Running on Faith - Chapter 9

[miwido.livejournal.com]

 

RL has been kicking my ass lately. Since I have been back to work (from my surgery) I had been bombarded with crap! Had a state audit - which went well. A coordinator in another office up and quit - so guess who is taking up the slack? I am working horrible hours. So - posting will be sporadic and not at all how I planned. I had hoped to already have this completely posted by now! Oh well. I will *promise* you that I *will* finish this story though - just not a quickly as I (or you) want. This one is short but a little is better than none at all.  Will try for longer one next time.  Thanks for all your comments. I appreciate all the feedback!

 ********Update - I tried half the night to post this chapter, but it wasn't cooperating.  I drug my laptop along today with me to work and this is the first time I have had time to mess with it.  So - here we go - Chapter 9 for your reading enjoyment.********** 

  

 

Orlando woke up several hours later. He was stretched out on the couch, his head resting on a pillow and a warm blanket wrapped around his body. He could hear muffled sounds coming from the kitchen, and he deduced that Viggo was cooking. 

 

Viggo. 

 

It wouldn’t be too much longer now. They couldn’t put it off forever. They would have to talk. Orlando wasn’t sure he even wanted to know.

 

Orlando didn’t even hear Viggo come back into the room until he squatted down in front of him so they would be almost eye level. Viggo’s fingers stroked along Orlando’s temple and down his cheekbone. “Hey sleepyhead. You ready for a bite to eat?”

 

Orlando nodded his head slowly, as he realized that he was actually hungry. He moved around to sit up and suddenly felt Viggo's hands helping to steady him. Orlando kept his eyes down; he knew if he looked Viggo in the eye right now he would lose it.

 

Viggo murmured for Orlando to wait on the couch, and he would bring his food to him. Viggo was gone for just a few moments, and then returned with a bowl of chicken soup and some ice water. He let Orlando get situated on the couch before he handed him the bowl. While Orlando ate, Viggo finished cleaning up the kitchen. 

 

Viggo walked back into the living room to find that Orlando was gone, his empty soup bowl sitting on the table in front of the couch. He immediately started searching through the house and found Orlando standing in his bedroom.

 

Viggo froze in the doorway. It was the same room that he shared with Orlando so many times. Viggo swallowed hard as memories of warmth and happiness washed over him, remembering long nights that they spent here together. Sometimes it was only to sleep, exhausted after a long day of filming. Other nights were spent making love until the early hours of the morning. It was only at the end that the memories turned bad, and Viggo pushed those thoughts out of his mind.   

 

"Hey, everything okay?" Viggo whispered quietly.

 

Orlando gave a short nod, "Yeah, it's fine."

 

Their conversation was stilted, neither of them knowing what to say to each other. Viggo wanted to ask Orlando lots of questions, but he didn't know if he was feeling up to it tonight.

 

Orlando made his way over to the side of the bed where he sat down gently. He clasped his hands together and stared down at them. "I'm really tired now and I need to rest. Thanks for... everything, but I think you should go."

 

Viggo’s heart stopped for a moment. This is what he expected, but hoped wouldn’t come to pass. He wanted nothing more than to stay here with Orlando, tonight and always. Viggo came over to him and knelt down, taking his hands into his own. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

 

Orlando did. He wanted him to stay so badly, but that meant that Viggo would be here on the bed right next to him. Orlando didn't think that he could handle being held in Viggo’s arms all night. That moment earlier on the couch had felt so good, but Orlando was feeling extremely vulnerable and he needed comfort. He was letting his desperate need for warmth and security overrule everything else. Orlando needed answers and until he had some, he couldn’t bear to be this close to Viggo. He was still too deeply hurt.

 

Orlando could feel Viggo’s fingertips under his chin, gently raising his head to meet his gaze and found Viggo’s eyes watery with tears and his voice scratchy. “I don’t want to leave you alone tonight. What if you need some help? I just…”

 

As Viggo’s voice trailed off, Orlando reached deep down inside himself. This was one of the hardest things he had to do. He voice was barely above a whisper. “Go home Viggo.”

