oh, yes, I'm him, that's me. I mean, I'm Viggo uh, Mr Mortensen ... how can I help you Miss, uh, doctor?" She had a very kind face, like the kind that used to be on medical dramas when the stories weren’t just about which doctor was sleeping with which nurse behind their boss/ wife/co-worker’s back.

He thought she looked rather similar to that FBI character, from the popular TV show that he’d never watched but Henry loved… with lots of aliens and such. Yeah, a kind looking FBI doctor. That summed her up nicely. She even had the red hair. It was nice seeing a friendly face...

"I thought you’d like to know about Orlando’s progress. I'm Dr. Gillian McCoy and yes, before you ask, I've seen Star Trek. It's been the bane of my life. Thank you very much, Captain Kirk," she said with a smile. Viggo felt himself relax slightly. Obviously, she wasn't going to hold his little outburst against him. "I've been speaking to Orlando's friend, Mr. Monaghan. He and Mr. Wood are listed as Orlando's next of kin for the US."

"Call me Dominic," Dom said, his voice almost wistful and far-away sounding. He hadn't moved from the chair or even looked up as he spoke the words. It was as if Dominic was somewhere else. Considering his mental state at that moment, Viggo guessed it would be an accurate assumption. "I don't think I can cope with any formalities at the moment."

"OK, Dominic. I don't know how much Mr. ... Dominic has told you about Orlando's condition. I've been put in charge of Mr. Bloom's case, so if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to come to me."

"Thank you. I really appreciate this. I know you don’t have to tell me anything, and I…uh…just, thanks."

Dr. McCoy waved off his thanks as she glanced at the clipboard, to Orlando, and back again. She sighed. She indicated for him to follow her. Dominic didn’t even seem to notice them go, his focus souly on his unconscious friend. As they stepped outside she turned to Viggo, all humour gone from her face with a look of over-whelming compassion and sadness. Viggo wasn’t sure if he could take this or deal with anyone telling him exactly what Mark had done and how he had hurt Orlando so badly that Orlando was reduced to trying to kill himself to escape.

"I think it would be better if we spoke away from Dominic. He's a very strong man but I think he's past his breaking point. He's heard all he can take about his friend's condition. Right now I think the only beneficial thing would be to leave him with Orlando. There are a few things I need to discuss with you, and I'm afraid they may be rather personal. I think we'd be best in here," she said, indicating a small room off of the main hallway.

"As I'm sure you're probably aware now, we're having to deal with two separate issues with Orlando. First, and the most immediate concern, is his attempted suicide. Although his condition is now more stable, his condition isn’t currently life-threatening, I cannot predict that he will fully recover from this, physically and more pointedly, emotionally. I can treat physical wounds, but I cannot heal a wounded mind. I can tell Orlando has a lot of people who care very deeply for him. His two friends have been beside themselves since Orlando was brought in and I doubt you have been much better. Now I don't know your relationship with Orlando-"

"We were once ... involved," he whispered, almost as if feeling ashamed. He was never ashamed of Orlando being his lover; no, he was proud of that. Orlando was worth being proud of. Perhaps it was shame that he had let Orlando go and thereby delivering him into Mark's hands.

"I see. I doubted you were Orlando's current partner, especially in relation to his other injuries. I feel I must be blunt with you, Mr. Mortensen. It's obvious you still care very deeply about him, and from your friend's comments, it's obvious that the feeling was more than mutual. And, although this is not my business, this obviously goes some way in explaining a possible motive, as much as one is ever needed for these types of cases."

Viggo looked down and began to fidget with his hands. He couldn't look up and see Dr. McCoy's face. He couldn't face the pity or anger he might see there. It would make things too real, bringing it back to the here and now, exactly what had happened.

"As I mentioned, there were two things. The other is his obvious abuse, and I can categorically state this is abuse. There is no way that Orlando's wounds are self- inflicted, apart from his wrist injury."

"But people hurt themselves all the time. Orlando was…is… one of the most accident-prone people I know. Is ... is it possible some of the injuries were, maybe, accidental, like, Orlando banging into something?"

"If you're talking about `walking into a door', I'm sorry. I know this is difficult to hear, to know that someone you love had been hurt like this, but I assure you that the injuries were not accidental. Some of the injuries are recent and some are not. The timeframe alone would indicate abuse, as well as the general pattern and structure of the injuries. There is also something else I discovered. I haven't actually told Dominic this. I'm not sure he could have taken it. It appears Orlando was raped at some period before he attempted to commit suicide and it does not appear to be an isolated incident."

"Oh God...."

Viggo slumped down in his chair and began shaking. This was too much. Was that why Orlando tried to kill himself? Oh God, he couldn't even begin to imagine the torture Orlando must have gone through. To be not only abused by someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally, but to be raped; to imagine Orlando screaming in pain, his features twisted in agony, while he was violated in one of the worst ways imaginable.

He felt the rage well up in his gut, only this time he welcomed it. Someone was going to pay very dearly for hurting Orlando. Not only Mark, but this ... rapist, whoever it was, he would find him, make him pay... Both were going to suffer. He'd see every bruise, every cut, every tear Orlando had shed because of them repaid in spades. Whether he had help or he had to do it alone, something would be done.

