Mea Culpa 4/? Part A

[imogen-lily.livejournal.com]

Chapter 4

Due to ch 4's length I've had to split it into two parts. Part 2 will be posted directly after this one.

All warnings in ch 1. Please let me know what you think! N.B. first part is a flashback.

You are, of course stupid git! Viggo's not pretty enough and you *are* like a woman – thin and stuff, except for the boobs, but you're still absolutely gorgeous! Viggo's way too ... manly, too much stubble, his chin’s too big and dimpled and since Juliet isn't butch, you're perfect," he beamed.

"Elijah, I am actually a man, you do realise that, don't you?" Orlando asked, slightly uncertain. God knows what went through Elijah's head sometimes. "You wear a long blond wig and you’re really pretty so you could easily be a girl," Elijah argued.

"Just out of interest, if Orlando is Juliet and Viggo his Romeo, does that mean he has to wear a codpiece?" grinned Ian, glancing at Orlando. Even though he was still rather sleepy, he managed to blush and turned into Viggo’s chest mumbling. "He doesn't need one." Viggo visibly preened at that information. Dom merely rolled his eyes. Typical American, always obsessed with everything they owned being bigger than everyone else’s.

"OK, enough teasing. I want some evidence for Elijah's ... um ... statement," Viggo demanded, his eyes twinkling with humour. Dom shook his head; he didn't see how Elijah was going to get out of this one not looking like a total idiot. Billy grinned as Elijah slumped slightly on Dom's shoulder.

"They're really pretty ... and they love each other sooo much!" he whined.

"So you base one of the greatest love stories of all time on the fact that they love each other? Good argument Lijah," Billy grinned. Elijah shook his head, whether in denial or to attempt to clear it from the drunken stupor, no one was quite sure. The alcohol was definitely taking its toll on Frodo.

"No ... no, it's more, you prat! They ... they have a tough time, thinking we wouldn't accept them, `cause their love is forbidden, `cause they're guys or something like that. The families didn't like each other did they? Right. Well, we all family and we all love each other but we could've been nasty `bout them and got them apart but we didn't `cause they're cool and we're cool and we love them, but others don’t and they want them away from each other, which isn’t fair. And the whole love thing, Viggsy would have killed anyone who tried to get with Orlikins, and gets really possessive like Romeo did, y'know? He brooded a lot before he met…Juliet and was, like a, really moaning bastard before they fell in love, like Viggo is…was…and Orli is really young like Julie...et and is really innocent, he trusts Viggo and would forgive him anything, and would forgive him for killing his cousin…I think…Plus he won't ever look at anyone else, `cause he loves Viggo so much and he'd drink p-poison for Viggo. I don't want you guys to die!" he whimpered, ending his monologue sniffling into Dom's shoulder.

"It's so sad! You're really lovey-dovey types," he murmured, his words now horribly slurred. Dom wrinkled his nose in distaste ... Elijah was drooling. All over him. Wonderful, just wonderful. It was obvious they weren't going to get any more crazy theories out of Elijah tonight. Hallelujah.

"Looks like our little hobbit's worn himself out. He's growing up so fast," sighed Billy, a mock sadness in his voice. Placing a hand on Dom's chest, he grinned. "Look's like it's your turn to be Lij's chauffer/babysitter, Dom. Enjoy!" He grinned at Dom, who let out another long-suffering sigh.

"You are an uncharitable bastard, Boyd," he muttered. Why was he cursed to be drooled on by a drunken Ring bearing hobbit? Obviously he was very, very wicked in a previous life. Maybe he killed cute animals or something. Yes that was it - in their past lives, Elijah was a gofer or some other revoltingly cute animal and Dominic had killed him, hence he was now being punished in this life with Elijah's never-ending drool. This just sucked.

"Aww, he's so cute when he's sleeping, and quiet" smiled Orlando, as he nestled safely into Viggo's arms. "That's not funny Orli” Dom groaned. "God I feel like an old married couple, any second now he’ll be asking for his false teeth, the guy already dribbles like he needs them, and mumbles in his sleep, not to mention he’s a complete bed-hogger”

“OK…I’m not going to even ask how you know that” sighed Billy. “There are something’s I prefer to live in blissful ignorance of, one of which is Elijah’s sleeping habits”

"Hey Dom? I don't know about us being Romeo and Juliet, but you both look rather cute," he grinned. "Something you're not telling us, Orli?" grinned Billy, an eyebrow raised.

