vigorli

A belated OB birthday fic. Enjoy!

Title: Email Attachment
Author: ranmaru
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Red ribbons, email hackers, and phone sex.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't sue, please.
Note: Many thanks to

gattodoro who has been not only a source of info and a great beta, but also a good friend. Thanks hon!

Viggo was pretty sure he'd done something stupid. Or maybe not stupid, just unwise.

No, stupid was a better description.

He sighed and covered his face with his pillow. Then he tossed the pillow aside and grabbed Orlando's. If he was going to smother himself, he'd rather the last thing he smelled be Orlando's organic shampoo.

It wasn't that he didn't understand computers, he did know the basics, and that was good enough in his opinion. He could email his son, he could research topics of interest on the internet, and he had seen his share of Youtube videos. He didn't know how to create a website, he didn't blog, and he didn't have a little camera. He sent his thoughts to someone at Perceval and they published his words on the website. Nothing technical.

He did, on the other hand, have a small digital camera with a timer.

He knew how to put the pictures on his computer.

He knew how to attach the pictures to an email.

He groaned into the pillow and tossed that one aside too. Laying spreadeagled on the bed, alone, he stared up at the ceiling fan whirling lazily above. It really needed to be cleaned. No wonder Orli had sneezing fits in the morning.

He laced his fingers under his head. Maybe it would be okay. Bean was probably exaggerating anyway. Taking the piss, as the man liked to say. Actually Orli said that too. And it was Bean's own damned fault for giving Viggo the idea, and Orli's fault for having a birthday, so why was he stressing himself out over it?

Because he'd sent a naked picture of himself to Orlando via email.

Well, naked with a red ribbon tied around his dick.

Attached to an email.

Skipping along the lines of the internet where anyone could snatch it up and post it on some porno website.

Orlando's email had never been hacked, but then how would he know? What if the hackers were just waiting for a reason? A reason like a naked picture of Viggo with a bow around his schlong?

He decided to never think the word schlong again.

Viggo tossed back the bedcovers and sat up, planting his feet on the floor. Elbows on the knees, head in his hands. He couldn't decide if he was embarrassed, afraid, or disgusted with himself. Maybe it was a combination of the three.

When the phone rang, he grabbed it, checked the caller ID and poked at the answer button.

"I'm a nervous wreck and it's all your fault for being away," he snarled.

"The bow was a nice touch."

"Whoever is hacking your email is going to post it somewhere. My son will see it."

"There's someone hacking my email?" Orlando's tone was somewhere between amused and curious.

"That's what hackers do!"

"How long have you been freaking out over this?"

"About two hours after I sent it."

"What happened within those two hours?"

"Bean called."

"Oh hell, Viggo! Never listen to Beanie! Ever! That bastard!"

"I should have just sent the monkey e-card like Henry told me to."

"I love monkeys, but I don't get a boner from looking at them."

"Who else is getting a boner?"

"You've gone mad."

"You really need to come home."

"Still wearing the bow?"

"No."

"Not much incentive then."

"Orlando..." Viggo flopped back on the bed. "I shouldn't have listened to you."

"I'll be home tomorrow."

"If we'd been together, I never would have-"

"Vig."

"Is there a way to check for email hacking?"

"Viggo!" Orlando was laughing, the little shit. "Stop! No one has hacked my email. It's not like I use my own name anyway. How would they know?"

"They know. They always know."

"My lovely conspiracy theorist."

"I am not a-"

"Want to have phone sex? I stripped before calling."

"You're just trying to distract me."

"Is it working?"

"Yes."

"I'm using that Bluetooth thing. Hands free."

"You'll fry your brain."

"Hands. Free."

"Brain. Fry."

"Toy."

Viggo opened his mouth, closed it, and scooted up on the bed to put his head on a pillow. "Toy?"

"It's blue."

"Blue."

"And vibrates."

"I see."

"No you can't, but you can..." There was a buzzing sound in the background and Viggo could feel himself smiling.

"You bought a vibrator?"

"You really don't want to know where I got it from."

"Who?"

"I can't say."

"Was it a birthday present?"

"Christmas. For you. I opened it."

"I hear that."

"I used it last night."

"And?"

"It's not you."

"Imagine if it was? What if my dick vibrated when I got horny?"

Orlando was trying to muffle his laughter. "Stop!"

"Bzzzz! In the morning! Bzzzz! In the car!"

"Viggo!"

"Bzzzz! On the set!" He laughed. "The poor horses!"

Orlando was gasping for breath. "It was Dom!"

"Did you thank him?"

"He mailed it."

"To your mother's house?"

"He's mental."

"Where are you now?"

"The flat."

"Alone?"

"Would I have suggested phone sex if I had company?"

"Good point."

Orlando snickered. "Bzzzz!" That set the two of them off again.

"Okay, okay, enough. Phone sex."