There would be no police involved in this, no prison. As far as Viggo was concerned, it was the end. At that moment, he forgot every pacifist sensibility he’d ever held; he craved violence, to see the bloodied faces of the men – no, monsters - who had caused Orlando so much pain.

"D-do you think his…boyfriend…knew? I mean, would that be a reason why he…he…” the words wouldn’t come out.

“Was it a random attack, can you tell how long ago it was, could…we…can you catch them?” the questions were fired at the doctor without pause, the tone desperate and agitated, yet full of a desperate childlike hope, a pleading to right the wrongs of Orlando’s world.

Dr. McCoy felt her heart break again. How do you break news like this, to tell someone they loved so dearly had been hurt in such a manner? Dominic’s reactions had been stilted. He’d seemingly quietly accepted the details of the injuries. It was obvious he knew of the abuse, as did Elijah. Their faces were all too familiar. They were the faces of two young men who had been dragged through hell and beyond for their friend.

Mr. Mortensen had been an entirely different kettle of fish. He apparently had not had contact with the three men in several years and to have this sprung on him, without warning…her heart went out to the poor man. Regardless of what mistakes he’d made in his relationship with Orlando, he did not deserve this. She’d seen the tears trickle down his face as he’d kept a nightly vigil over her unconscious patient.

"With all due respect Mr. Mortensen, it's much more likely the rapist was his boyfriend. Most people still assume a rapist is hiding in the bushes or in a dark alley. The truth is, I’m afraid, they are more often someone we know, perhaps love. Boyfriends, husbands, cousins, friends. The most unlikely people, the very ones who should protect us. That's why they get away with it so often. No one would suspect or want to admit that someone they love could do such a terrible thing. People don’t want to admit that they’ve been raped. They see it as their fault, illogical to us, but no one has ever accused our emotions as rational."

"But what makes you sure it's ... him? I mean, it could have been anyone. Surely ... is there any, um, evidence?" he asked, feeling sick as the words came out. Evidence…what would that consist of? He shuddered.

"Not currently at this time. I'm not sure of the time frame exactly, but I'm pretty sure from the scar tissue that the last attack maybe happened a few months ago. Some go back longer than that, which is another reason I'd suspect the boyfriend. This wasn't a one-time deal, I'm afraid. The scar tissue is really just ... well ... healing over itself. We've sent some samples away for analysis. Obviously we can't do more just yet. As for identifying the rapist, considering this boyfriend's MO – from conversations I've had with Dominic and Elijah and the state of the injuries - I would strongly suggest he was the most likely suspect, and it is quite possible the attack was a springboard for Orlando's attempted suicide."

"But...why would Mark rape Orlando? I don't understand. If they were… in a relationship, surely ... sex ... would be a natural part of it, so why would he force Orlando? I don't understand. What would be the point?"

He couldn't wrap his mind around this. The idea that anyone would force themselves onto someone was a repulsive thought, but to do this to someone like Orlando, who loved so freely? He'd had Orlando's love, his body, what more did he want, why did he do it...how could he?

Why would he feel the sick need to force himself ... he couldn't even form the words in his brain. He’d raped Orlando. He’d forced himself on Orlando, made him partake in an act that should show him nothing but love and pleasure, and he had degraded it, he’d violated Orlando’s body, his trust.

"I'm not a psychologist, but from what I've seen, a major issue is control. If Mark did rape Orlando, and I'm 99.9% positive he did, it would be another way of controlling Orlando. He can control Orlando's body, his pleasure and pain. When we engage in sexual acts, we are, physically, at our most vulnerable. We are completely exposed and when it involves those we love, we open ourselves emotionally. My guess is it would be an act of dominance, control – similar to the animal kingdom, staking a claim on a possession, forbidding others access. Again this is mere speculation. You would need to talk to a psychologist for that and I would strongly advise you to, including Dominic and Elijah. They've had to live through the abuse as well and it will have affected them, too. Abuse is just as traumatic for the witnesses as for the victim. I also suggest that if you can find him, try to get Mark to face up to what he's been doing. I'm aware he's the last person you want to see, but you have to think of Orlando. You can remove Mark, but you can't remove the damage he's done, physically and emotionally, to Orlando."

Here Dr. McCoy paused, as if giving Viggo time to process this new information. Her gaze was sympathetic but unwavering. Viggo didn't meet her eyes. Find Mark? He didn't think he could do that, not without beating the man into a bloody pulp, and that wasn't taking into account what Dom and Elijah would do if they ever got their hands on him. While neither man looked particularly intimidating he'd quickly discovered appearances were deceiving. Elijah, in particular, could get vicious when upset and he only became this way when his friends were hurt. Dom became quiet and it was then you needed to be careful. The normally gentle and placid man could become rather threatening when his friends were threatened or hurt. He also had a rather powerful punch, not that Viggo had first hand experience of it, thankfully.