"Together, I mean, God get your mind out the gutter Boyd! You hobbits are the perviest creatures on Middle Earth” Orlando complained, snuggling closer to Viggo.

“Reeeallly?” Dom grinned as he wiggled his eyebrows, a rather lecherous expression of his face, that would have been disturbing had he not been protected by his big hunk-of-a-ranger.

“Paws off Monaghan, no one touches my Elf!”

“But he’s sooo pretty!” Dominic protested, his voice an eerily, albeit squeaky imitation of Elijah.

“C’mon Bloom, give me a chance, I’ll sweep you off your feet, Hobbits are very seductive creatures and much cleaner than smelly rangers, and we come in handy travel size”

“Sorry little hobbit, I like my men older and with more stubble." He smiled tenderly as he turned over, still on Viggo’s lap, now facing his lover as he reached up to caress Viggo's cheek, running his fingers over the slight lines on his face, loosing himself in Viggo’s eyes. Viggo closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of Orlando’s fingers on him, both momentarily forgetting they had an audience. An ill disguised cough brought them back to reality. Gathering his composure, Orlando slid off Viggo’s lap, grinning at Dom, impish delight dancing in the depths.

“Besides, we all know you and Elijah are the true couple of the set, how could I live with myself breaking up such a beautiful love?” he enquired in an all too innocent tone. Billy didn’t even attempt to hold in his laughter, as Elijah let out a little sleepy whimper and even Ian started chortling at the mental image. Dom, on the other hand, was not happy and looked rather panicked, as if the idea of being with Elijah was horrifying, which, considering Elijah's current state, Orlando could certainly sympathize with him over.

"Oh God! I'm cursed! Doomed to be Elijah's babysitter for all time" Dom moaned quietly. Viggo chuckled and wrapped his arm even tighter around Orlando, providing a barrier to all who would seek to harm his love, including the insanity that was the hobbits. Orlando sighed contentedly, nestling in further. He always felt so safe there, as if Viggo's arms protected him from all the madness of the world. He let his eyes droop again as a wave of tiredness swept over him and couldn't quite repress a yawn. Ian leaned forward as he gazed at the couple for a moment. Such a state of peace and trust surrounded them. It was quite amazing, as if Viggo and Orlando were two halves of an extremely beautiful whole. Their auras – or whatever you wanted to call it - perfectly complimenting each other.

"You know, as strange as this seems, I think our young drunken hobbit may have a valid point."

"Gee thanks Ian. All we need now is to be sworn enemies and kill ourselves, not to mention killing half dozen others in the process. How terribly romantic," Viggo dead-paned. Ian chuckled slightly.

"My dear boy, are you forgetting the depths of passion and despair they went through for each other? What is that if not true love? To die for love is no small feat. I've seen you together; rarely have I seen two people so committed to each other as you are. I have no doubt that you would give up your lives for each other, or go to extreme lengths to protect each other. That's a rare thing, very similar to a pair of star crossed lovers, if I recall."

"They didn't exactly have a happy ending Ian," Viggo sighed slightly. For some reason, he occasionally became terrified that he would lose Orlando, in some way. Things were too good, too perfect. Surely happiness, or love like this, wasn't meant to last.

"Not every love story ends in death, Viggo. Most of the great ones end in tragedy, caused by forces outside their control. It was never their love that was the problem; it was other's interpretations of that love. Surely, you as an artist can appreciate that?" he smiled gently.

"Not if it means I have to wear tights and a codpiece, those things look itchy as hell" Viggo grinned. Ian chortled slightly.

"Viggo, my dear, I think we all know who looks better in tights," he grinned as his eyes fell on Orlando, who rolled his eyes.

"Ok, enough taunting the pretty elf," Orlando warned, smirking a bit. "It's not easy looking so manly in tights," he added.