 

Viggo squeezed Orlando’s hands in his own. “I can’t. Not until I know you are okay. I know this has happened fast, but I don’t even know why you were in the hospital and I’m so worried.” 

 

Orlando shrugged his shoulders. “It was a cyst. I’m fine.” He decided that he would leave out the fact of where it was located, and the fact that he was waiting for the final results of the biopsy, which he would get when he had his follow-up appointment in a few days. 

 

Viggo started to protest again, and this time Orlando cut him off. “No!  I can’t do this. Not now. I am so tired and I don’t think I can handle you being here.”

 

Orlando stood up suddenly and started gesturing wildly with his hands, raising his voice. “You’ll want to help me to bed and then climb in behind me. You’ll… want to hold me all night.” He was dismayed to hear his voice cracking and he drew in a breath. “I can’t let you in. Too much has happened and you can’t just walk in and expect me to greet you with open arms.”

 

Viggo had climbed to his feet when Orlando started talking. He couldn't help himself, he moved around to face Orlando, gently resting his hands on Orlando’s biceps. "I'm pushing you too hard and I’m just worried about you. I could just stay in the other room, or sleep on the couch. Just let me be here near you, in case you need me.” 

 

Orlando felt like was being backed in a corner and he reacted. “I don’t need you. I can take care of myself.” 

 

Orlando didn’t realize how harsh his words sounded. He had to learn to be self reliant when he found that there was no one who would help him. Now Viggo was here, being warm and tender, and Orlando yearned for him, but he couldn’t. He knew that if Viggo didn’t leave soon, he would end up crying in his arms, and then Viggo would end up staying. That couldn’t happen, no matter how much he wanted it. 

 

Viggo was swallowing back his tears. Orlando’s words had hurt deeply, but he knew it was the truth. As hard as it was, he knew he had to leave, because that’s what Orlando wanted. 

 

Viggo pulled Orlando’s hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to them. “I’m sorry Lan. I’m gonna leave. Promise me that if you need something, that you’ll call me. Please.” The last word came out as a pleading whisper. 

 

Orlando nodded his head, pulling his hands from Viggo’s grasp. He stepped into the adjoining bathroom and closed the door, going through his regular nightly routine. 

 

Viggo stood alone in the room, staring at the bathroom door. It was hard to take those first steps towards the front door, but somehow he found the strength. As he stood in the foyer pulling on his jacket, Viggo glanced down only to see the key that he left all those weeks ago. He reached out with a trembling hand and picked it up, gripping it tightly in his hand. Viggo faltered for just a moment and then he quickly slipped out the door, taking the key with him.

 

When Orlando finally emerged a few minutes later, Viggo had gone and he felt a quick stab of pain. Orlando knew that he sent Viggo away, but a part of him hoped that Viggo would fight to stay. Feeling incredibly tired and confused, Orlando climbed into the bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

 

 

TBC

 

Comments

[slashbycaranfin.livejournal.com]

It's not very nice for either of them, but i understand why Orlando needed him to leave. It would be too easy to just forgive everything unconditionally, and they really do need to have a serious talk first, one which Orlando isn't well enough for at the moment.

[only-one-girl.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of glad Orlando is sticking to his guns. He's been through a lot and he can't just ignore all of it now that Viggo's found that Orlando was telling the truth. It shouldn't be so easy for Viggo to regain his trust after all that's happened ...

[helineloro.livejournal.com]

Poor boys are suffering so much. I hope they find a way to forget and continue to be happy.

Thank you!

[woowoochow.livejournal.com]

poor orlando,poor viggo,so sad,cant wait to see what happens next.

[miwido.livejournal.com]

Oh - it won't be easy for Viggo. Not at all. :) Thanks for commenting!

[miwido.livejournal.com]

Orlando is really unsure of himself right now. You're right - he needs some time for himself. Thanks for commenting.

[miwido.livejournal.com]

I'm sure they will get there. I'm a sucker for a happy ending. Thanks for commenting!

[miwido.livejournal.com]

Glad you are enjoying it. About to post the next chapter. Thanks for commenting!