"Right. Hold on." There were some odd noises on Orlando's end of the line.

"Hold on to what?"

Orlando didn't respond for a moment and then said, "You didn't see it, but I stuck my tongue out at you."

"I like your tongue."

"I like yours too. Okay, I'm ready."

"What were you doing?"

"Condoms. Lube."

"Think the vibrator will get you pregnant?"

"Who knows where this thing has been."

"You did wash it, right?" Viggo reached for the small bottle of lube on the bedside table.

"Of course."

"Okay. Condoms. Lube. Hard on. Are we ready?"

"Yup!" Orlando popped the "p".

"I can't. You sound ten."

"Viggo Peter Mortensen, talk dirty to me right now or I'm hanging up and beginning a new sex life with Big Blue here."

"Big Blue?"

"Viggo!"

Viggo snickered. "Okay, dirty."

"Really dirty."

"Porn dirty?"

"I'm hanging up."

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard when you get home."

"Yeah?"

"Dirty enough?"

"You ruined it by asking."

Viggo snickered and flicked open the top of the lube. "Sorry."

"I don't know if I should turn this thing on again. I can feel the laughter just sitting there, waiting."

"Don't have to, you can just slide it in when I tell you. Pretend its me. My boring old dick that doesn't have a multi-speed setting."

"I like your boring dick."

"Like it hard?"

"Yeah."

"I like your hands on it. Those long fingers wrapped around me." Viggo tucked the phone between his shoulder and ear and squeezed a little of the slick in his palm. He snapped the lid shut and rubbed his hands together before touching himself, jerking at the cool, sighing as it warmed up as he began a nice, easy stroking. "Feels good."

"Mmm."

"Like watching it sliding in and out of your fist."

"Yeah." There was a catch to Orlando's voice and Viggo closed his eyes, imagining his lover masturbating a thousand miles away.

"Like it in your mouth. The way your lips stretch around it, get red. The way you can't stop drooling."

"Your hands in my hair, not letting me pull away. I love that."

"I love fucking your mouth, but..." He cupped his balls, rolling them in his hand.

"But?" Orlando was breathing heavily now.

"But not as much I like fucking your ass."

"Finally!"

"Are your ready?"

"No, give me..."

"Two fingers. Don't screw around."

"Isn't that..." Orlando sucked in a breath and then moaned, the sound going straight to Viggo's cock. He gave himself a vicious squeeze, the thought of Orlando, two fingers deep in his ass, enough to bring the American close to orgasm.

"Hurry, babe, or I'll be ending this without you."

"Almost, almost," Orlando panted, a little mewl over the line skittering down Viggo's spine.

"Put it in, come on, Orli. Get it slick, get me slick. Now."

"Vig, I..." There was the rustle of the linens, a gasp of breath, and then Viggo's name drawled out in a beautifully long moan.

"That's it." Viggo pressed his head into the pillow, the need to fuck overwhelming. "I miss you so fucking much."

"Me...too..." Orlando sighed. "I wish this was you."

"It is me, remember? So hot inside. So tight. So damned good." It was, his lover was, and Viggo thrust up into his fist.

"Fuck, I..." Orlando muttered something wordless and Viggo grinned.

"Is Big Blue that big?"

"Yeah, Christ, it's..."

"Touch yourself, grip your cock in your fist. My fist. My hands on you. My dick in you."

Viggo couldn't stop his hand now, his hips rising on each down stroke. He could see Orlando, legs spread, hand on his cock, ass opened by the toy. He was panting harshly, could barely hear Orlando now, or maybe that was Orli? He scratched a fingernail behind his balls and clenched his teeth, sparks behind his eyes.

"Turn it on," he gritted out. "I want to hear you."

"I...It's..."

"Come on babe. Let me hear it."

It wasn't funny any longer as the buzz sounded and Orlando cried out Viggo's name, almost sobbing as he came. Viggo let himself go, stomach clenching as he climaxed, hot come dripping over his fingers. He lay there, trying to catch his breath, listening to Orlando whimpering, the buzz if the vibrator in the background. "Turn it off," he whispered, and a moment later it was quiet except for Orlando's gasping breaths. "I'll call Dom and thank him," Viggo said when Orlando had gone quiet.

"That was intense."

"You said you'd used it before."

"I didn't turn it on. I kept laughing."

"I guess it's a matter of timing." Viggo took a few tissues from the box near the table lamp and wiped his stomach and hands.

"Hm."

"Next time, you can use it while looking at my picture." Viggo heard Orlando chuckled tiredly. "If someone hasn't hacked your-"

"Nutter."

"Yeah." Viggo curled on his side, phone pressed tightly to his ear. "Need a ride tomorrow?"

"Bob Hope at ten."

"Not LAX?"

"It's a paparazzi stake-out spot, so no, not LAX."

"Okay, okay. Go to sleep, babe. I'll see you at ten."