"More like impossible," snorted Dom. "At least I only get hairy feet. Don't the tights bunch up in your arse, Orli?" asked Dom, trying to sounding genuinely curious, but Orlando could feel the wicked humour behind it. Smart arsed Hobbit. Well, two could play at that game. "Depends on what kind of reaction I'm after," Orlando smirked wickedly. "After all, I mean an elf can't be shag happy all the time, even if they are blindingly gorgeous." He mock sighed.

"I thoughts Elves were perfect beings. Didn't know they could be such vain wankers," Dominic grinned. Ian and Viggo looked over at each other, resisting the urge to roll their eyes. These insults could go on for hours, neither Dom or Orli willing to be out-done by the other, it was a futile exercise though, if the game got too much (which usually meant Orlando had run out of insults) Orlando would simply let his eyes widen and fill with tears, tremble his lip and suddenly the game would be forgotten in a rush to comfort their beloved elf and Orli’s tears miraculously disappeared.

No hobbit was safe from Orlando’s puppy eyes, indeed he’d yet to meet someone who was immune to them. Viggo had to admire the method, even if it was rather underhanded.

"You wound me, Merriadoc Brandybuck! Elves take commitment extremely seriously. My body may belong to anyone and everyone, but my heart solely belongs to Gandalf...and Elrond." At that, Ian let out a loud chortle.

"What, no love for a mere ranger?" whispered Viggo, kissing Orlando's neck, who managed to stifle a moan.

"Eh, you'll do. We elves have to make some sacrifices," Orlando grinned, although his voice was lowered to a husky whisper as he turned and gazed at Viggo, seemingly have forgotten his friends. Viggo didn't appear to be in a much better state either, and leaned in for a kiss, Orlando’s arms wrapping around his shoulders.

"Well, I think we'd best be off. We've trespassed on your hospitality quite long enough," Ian's amused voice broke through Orlando and Viggo's trance. "Oh ... right ... thanks for coming. It's been fun," Viggo said as he lifted himself up, along with Orli, who seemed to be melded into his side, not that he was complaining...

"But you'd appreciate it if we left you in peace," Ian said knowingly. "Dominic and Billy, do you think you can help your inebriated friend to the car? I'll drive you back," Ian offered. Stretching, Dominic managed to get a sleepy Elijah on his feet and Orlando helped Dom carry him to the car, with Billy trailing far behind them. Keeping his distance from a drunken Elijah was the best option right now.

“Thank you Orlando, nice to know someone will help me carry Lij” Dominic said, shooting a mock-glare at Billy, Orli smiled while Billy simply snorted. “You want help getting out of a burning building? I’m your man. Drunken Elijah? You’re on your own”

"We still on for tomorrow?" grinned Orlando. Billy shook his head; it was unlikely Elijah would be doing anything tomorrow, unless they had any say in the matter ... which they would. Dom nodded with a grin on his face. Nothing like a little surfing at the crack of dawn to cure a hangover. "Lij isn't going to forgive us y'know," Billy smiled evilly.

"Serves the silly bugger right for drooling and making up crazy theories, although you would look pretty good in a skirt. We already know you look good as a blond," Dom teased as he and Billy hugged Orlando before he got in the car. Elijah, who seemed to have woken up slightly at the fresh air, beamed at Orlando before he launched himself at the Elf.

“Orli!!” he squealed, hugging him tightly as if he hadn’t seen him for months. Orlando feared a loss of oxygen if he didn't removed Elijah soon. "I'll miss you Orli. I love you buddy, you’re my best elf."

"Yeah, me too, but I'll see you tomorrow, OK? You have to go with Dom and Billy now though; they'll take care of you," he said as he gently peeled Elijah off him, handing him over to Dominic. Orli grinned at Dom's long suffering sighs, and Billy trying to keep as far away as possible. Tomorrow was definitely going to be interesting. After he'd hugged Ian goodbye, he went back inside to Viggo, only to be pulled gently into his lovers arms and kissed breathless.

"Hey Orli, want to see if we can do a non tragic scene of Romeo and Juliet? Maybe the balcony scene?" he asked as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Orlando simply purred in response, leaning into Viggo's caresses and feeling the familiar rush of excitement pulse through his being.

"God, I love Shakespeare." Orlando grinned as Viggo grandly swept Orlando up in his arms and carried him upstairs to recreate their own epic love story. Yes, life was definitely good.