He briefly recalled one night when they'd gone, against Viggo's better judgement and Ian's insistence, to a rather dingy club - a cross between a would-be BDSM and had-been Goth club, called 'Dereliqued' or some other ridicolus name. Viggo almost laughed at how uncomfortable Beanie looked and how Orlando's eyes widened like an owl's. Even the Hobbits had been a tad apprehensive. Then Viggo had laughed when some slutty guy clad completely in PVC had strutted over and blatantly come on to Sean, rubbing himself against his friend and commenting on how he’d loooved ‘Sharpe’ and was he still sharp enough to remember his lines? Not the most subtle approach. He could almost feel the collective groan from the Fellowship.

Unsurprisingly, Sean wasn't impressed, and in fact, had looked quite put out. Not that Viggo could blame him. Privately Viggo thought there should be a legal age, and weight limit on PVC, lycra and such. Seeing a middle aged decidedly…rounded man with every bit of flesh sharply outlined, was not something that Viggo had ever felt the need to see. While Sean’s face had been forced into that familiar painful ‘oh, God someone help me’ smile, it seemed the fates were in a merciful mood, when the PVC guy suddenly noticed Orlando waiting at the bar, and all thoughts of “Sharpe” were immediately banished and the man tottered over to his next poor victim.

Suddenly Viggo didn't find things as funny. Couldn’t anyone keep their hand off his boyfriend? Did he need to slap a ‘hands off’ sticker on Orlando’s forehead? Bloody pervert, he was well over twice Orlando’s age! For some reason, Ian in particular seemed to find Viggo’s muttered ranting rather amusing, quirking an eyebrow at Viggo’s disgust at the man’s age. Orlando had politely brushed him off and went to rescue Sean from said PVC pervert. Amazingly he kept coming up to Orlando all evening and Viggo's patience was wearing thin. He couldn't blame Orlando but he internally cursed Ian for bringing them to this place.

No matter where they went people were always drawn to Orlando, but in a place like this, it was really a no-brainer. Things had come to a head when PVC had grabbed Orlando and kissed him quite forcefully, not giving Orlando a chance to back away and gave him a good grope before releasing him. That had done it...Viggo saw red. Unfortunately, before he could do anything, PVC was sporting a bloody nose and an angry Dom warning him to stay away.

Dom had taken a rather shaken Orlando back to the table (although Viggo couldn’t work if it was a result of PVC or Dom’s punch that shocked him so) ignoring the stares from Billy and Elijah, and had carried on his conversation to Liv as if nothing had happened. After that, Viggo had made a mental note to never piss Dominic Monaghan off, or grope Orlando if he didn't want it, (which was unlikely to happen, he hoped). His mind was sharply brought back to the present and he mentally shook himself. Now was not the time for his mind to wander down memory lane.

"It will take a lot of time for Orlando to recover, physically, mentally, emotionally. It isn't something that he'll recover from in a few weeks, or even months. It could take years, and even then it's likely he'll have flashbacks. During his recovery-"

"Wait a second ... you said recovery. You mean he's going to survive?" Viggo interrupted, not caring if he was being rude. He'd found himself wondering if Orlando would recover, or even wake up from his unconscious state.

Dr. McCoy sighed slightly. Such an innocent and harmless question, yet so agonizingly heartbreaking. Survive ... that's what abuse victims did; they survived. But did they ever truly recover? She couldn't say, but knew that it was better to be truthful. No matter how well intentioned, false hope never helped.

"He'll recover. A few more minutes and he wouldn't have been as lucky. He could have suffered severe brain trauma due to lack of oxygen, or worse.If Dominic hadn’t come in when he did, Orlando would be dead. While it was a cry for help, I think Orlando was determined to kill himself, at least in that moment of time. His determination was clear. The very fact that he had a back up plan points to that conclusion. I'm not sure how to say this. I've already mentioned it to Dominic and Elijah. Don't be surprised if Orlando is angry for being saved. He no doubt saw death as an escape, something to be embraced, and you, all of you took that away. So be prepared for anger ... a lot of it. He'll no doubt suffer severe nightmares and, possibly, flashbacks.

“He may have panic attacks, sleep walk, irrational outbursts of anger or frustration, suffer extreme melancholy, insomnia. He may become suicidal again or try to inflict self-harm or even go through a period of hyperactivity. He may go through some or all of these; I can't specify which as everyone reacts differently. His body will be going into shock, rather like withdrawing from drugs. Don't be surprised if he flinches when you touch him. It is simply a survival method. Most likely he'll want to hide from everyone, especially his friends and family. The closer you are, the more he'll hide. Don't take it personally."

"Thanks for being so honest with me," he said, finally looking at her. Dr. McCoy smiled slightly. She got up and turned to Viggo.

"I’m sorry you had to hear that. You can stay here if you want. I imagine you need some time to ... digest what I've told you. I know it's a lot to take in and a bit mind-boggling. Feel free to stay here a while. I'll see to it that you're not disturbed. I am truly sorry this happened to Orlando. He seems to be a very special man."

"He is," Viggo whispered, gazing at the wall.