*** End flashback ***

Taking a deep breath, Viggo walked into Orlando's hospital room. Dom was still there, his eyelids drooping. He wasn't sure where Elijah was, probably having a cigarette. The way the kid was going, he'd end up with lung cancer by the age of 30. He frowned at the morbid thought, suddenly feeling himself craving a cigerette himself, just one to help him, take his mind of the grim reality. Orlando had helped him give up years ago, but he'd occasionally slipped up in moments of weakness. He seemed to have a lot of those recently.

Besides, who was he to criticise Elijah? There was no way Elijah could be dismissed as `a kid' any longer, not after what he'd gone through, what he'd seen and had to deal with. Maybe he'd gone home; he hoped so but had to admit it was unlikely. Elijah undoubtedly would stay until Orlando woke up, or at least something changed ... either way.

Viggo couldn't help but be amazed and awed by the friend's dedication. He wondered what the rest of the Fellowship would do when they heard the news. Viggo hadn't phoned anyone yet, and he knew he would put it off for as long as possible. How do you tell someone that his or her friend has been abused for several years now and subsequently tried to kill himself as a means of escape?

That wasn't even taking into account Sonia and Samantha Bloom. They probably had no idea what was going on and that made Viggo feel really low. He knew he'd never forgive someone if they didn't tell him something was wrong with Henry.

They, more than anyone, had a right to know. But they'd also be the hardest to tell. Viggo didn't really know the two Bloom women; Orlando had never gotten around to introducing them properly before they'd broken up. How would it look for Orlando's ex to ring up and inform them Orlando had a) tried to kill himself; b) had been systematically abused for years; and c) because of Viggo, his heart had been irreparably shattered? What a wonderful introduction. No, he didn't think he could face that yet. Not right now. Probably not ever. Yep, Viggo `the spineless coward’ Mortensen, at your service. Walking over to Dom, Viggo nudged him gently, tying to rouse the younger man.

He and Dom hadn't really had a proper conversation since he arrived. Viggo swallowed his nerves. He was a grown man, for God sake, with a severely hurt friend/ex-lover/would-be-current lover and he had to clear the air with Dom ... and Elijah too, if need be. There couldn't be any uneasiness between them, for everyone's sake. Dom and Elijah could still be angry with him - that he could deal with – but first he had to open up the lines of communication.

He shook Dom gently, not wanting to scare him. Dom moaned slightly, clearly not happy about being woken up, but after reluctantly cracking an eye open and seeing Viggo, Dom quickly found himself waking up fully. Neither said anything while Dom stretched, trying to work out all the kinks that had accumulated in his body from napping in a hospital chair.

"Where's Elijah?" Viggo asked at last, breaking the silence. Easy question to start off with.

"Hmm? Oh, fag time," Dom mumbled, and then found himself embarrassed by the connotations of the sentence. "Cigarette, I mean," he added hastily. For the first time in what seemed an age, Viggo felt a smile hover on his lips, but it soon faded. There wasn't really much to smile about; the reason was lying unconscious between them.

"I sent him out for some fresh air, clear his head. What did the doc tell you?" Dom asked as he lifted himself out of the chair that seemed to have molded to his shape. Ugh, not a pleasant thought. Viggo paused for a second, wondering if he should he mention what Dr. McCoy had said. Could Dom handle it, but more to the point, could he? To tell Dom would be to admit those acts had taken place. While it was stored in his head, it somehow seemed less real, less frightening. The doc said she wasn't sure how much Dom could take, and he had little doubt she was right.

The lack of sleep and sheer worry was evidently taking its toll on Dominic, and Elijah. This would destroy them, of that he was certain. While Viggo internally debated the issue, Dominic looked carefully at the older man. He was hiding something. Something had definitely happened in the doctor's room. Just how far had the doc gone with details?

While Viggo had never really looked his age, in a good way, of course, he'd aged considerably since he came out of that room, and now Dominic was feeling bad. He felt sick from lack of food and sleep, sick from the worry and terror he'd been through, sick for himself, his friend and Orlando. Maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh with Viggo.

Yes, it was Viggo who broke Orlando's heart, but he couldn't control Mark's actions. He didn't know that Orlando still loved him, and in all honesty, Viggo couldn't control that either. Viggo had been foolish, cowardly and to a degree, rather selfish, but he'd also had Orlando's welfare genuinely in mind. He'd never hurt Orlando when they were together, never controlled Orlando.

It was Mark who'd done all of that; Viggo was just a viable target for Dom to channel his anger at. Mark wasn't here so Viggo had to take the brunt of Dominic's rage, and he knew that was wrong. His anger was directed at the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

"Dominic," Viggo began, and then paused. Oh. Viggo had used his full name, that almost hurt, it had been so long since they’d spoken, Dominic was tired, he wanted to have Viggo as a friend again, to use their stupid nicknames and forget that Mark ever existed, he still held anger towards Viggo, futile though it was, that anger had diminished over the years due to Mark, but now resurfaced upon seeing his estranged friend.

He wanted to blame Viggo for Orlando’s abuse, if Orlando hadn’t still loved Viggo, this never would have happened. Of course, such thoughts were ludicrous and didn’t lead anywhere, but he needed someone to blame, he had to have a target to vent his anger, or he felt he would explode. Slowly, Dom looked up at him. The older man looked lost as his gaze moved to Orlando for a moment; as if his reason for living had been destroyed, which in some ways, Dom reasoned, it had been.

"I ... I need to ask you something, and you have to be straight with me." That annoyed Dom.

"Oh, you want to talk about honesty? That’s rich coming from you! I'm not the one who lied to Orlando, pretending the break up was for his own good, pretending I didn't want to see Orlando, pretending that Orlando couldn't cope with the outside world. Orlando isn't a child Viggo. He hasn't been for a long time. He was young when you guys were together, yes, but even then he wasn't a child. He was an adult, he knew his mind-"

"Look, I didn't come here to fight. I was wrong, stupid, cruel ... call me whatever you want, I deserve that, but I can't change it, no matter how much I want to, and I wish to God I could, but no amount of wishing will change that."

"Honesty. Nice change," Dom growled sarcastically. He knew he wasn't helping matters, but he didn't care. No matter how much he told himself not to be angry, to not blame Viggo, he didn’t want to hear Viggo trying to justify leaving Orlando, he’d heard the reasons before, and they were old. As far as he was concerned, there was no way Viggo could ever justify that, for ripping Orlando's heart out, but he also knew that Viggo was trying, he wasn’t running away, Dom had to give him credit for that at least.

"I was scared, ok? Scared shitless. Orlando was young and hot. Everyone wanted him ... he was getting so many offers. I keeping thinking might meet someone ... younger, or I don't know ... find a better offer, I couldn’t bare to loose Orlando like that. I didn't want to go through that, nor did I want the whole `gay bashing' thing if we came out, I didn’t want to deal with it, I didn’t want to face the petty mindedness some people can possess, be reminded of it. It would have affected Orli and Henry, no matter what they said, it would have hurt them, Orlando always looked for the good in people, I didn’t want him to loose that. I didn't want to be responsible for stopping his career before it took off. So yeah, I was dishonest; I was cowardly because I couldn't see any other way to stop myself or Orli from being hurt," Viggo admitted quietly.

Dom didn't say anything, but nodded in acceptance. He knew that must have been hard for Viggo to say and he appreciated it.

"Look, I've been giving you a hard time, I'm aware of that. I'm angry with everyone, including myself. I can't blame you for Orlando's abuse ... that's just dumb. You can't control how Mark thinks, or how Orlando feels, and I accept that. I hate that you walked away from Orlando, that you didn’t fight for what you had, I hate that you caused Orlando so much hurt and made him feel unloved, I hate that you felt forced into doing that. I hate that I didn't stop things sooner ... that I didn't get Orlando away.

“I'm his best friend; I promised I'd always look out for him. I'm angry with you for leaving, for ripping Orlando's heart out. I'm angry with Orlando for giving up, for not doing ... something ... to stop Mark, and I want to rip Mark's heart out with my bare hands. I ... don't think I've ever truly hated anyone before, Viggo. But I hate Mark; I hate him with every fiber of my being, I know I could kill him right now, and never regret it for the rest of my life" Dominic whispered, looking up at Viggo for a moment.

It was close to how Viggo was feeling. Undoubtedly, Dominic and Elijah carried their own guilt, however nonsensical it was for `failing' to protect their friend. His heart crushed for the younger man before him. God how Viggo could relate to Dom’s feelings, the guilt and anger were swimming inside him, never pausing. Dom was right, at that moment he too could murder and feel no remorse, but he choked the feelings down.

No matter how much he abhorred the man, how much he wished for his suffering, he could let these thoughts consume him, he couldn’t afford to loose focus here, Orlando was the only thing that mattered right now he had to just keep reminding himself of it. "Dom ... what happened, with Mark? I have to know everything, please," Viggo whispered, looking imploringly at him. He had to know how much they knew, silently praying they already knew, that he wouldn’t have to tell them .

"I don't know when it started exactly, things just...crept up, Elijah noticed earlier, he never liked Mark so I thought it was just Elijah being unfair to Mark, but I noticed things changed after the party, the reunion. It was slow, really slow but Orli was withdrawn, tired a lot. I thought he was working too hard, just the usual stuff, no one apart from Lij seemed to think anything was wrong at that point. Mark wanted him to stop acting, I thought he was worried about Orlando’s health, but then he started getting annoyed around Orli’s co-stars; he got jealous when Orli made friends with his co-stars. He got really pissed off around Johnny, the way they hugged each other and stuff. Then he didn't like Eric of course, and Brad, after that Ed Norton, Liam Neeson... it was just endless… they all came under his firing line too - never mind that they’re all straight; he really saw them as a threat," Dom snorted, shaking his head. Viggo sighed slightly.

"When did Orlando tell you? About the abuse?"

"...He didn't. I just...knew something was wrong, I can't even remember when I realised it, I just remember seeing Orli in the bedroom one day. He had a massive black eye and was trying to cover it up. Then I noticed all the long sleeves, the sunglasses, the no-going-out.... It didn't take a genius to work it out once it slapped me in the face, so to speak. I couldn't believe it, that he'd kept it from us. God, I felt betrayed in some way, hurt that he couldn't, or wouldn't tell us – I was really hurt, I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t told me, I’m amazed Lij didn’t say ‘told you so’ God, I was almost angry at Lij for seeing what I couldn’t. When I asked him, Orli wouldn't talk about it, pretended everything was fine ... a stunt accident or something like that. I believed him at first, he seemed OK, then more bruises came, sometimes cuts and these weren't just small bruises and scrapes, they were nasty fuckers but he kept saying they were on-set accidents, tripping over things - his clumsiness, always his fault. Same excuse every time; it began to really piss me off but I couldn't do anything, he wouldn't let me. When Elijah's filming wrapped, he called in and immediately knew something was wrong. It took him all of three hours to discover what it was," Dom paused, his gaze drifting back to Orlando.

"I've never seen Lij so mad. I didn't think he could get really angry, y'know? Everyone always thinks he’s so sweet and cute but then ... I was really scared of him, and for him, scared of what he'd do. Christ, Lij wanted to kill Mark, I mean really kill him and he looked like he'd do it ... like he'd do it and not care. And that's what scared me, he was going to go right over and do it wihtout a second's thought...God the number of times I wanted to do that myself...I'd kill him now if I could, I swear I would...I tried to reason with him but he was just...he didn't listen, said I wasn't Orlando's friend if I stopped him...but Orlando stopped him just grabbed his arm and pleaded with him to stay. He ... he didn't want Mark hurt!" Dom bit out, his eyes clouding over. His mouth took on a bitter smirk and he looked up at Orlando and then to Viggo.

He shouldn't be surprised. That was Orlando; he never wanted anyone hurt, even the bastard that had hurt him so badly. Was that why he didn't fight back? "He ... he just wouldn't talk about it, clammed up or changed the subject. I just remember him looking so ... haunted, so lost; he was being destroyed and I couldn't stand that."

"It wasn't your fault, Dom. You couldn't make Orlando leave, short of kidnapping him," Viggo said, his voice gentle and soothing. Dom shook his head vigorously.

"He did leave once," Dom sighed, as he looked at Viggo for a moment. "I forced him to. I was so scared that he'd end up dead," he admitted, as his mind drifted back to that day.

TBC in a second!